


Follow Me Down

by theworldornothing



Category: Peaky Blinders (TV)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Childhood Friends, F/M, Love Triangles, Original Female Character(s) - Freeform, Sexual Tension, Strong Female Characters, Unfulfilled Love, Violence, really trying to stick to canon, season 1 & later season 2, some love for John
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-04
Updated: 2018-07-15
Packaged: 2018-12-23 21:10:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 25
Words: 73,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11998020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theworldornothing/pseuds/theworldornothing
Summary: John knows Charlie since she was friends with Ada back when they were kids. Now she is back in town, but they are still just friends, alright? Good, so you can stop asking, Arthur.But Charlie isn't here for pleasure. She's looking for a mutual enemy and she needs the Blinders' help to take him down.Edit: This has turned into a John/OC and Alfie/OC fic, which (I hope) makes perfect sense when you read it :D Alfie first appears in Chapter 17.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> In desperate need for season four, I started a rewatch from the beginning and this is what came out of it. This is my first Peaky piece, so I'm really exicted to know what you guys think and also to see where this goes. All the love to John, he's a treasure. 
> 
> This is set right after the end of 1x02.

Tommy felt the familiar warmth of the whiskey lingering in the pit of his stomach and spreading to his head and toes as he stepped out of the Garrison into the night. He drew a deep breath of fresh air and could feel a smile spreading over his face. This was it. His plan had worked out and they were on their way up. He had convinced Billy Kimber that they had a common enemy and now it was time to prepare the next steps. Being a night of victory and all, he had had possibly two or three glasses more than usual and struggled to keep a steady path as he headed home. He welcomed it though, knowing that the alcohol would let him black out immediately once he had found his bed. His shoes scratched over the pavement as the Small Heath fog cloaked and swallowed him whole. He didn't pay attention to the blurry shapes around him but rather let his mind wander, to Cheltenham, to making big money, to blonde curls on soft skin. 

He didn't see that first blow coming but he felt it with all its force as it hit him in the back of his neck like thunder. He choked, pain driving every bit of oxygen out of his lungs and he instantly collapsed trying to break the fall with his hands and knees. What the- Another fist hit him in the face before he had time to come to his senses. He felt skin bursting and the metallic taste of blood in his mouth. Two hands grabbed his shoulders, holding him in place while heavy boots aimed at his stomach, kicking with murderous pleasure. They sent him flat to the ground and he realised that there was a third person standing by, who now sneered "Who would have thought that it'd be so easy to bring down Tommy fucking Shelby?" Lees. Fucking Lees. He grunted, trying to pull his legs up as if to ease the pain but hiding his hand feeling for his gun in its holster. 

“Put that bloody gun away!” Tommy stopped dead in his movements waiting for the inevitable next punch, but it didn't come. 

“We not going to fuckin shoot him or do you want half the fuckin blinders on our back. Use your bloody knife, you idiot.”

The pain blackened Tommy's vision at its edges but he could hear the scrape of a metal blade being drawn and now rushed with both hands to his gun. Before he could draw and point though, the knife fell to the ground and he could hear bones cracking, followed by a muffled scream of agony. 

Again, what the- 

The man in front of him fell to his knees desperately clinging to his broken arm and a smaller figure appeared behind him now already redirecting its attention to their apparent leader. He whipped out his own blade, lunging forward, but the figure ducked down, aimed at his knee and cut through flesh and muscles. Second man down, incapable of moving and the third one was now met with a well-aimed blow to the face. Knuckle duster shattered nose and teeth, made him howl in pain as blood ran into his eyes, blinding him.  
Without wasting a split second, the strange man bent down and pulled at Tommy's shoulders to sit him up. Tommy groaned in pain but gladly took the offer of the extended arm as support and let him wrap it around his shoulders. The man, who was at least a head shorter than Tommy, dragged him down the road into the darkness, anywhere away from his attackers. 

“Stop, please, just a moment.” Tommy panted and leaned against a brick wall behind him. He couldn't make out any features that would allow him to recognise his saviour. A long and dark coat shrouded most of his body, he wore a newsboy cap much like his own but the face was covered by a cloth up to the eyes.

“Who are you? Why did you- where the hell did you come from?”  
Tommy needed answers but his counterpart granted him none. Instead he kept turning his head from one direction to the other, still on edge and expecting the next attack, before he finally settled his burning gaze on Tommy. 

“Charlie, the name's Charlie. We need to move, they could be back, maybe they got back up. You got a safe place?”

Tommy's head shot around and now it was his turn to ignore the question. He'd expected a low rumbling voice, maybe marked by too much booze and cigarettes, but certainly as heavy as the punches he had just witnessed. Instead he was met by a distinctly feminine voice, sharp around the edges and fierce, but nonetheless feminine. Finally she pulled the cloth from her face and revealed freckles, a crooked nose, which must have been broken once or twice and soft features that had hardened into a determined grimace.

“Tommy, for fuck's sake, focus, we need to get you safe. Tell me where to go.”

He had trouble breaking away from that revelation and her intense stare but eventually nodded and pointed to her right.

“The Garrison, down the road, we can lock that up and call my brothers.”

She returned his nod and again wrapped her arm round his back to support him for the rest of the way. 

 

Grace had already closed the Garrison for the night but now hurried to the door as she heard heavy thumps against the wood and Tommy's deep rasp. “Grace, you still in? Open up!”

Her eyes went wide when he then, face covered in blood, stumbled in and that smaller woman by his side simply asked “Where?”

He pointed to the private room to their right and she shuffled him over so that he could lay down flat on the long table. Charlie wasted no time and pushed his coat and jacket out of the way to unbutton his waistcoat and shirt. When he was bare-chested, she used both of her hands to feel for inner injuries and examine the state of the damage. 

“Two fractured ribs, but I don't think that they went entirely through. There, let me just...” She adjusted some pressure on his left ribcage and Tommy reared back with a terrible groan of pain. Still, she seemed satisfied and turned her attention to check for internal bleedings. 

“Your organs seem to be fine. You're one lucky bastard, you are.”

Tommy was about to voice his doubts about that when the door to the private room swung open again and Grace rushed in, carrying bandages, wet cloths and the strongest bottle of whiskey she was able to find. Tommy extended his hand wordlessly and took a large gulp before both women turned their attention to his head. Grace tried to wipe away most of the blood and murmured “Looks like you're going to need stitches.”

Another groan from Tommy's side and then another gulp. “Fuck stitches, just clean it.”

The women shared one look and then Charlie asked “Can you hold him down?”

Grace nodded shortly, brought herself into position to press down on Tommy's shoulders and Charlie swapped the bottle in his hand with a cloth to bite down on. Another look, another nod and she poured a good swig of alcohol into the open wound. They were sure that Tommy's scream would have woken the neighbours, had the cloth not swallowed most of it, and they struggled to keep him in place. It took quite a while until his panting had turned back into normal heavy breathing, but when his head was properly bandaged, he tried to sit up and gestured for Grace.

“Go to the office and call me brothers. Tell them to check the streets, see if the Lees are gone.”  
She nodded already knowing better than to ask any further questions and left them alone. 

“Okay now to you. Tell me who the fuck you are. Why the fuck you know my name and why I shouldn't put a fuckin’ bullet in your head.” He slid down the table and settled into a chair with a heavy sigh. 

Charlie crooked an eyebrow at him and shot back dryly “Well, I certainly appreciate the thank you for saving your arse.”

But Tommy was way too exhausted to either enter a verbal fight or to let down his guard. Besides he first had to find out whether she was trustworthy at all.  
Knowing very well whom she faced, Charlie decided not to push it and instead took off her coat and cap to settle into the chair opposite. Her dark brown hair spilt onto her shoulders and Tommy realised that she was wearing men's trousers which she must have adjusted so that they would fit her smaller hips. Her blouse was made of more delicate material but nonetheless very simple and tucked into the waistband. 

She followed his gaze and commented “They're better for fighting. Skirts get ripped straight away. Besides guys won't try to grope you by night if they don't realise you're a woman.”He couldn't argue with that, so he simply poured some whiskey into two empty glasses, handed her one and waited for her to go on. 

She fumbled in her coat pocket, drew out the knuckle duster and pushed it across the table so that he could take a closer look. The metal felt heavy and cool and also strangely familiar in his hand. He squinted as his thumb brushed over the little engraved initials, A.S. His mouth fell open as he realised where he had seen this one before. “Are you-?”

She quickly shook her head and hurried to explain. “No, hell no, I'm not a Shelby. John gave it to me, years back and it has proven to be very helpful in some unpleasant situations.”

Tommy still didn't catch up. “John, my brother John?”

Charlie nodded and pointed to the metal. “Your dad gave it to him but when he left you, John just wanted to get rid of it and thought I might have a use for it.”

“I'll...I'll have to ask him about that”, he replied and cleared his throat, still turning the weapon over in his hands. 

Again she nodded in agreement, before she pinched the bridge of her nose with two fingers and knew she had to come clean entirely. “My full name's Charlotte, Charlotte Anderson. We used to be neighbours, Tommy, we lived right down the street from you but that was quite some time before the war.”

Tommy nodded slightly and things started to come back to him. “I remember your old man, he made quite a fuss when he got that promotion. Couldn't stop talking about finally leaving Small Heath. You moved, right?”

Charlie returned the nod and took a breath before she added “We did. Needed the money cause mum was expecting again. But it didn't turn out as planned. ... Mum died in labour, the baby didn't make it. Dad was left with my sister and me. Then came France and Flanders took him. We never... We never even got a body to bury.” She averted her gaze and took a large gulp of whiskey, obviously not used to talking about any of this to someone. But Tommy understood. He understood all too well. He had witnessed it countless times. He could hear the shovels, could hear the shovels right now and the walls started to close in on him. His knuckles around his glass of whiskey turned white and he quickly let the brown liquid burn its way down to his stomach and calm his heartbeat. 

Charlie looked at him thoughtfully and waited silently for him to come back to her. When he met her eyes, she could see the ghosts, feel them haunting him for a split second before his cool, impenetrable mask slipped back into place. He didn't look away but held her gaze.

“Why did you come back?”

Her posture stiffened immediately and she leaned forward, every muscle tensed up. A storm clouded her face and she had trouble to keep her voice from trembling. “Word is, there's a copper in town. I'm looking for him, Tommy. He's... He's the reason my sister is gone. He'll pay for it, I'm telling you, I just need to get close. That's why I need your help. People say you got most of the police in your pocket. I need access, Tommy, I need to find the right moment and then it'll be over.”

Tommy listened intently, watching as her eyes filled with rage and her voice with deadly purpose. He gently shook his head, not meaning to object. “It'll not be over, but I think you know that”, he replied quietly.

Grace held her breath, leaning closer to the service hatch, which stood ajar as Tommy asked “What's his name?”

“Campbell.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bear with me, next chapter - Charlie and John meet again.  
> Comments and thoughts are always much appreciated!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlie and John meet again, and the brothers unravel some more of her past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who took the time to read this and came back to it. Please, let me know what you think.

“So, will you help me?” she asked quietly, but before he could answer she added “I don't think that you'd do this without expecting something in return. We'll make a deal, I can work for you, Tommy. I don't mind getting my hands dirty.”

At that he sceptically raised his eyebrows at her. “You want to work for me? Become part of the Peaky Blinders? I don't think you have the slightest idea of what it is that we do.”

“Is it worse than trying to kill each other in a dark alley in the dead of the night?”

She didn't flinch but held his icy gaze and for the first time that night Tommy thought he got her right. He recognised something in her that felt all too familiar. She had nothing left. Whatever it was that Campbell had done to her sister, he had taken the last thing that gave purpose and some sense of belonging to her life. Deprived of it, she found herself amidst a battle for a ghost that could never be redeemed. But there was nothing else left for her. She was in her own tunnel, nowhere near any light and she didn't think she was worth saving but simply fought for her sister's justice.

His face softened only a hint and he said decisively “You will have to trust me, understood? You cannot jump the gun and just attack him the first time you see him. I will let you know when the timing is right, and for that you will have to trust me.”

She replied with a firm nod and he went on, lighting himself a cigarette “As for the Blinders, I can't just admit you right now. You will have to prove yourself. We'll have to have a family meeting. That's how it works, alright?”

She relaxed visibly in her chair and was about to thank him, but Tommy wasn't finished. “We have to talk about your name though.”

“What about it?” She gave him a puzzled look.

“Our uncle's called Charlie. It's confusing. You have to change it.”

“You know two people can have the same name. It's actually happened before. In fact, I met another Thomas just last week and here I sit, not asking you to change yours.”

He went on as if he hadn't heard a word of what she'd said, drawing a deep breath from his cigarette. “We should just stick to Charlotte, that'd be easiest.”

She contorted her face, never really liked the sound of her birth name. Tommy raised an eyebrow in return and added with a twitch of his mouth “You could of course always go by Lottie.”

“Charlotte it is then!” she shot back with a clap of her hands and his nod was accompanied by one of his rare small smiles.

 

The slamming of the front door and muffled voices made Tommy swallow his next words.

“Where is he- Grace, is he in there- what the fuck happened?!”

Grace had busied herself with cleaning the last glasses and tables, so that her hands were occupied while she tried to process the new information. She needed to know what had happened, what Campbell had done, before she could decide on how to proceed. Now she nodded in response and added, “He is, but he’s not alone.”

The door burst open and in rushed two very ruffled looking Shelby brothers, John ahead and freezing on the spot when he recognised Charlie in a heartbeat. Arthur stumbled right into him, hushing a sigh of relief when he found Tommy in one piece.

“Tommy, we thought they got you for good! What the hell happ-“

“Charlie, that you?”

John interrupted his older brother and the intensity in his voice made Arthur redirect his attention to the smaller figure sitting next to Tommy that he hadn't even noticed in the first place. All eyes were on her now, Tommy closely studying her reactions, but she just broke into the widest smile, stood quickly and couldn't round the table fast enough.

“It is! John, bloody hell, it's so good to see you.”

Her arms flew around his neck and he gathered her up in the tightest hug, lifting her feet off the floor and breaking into a bellowing laugh. When he set her back onto the ground, he held her at an arm's length to give her the once over.

“Charlie Anderson, may the devil bite me. You look fuckin’ fantastic, mate. What the hell are you doin’ back here in this shit hole?”

Arthur couldn't silence a cough any longer, eager to interrupt them, and they both turned their attention to John’s elder brothers. Tommy raised his glass to Charlie, indicating that she had passed the test with flying colours and answered John's question before he took another mouthful whiskey.

“Saving my life, so much's for sure.” There it was, a thank you Tommy-Shelby-style.

Both John and Arthur looked at them fairly incredulously, so Tommy caught them up on the latest events and on how the Lees posed a bigger threat than they had thought. He concluded by “And now we have a new potential aspirant for the Blinders”, nodding in Charlie's direction.

John turned his head to face her again, eyes wide and hand still on the small of her back. Before he could say anything however, Arthur scoffed “Well, we have to see if Pol finds a use for her, we could always use help with the bets.”

But Tommy shook his head and added calmly “I'm not talking the bets, Arthur, I'm talking the streets, out there with the boys and you and me.”

“Come on, Tom, you can't be serious”, he sneered derogatorily, “a women on the streets with us? She might break a nail. Besides this is not how it works. You can't just walk in and become part of the Blinders, you work your way up and I don't mean by lying on your back.”

That was enough to make Charlie snap. Arthur didn't know what hit him, when she suddenly appeared by his side and punched him forcefully in the solar plexus. It made him bend down at her eye level and she brought her knife dangerously close to his mouth, voice barely more than an ice-cold whisper.

“If you ever again so much as indicate that I'm a fuckin’ whore, then I swear, it'll be the last thing you ever say.”

Silence captured the room for a couple of seconds and none of them moved until Tommy finally cleared his throat. He had brought a hand up to his mouth to cover the bemused smile that twisted his lips, well aware that if she could handle Arthur and gain his respect, the rest of the boys wouldn't pose a problem. A little flustered, his elder brother avoided her gaze and straightened his clothes, determined to change the subject as quickly as possible. He turned his attention to John asking “So you two 've got history, eh?”

John's ears turned a darker shade of red, which didn't go unnoticed by his brothers but he tried to play it cool. “Yeah as friends, we were friends. Or rather Charlie was good friends with Ada and then, you know, we saw each other round.”

Charlie's face softened gradually and she nodded slightly, but Tommy wasn't quite satisfied. “Still doesn't explain why she has dad's knuckle duster. I assume you wouldn't give that to just any _friend_.”

John ignored the hint in his tone of voice but, rather surprised, turned directly to Charlie to ask quietly “You still got that?”

She shrugged and gave him half a smile. “It helped me out more than once.”

She held his gaze and for a moment they seemed to have forgotten that there were other people in the room. Only when Arthur shifted to reach for the bottle of whiskey did they break the eye contact in time to notice the telling look that the elder brothers shared. She decided to again ignore it and instead finished her own glass with a sigh. _This is going to be the last explanation for this evening, so just get it over with_ , she thought as the liquor burned deliciously in her throat.

“John saved me from being raped when I was fifteen”, she stated briefly and as calmly as possible. “It was late and I had to run an errand for my mum. I didn't see him coming, so he had me pinned up against the wall before I realised what was going on.”

She cast her eyes down and Tommy recognised the same inner battle as before, of her telling something that she'd normally keep hidden and stored well away. John cleared his throat and carefully studied the look on her face as he finished the story.

“That fucker already had his trousers down and choked her but I pulled him away. Beat the crap out of him. A couple of days later, I gave her that thing”, he pointed at his dad's weapon, “and showed her some moves, so she could defend herself next time.”

“Well, she must have had a hell lot of practice”, Tommy finally replied after a while. The look on Charlie's face remained unreadable and he decided that he wasn't going to get any more information for the night. So instead he put both hands on the table and pulled himself up with a groan. Arthur was immediately by his side and supported him with a firm grip around his shoulders.

“Where are you staying?” All eyes turned to Charlie again but before she could answer, Tommy went on “Doesn't matter. You take Ada's room for the night. That way we can make sure that they won't be back for you. Tomorrow we’re gonna find you a safe place.”

She furrowed her brow and scowled “I don't need protection, I'm capable of looking out for myself.”

Tommy held her gaze and now his voice went dangerously low. “I'm aware of that. However, you decided to become involved and now you're on their list. This is not like anything you've ever dealt with before. On your own, you'll be dead by next week, simply because you messed with the wrong people. So, get your stuff and then stay in Ada's room for the night.”

Charlie swallowed and nodded once.

 

John went with Charlie to fetch her bag and then walked her to the Shelby house. He put a finger to his lips and winked before he opened the door, indicating that they had to be careful not to wake up Polly or the little ones. He had told her on their way about Ada and Freddie and said she wouldn't have to worry about her coming back tonight. Pressed to the wall, he led her up the old stairway to avoid the extra creaky bits and then a sudden rush of déjà-vu overtook Charlie's senses. She'd been here once before, visiting Ada, but her father had instructed her to stay away from the Shelbys, so they used to meet outside or at a mutual friend's place. Only when John put a hand on her back and gently pushed her into the room did she realise that she'd paused in the doorway overcome by that same exciting and slightly scary tingle as all these years back.

“Do you need anything else? I could get you some water, if you like.” His voice pulled her out of her thoughts and she gave him a small smile and shook her head.

“I'm fine, John, seriously, get some rest.”

He returned the smile, but he wasn't ready to turn away just yet, so he said “You're right, me kids will be up soon enough.”

“You've got kids?” Mild surprise in her voice, although she knew that she shouldn't have wondered. John was a good catch.

“Hm, four.”

“Where's their mum?”

“Dead.”

“I'm sorry.”

And she really was, he could see that. Without thinking too much about it, John took a step forward and closed the gap between them, bending towards her face to place a small kiss on her cheek.

“It's really good to see you again, Charlie.” His voice sounded raspy. “Sleep tight.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A family meeting and a safe place to stay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much again to everyone, who took the time to read and left kudos! I'd love to hear your thoughts!

She felt oddly nervous and fumbled with a button on her plain beige blouse as she waited on the old staircase for the family meeting to be over. She knew that there wasn't anything she could do to convince them to admit her to the Blinders, which was why a sense of restlessness left a sinking feeling in her stomach. Light footsteps caused the stairs to creak in protest and when she looked up, she saw Finn coming down to sit next to her. He gave her an encouraging smile.

“Don't worry, John said he's gonna put in a word for you.”

She said nothing but smiled wryly, not knowing if that would really turn out to be to her advantage. So Finn added “I'd vote for you to stay if they'd let me”, and for that she gently nudged him with her shoulder.  
  
  
“We don't know her, Tommy, we don't know what she really wants, we don't know what she's really capable of and whether she might get herself killed right on the first job. That'd be her blood on our hands. Do you really want to risk that?”

Tommy leaned forward, placing both hands flat on the table. “She saved my life, Pol. She took on three men all by herself and would have given Arthur a really good beating if he'd said another word. She is as capable as any of the boys and the risk of getting killed is real for every one of us at any job.”

He paused for a moment and straightened himself. “You don't trust her because you don't know her, that's fair enough. You don't have to vote in her favour. But John's vouching for her and Ada could confirm that they used to be friends if she were here.”

John nodded determinedly but didn't interrupt him.  
  
“Besides, we got a mutual enemy.”  
  
Polly raised her eyebrows at that and folded her arms across her chest.  
  
“She wants Campbell and won't stop even if we don’t help her.”  
  
Now it was Polly's turn to rise from her chair, alarmed expression on her face. “Are you kidding me? She's after a bloody copper and you’re thinking about admitting her? And what if she kills him and it’s linked to us? We're all gonna hang for that!”  
  
The room had gone very quiet, all eyes directed at Tommy, his voice calm but very decisive when he spoke. “We won't, if we all stick to the plan. Then nobody will be able to trace anything back to her or to us. Besides I need her to lay low and wait until I say so, otherwise she could ruin everything.”  
  
Polly's eyes widened and she knew he was referring to the deal he had made with Campbell. As much as it pained her to give up control and simply trust Charlie and most of all Tommy to eventually do the right thing, she knew that he'd always try to keep his family safe. Tommy nodded once in her direction before he turned his attention to John.  
  
“Now, before we're going to vote I have to make sure that Charlotte will be treated exactly like one of the boys. “  
  
Arthur and Polly also settled their gazes on John, who looked defensively from one to the other. “Why's everyone staring at me? Yeah course, of course she'll be treated like of us-“  
  
But Tommy interrupted him to clarify what he was getting at. “This means no distractions, no self-sacrificingly catching a punch or a bullet, no complaints about her tasks and also no neglecting of your own duties.”  
  
John's cheeks had turned crimson and now he stood to give vent to his anger. “What the hell are you implying, Tommy!? I fuckin’ said she’s a friend, that's all and I wouldn't mess up a job by thinking with my cock. I know the fuckin’ priorities!”  
  
Arthur and Polly shared a look, but Tommy leaned back rather satisfied. “Good, then let's have a vote.”  
  
  
Arthur opened the door to the living room and gestured for Charlie and Finn to come in. She quickly straightened her brown skirt as she stood and entered nervously. John's gaze was firmly focused on the far wall behind her but Tommy gave her a crooked smile.  
  
“So Charlotte, we've decided unanimously. Welcome to the Blinders. Since you've already got the cap, you only need these”, he extended his hand towards her and placed two untouched razor blades in her palm. She examined them for a moment before she carefully closed her fingers around them and pressed her lips together. When she raised her head to meet his eyes and nod at him, he could see the determination in her and went right on.  
  
“Your first job's gonna be a big one. In three days, we will go to Cheltenham and protect Billy Kimber's bookies from the Lee clan. We will strike hard and fast and show these fuckers what happens if you mess with us. Arthur will fill you in on the details. Until then, we need to find you a safe place to stay and Polly will introduce you to the bets. You will be paid by the end of each week. Any further questions?”  
  
She shook her head.  
  
“Then let's get to work.”  
  
  
The morning flew by as Polly explained to her how they calculated the odds and offers, walked her through their books and gave her advice on how to make the average bettor spent an extra shilling or two. When she wanted to turn to her own accounts and settle in her office, Charlie placed a hand on her elbow and held her back for a moment.  
  
“Polly, I know it's probably none of my business and I don't mean to interfere but I wondered whether you'll go to see Ada today?”  
  
The older woman raised her eyebrows so that they disappeared behind her fringe. “Well yeah, I will try and talk to her later on but I really think that you shouldn't stick your nose in family business-“  
  
“No, I really don't mean to, I'm sorry! It's just, John said that it'd be safest for her to leave town as soon as possible and I would just really like to see her again before she does. Is there any way?”  
  
Her face took on a pleading expression and Polly relaxed at its sight, her voice losing its edge.  
  
“You really can't come today. She might be even harder to convince to leave when she sees an old friend like you. Still, when they've agreed to go and booked their tickets, I will take you with me to the station and you can say your goodbyes. Deal?”  
  
Charlie's features softened and she thanked Polly sincerely before she took her place at the large table in the middle of the room and accepted her first bets.  
  
  
Throughout the day Finn seemed to have made it his mission to look out for her - as far as a ten-year-old was able to do that anyway. He collected the money that started to pile up on her desk, asked her if she wanted tea or cigarettes and scowled at any customer who wouldn't leave her side after placing a bet. Charlie had to hide a smirk when he planted his three feet height in front of a guy that was at least twice his size, telling him, “You can leave now, sir, there's nothing else for you to see here” - and decided that Finn was definitely the only man whom she would ever let act like this on her behalf.  
  
When the sun started to set, John returned and since the place was packed and he couldn't make her out between the shifting and shuffling bodies, he called out for her.  
  
“Oi, Charlie?”  
  
Four voices answered but only one of them was female and so he followed the sound to the back of the room. One of the factory workers stood in front of her, hands placed on the table and half his face still covered in grease. The other half was twisted into a smug smile.  
  
“Tell you what love, I throw in another three shillings if you promise to go to the pub with me so we can have some fun, no matter how the race turns out.”  
  
John felt his chest tightening and he had to swallow hard to control his breathing, but Tommy's words were still all too present in his head. So he stood back and watched how Charlie leaned forward herself, smiling perfectly innocent.  
  
“Counter offer, you can leave the extra three shillings here and I promise you that I won't kick you in the balls the next time I see you at the pub. Think of it as a loan for the protection of your own health.”  
  
He seemed to shrink away under her cold stare but contemplated for a second whether it'd be wise to return the threat considering where he was. In the meantime, John had stepped closely behind him and said in dangerously low voice, “If I were you, I'd listen to the lady. She's with us.”  
  
That was enough to make him drop the three coins on the table, bend his head low to avoid John's gaze and push for the exit. John settled on the edge of the desk looking pretty self-complacent, toothpick in the corner of his mouth just emphasising his wide smile. Then he realised that Charlie watched him, a small frown creasing her forehead and he hurried to say “I know you had it under control, but why should you have all the fun for yourself? We're a team now, you have to learn how to share.”  
He winked and the corners of her mouth twitched to mirror his smile. “Come on then”, he went on, offering her his hand to pull her up,” I found you a safe place to stay.”  
  
“You did?”, she replied surprised, while taking his hand, “I didn't even know that you- I could have-“  
  
But he interrupted her quickly “Don't worry, Tommy's orders. Scudboat, could you fill in for Charlie?”  
  
His fingers brushed her arm up to her elbow and she felt a tingle that spread over her skin and made the little hairs stand on end. She cleared her throat, trying to concentrate on manoeuvring out of the room instead, but she felt that his hand never left the small of her back until they stepped out on to the street. She welcomed the air and took a deep breath, not aware that John looked at her from the corner of his eye. Then she turned to him, waiting expectantly for instructions on where to go. But he just smirked, took two very large steps across the street and spread his arms.  
  
“There we are.” He waited for her reaction. She simply crooked an eyebrow at him, but followed him to the other side of the road.  
  
“See that window up there?” He pointed to the second floor and she nodded. “That's your room. The flat belongs to a widow. She lost both her husband and son in France and now she wants to sublet one of the rooms to be able to stay there. Also, and this is the main reason I picked this place, she makes the best pies. So I expect you to tell me whenever one's in the oven, so I can come over to steal your piece.”  
  
She shot an incredulous glance at him but was barely able to hide her grin, so he flashed her a smile and added “Again, Charlie, you have to learn how to share.”  
  
Both turned their attention back to the window and a few moments passed in silence. When John cleared his throat to speak again, his voice was much quieter. “No, seriously, if anything happens and you just scream loud enough, then I'll be right there- we will- we'll be right there.”  
  
He corrected himself quickly but she had heard it anyway. Instead of pinning him down on it, she simply took his hand again for a moment and squeezed it lightly.  
  
“Thank you.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cheltenham.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so thankful for everyone who comes back here to keep on reading and I'd really love to hear your thoughts.  
> I tried to stick to canon as best as possible on this one - do you think it works out?

_The grip of his hands around her neck intensified. He strangled her, driving her into a corner until her back hit something solid. Pain and the lack of air blurred her vision and a surge of panic paralysed her senses. She couldn't breathe, she couldn't see. Darkness engulfed her but she tried to lash out in every possible direction, kicked, punched, searched for skin to sink her fingernails into. All she hit were shadows and thin air. He wouldn't let up, squashing her throat and she knew it would be over any second. That was when her hand found her knife and the familiar feeling of the cool metal caused her to rise up one last time. She lunged out - and hit flesh. His grip loosened and she shifted all of her weight forwards, driving the knife deeper and twisting it right. Then her legs gave out and she fell to her knees, taking in big gulps of air and blinking hectically. Her sight started to come back, but what she saw- it couldn't be-._  
_A pool of blood spread quickly around a fragile, motionless body, soaking long brown strands of hair and forming a strong contrast to pale skin. She felt as if someone had punched her in the stomach and then ripped it out with bare hands. Cold shock clung to her heart as she shuffled forwards on hands and knees through the blood to see the features. No- no, not- Emily- NO!_  
 _And then she heard her sister scream._  
  
“Charlie, Charlie! Fuckin’ hell, Charlie!”  
  
She startled up forcefully and the blade of her knife came to a halt only inches from Arthur's face. He didn't bat an eyelid but held her firmly by the shoulders, trying to calm her trembling body.  
  
“Charlie, for fuck's sake, t'was a dream that's all. You're back now, girl, you're here with us.”  
  
John stood right behind his elder brother, anxious concern carving deep lines in his forehead. Her eyes shot back and forth between him and Arthur, and he could see the raw, naked horror and the ghosts that came to haunt her in them. Something that felt all too familiar to both of the brothers. It took a couple of moments until her panting had slowed down to normal breathing, but she could still feel her heart hammering against her ribcage. She lowered her gaze and the knife, trying to collect herself.  
  
“What are you- am I late? Are we leaving already?”  
  
John felt the strong urge to bend down and gather her up in his arms, realising that he gave less and less of a shit about what his brothers would have to say about that. But Arthur had already answered and redirected her attention.  
  
“No, it's still early. Polly wondered whether you'd need some breakfast. We think she wants to talk to you about Ada. We knocked but when we heard you scream, we had to break down your door.”  
  
The next seconds passed in silence as Charlie processed what he had just said. Then she raised her head, confused expression on her face and asked “You _both_ came to fetch me for breakfast?”  
  
They shared an awkward look, their discussion from earlier this morning still very present in mind - something along the likes of:  
  
“No John, you're not going to go get her. You don't have to jump every bloody time someone says her name.”  
  
“The fuck do you know?”  
  
“Let Finn get her.”  
  
“He doesn't know which room's hers.” - till Arthur answered weakly  “John said there might be pie.”  
  
Charlie was still too caught up in her head, so she simply left it at that and instead got up and went to her washing bowl. The room went very quiet and John's head turned bright red. He didn't know where to look - or more precisely was torn between where he should look and where he wanted to. For a couple of heartbeats, his eyes lingered on her body only covered by a white chemise that hugged her curves and barely hid her rear. But then Arthur cleared his throat and he was quick to cast his gaze to the ground while nervously scratching the back of his head and trying to calm the warm prickle in the lower half of this body. Charlie looked up and only now seemed to realise that she wore nothing more than her underwear.  
  
“Shit-“, she hastened to grab a robe from the closest chair and scowled at the brothers. “Course neither of you could say a word! Get out now, I'll be there in twenty minutes.”  
And with that she ushered them out of her room, not waiting for any reply.  


When Charlie stepped into the Shelby living room, the guys had already cleared out and only Finn waited for her by the table, still munching on a piece of bread. Before she could take the chair next to him, Polly entered through the other door, two cups of tea in her hands. She hesitated and shot her a scrutinising look. So the boys had talked. She suppressed a sigh and settled down while Polly placed one of the cups in front of her.  
  
“Are you good?” Her voice was soft but vigilant and Charlie really wished that she wouldn't have to do this, not on a day like this. So she tried a crooked smile.” It's getting better.”  
  
Polly knew very well that Charlie had just lied to both of them but she wouldn't pressure her. She witnessed the same kind of thing in the boys, heard muffled screams, thuds and sometimes whimpers through the walls. But there was nothing she could have done about it. Nothing anybody could do.  
Finn broke the silence by pushing a glass of jam over to her plate. “Arthur said, you’re gonna fight with us today, Charlie. You need a good breakfast, so you won't get a nervous stomach from all the blood.”  
  
Charlie wasn't really sure whether it worked that way for her but she gladly accepted the jam and a slice of bread. Polly watched them for a couple of moments, teacup cradled in her hands, before she said to Charlie “You'll look out for him, won't you? I think he's too young but the boys won't listen. They say he's a Shelby and all, as if he's got a birthright to fighting and cuts and bruises.”  
  
Finn opened his mouth in protest but one look from his aunt was enough to silence him. Charlie held her gaze and nodded firmly. “Course, I'll bring him home in one piece.”  
  
Polly seemed satisfied, but there was more on her mind. “They won't leave the city. Freddie refuses to, so Ada's stuck here as well.”  
  
Charlie raised her eyebrows and waited expectantly.  
  
“This means I'll take you with me the next time I'm going to visit her. But also that I need to ask for a favour. Ada might need protection and she doesn't trust the boys not to turn against Freddie.”  
  
Charlie lowered her bread and chewed slowly, thinking she knew what Polly was getting at.  
  
“She has doctor’s appointments, needs to run errands. Now the coppers have also got an eye on her and they might try to take her in if they want to get to Freddie.”  
  
She didn't need to say anything else or actually ask for it. “Just tell me when and where she needs me and I won't tell Tommy unless he asks. I won't lie - to any of you.”  
  
Polly didn't answer immediately but just watched her with a strange expression on her face. Finally she said simply and softly “It's appreciated”, and handed her another slice of bread.  
  
  
“Attention!” Arthur stood on a wooden box in front of them, confident grin on his face and ready to give them their final briefing. He had told them to dress smartly - they were going to the races after all. So Charlie had picked a dark blue blouse, tugged in at the waistband, grey trousers and boots and had put her hair up in a milkmaid braid that still fitted under her dad's old newsboy cap.  
  
“Johnny, what's our mission, boy?”  
  
“To stick it to the Lee family, Arthur!”, John yelled in response, smug smile on his lips. He stood at the far end to her right with Finn by his side, oozing nonchalance and over-confidence. His attitude seemed to be infectious as the other boys nodded their approval and a sense of restless anticipation spread through their ranks. Charlie gladly accepted the flask being passed on from her left and took a long swig. She knew most of the others from the bets, but one or two unfamiliar faces examined her curiously. The whiskey burned deliciously in her throat and spread some warmth through her tense and twisted insides. On the outside the calm mask that she put on when she knew she was heading into a fight was still firmly in place. When Arthur told them to pick the weapons they were good at, she stayed where she was, knuckle duster in her pocket and knife strapped to her lower thigh. Arthur took another look around and stopped when his gaze met Charlie's.  
  
“You're in Tommy's army now, _boys_. Trust only kin.” His smirk deepened and he offered her one firm nod. “Let's go.” And then she followed the others and clambered up the back of the truck that would bring them to Cheltenham.  
  
  
After Arthur had assigned directions to them, they split up to take on the Lees one by one. Charlie put a hand on Finn's shoulder and intended to push him towards the stables but Arthur held her back by the elbow. “You’re gonna stick with me, alright?”  
  
Her eyebrows shot up in disbelief. “You don't trust me,” she gave back matter-of-factly but also visibly offended.  
  
The corners of his mouth twisted into a smile and he shook his head. “It's not that. I just want to see for myself if I should take your threats seriously next time.”  
  
She relaxed and stepped aside to let him lead the way, leaving John behind to guide the other group. They only had to round the next corner to walk into the first two Lee brothers, who just counted their stolen money.  
  
“You take the left one”, Arthur murmured and Charlie gestured for Finn to stand back before they made themselves felt. “No need for counting, lads, you can give that right back.”  
  
The Lees glanced up but it was already too late. Arthur grabbed the right man by the neck and rammed his knee up into his stomach in one swift movement. The guy bent over gasping for air which only enabled Arthur to rain blows down on his face. Charlie didn't look around but planted a first punch against her opponent's rib cage. She felt how the knuckle duster hit bone and heard a little crack. Her second punch aimed higher and dislocated his jaw which caused him to howl in pain and lose balance. Both Lees were on the ground in under a minute. Arthur turned to Finn to check if he was alright but he pointed in Charlie's direction, eyes widening. “Watch out!”  
  
His warning didn't reach her in time. They hadn't noticed a third guy standing only a couple of yards away, who came running as soon as he realised what was going on. He now overpowered Charlie from behind, grabbing her with both arms, one wrapped around her neck to choke her and the other holding a gun to her temple.  
  
“Who the fuck do you think you are, messing with our business?”, he sneered.  
  
Arthur took a step forward but held up his hands to show that he was unarmed, his mind racing in panic, trying to think of a way to get her out there alive. But Charlie shook her head as best as she could, trying to tell him to stand back. Then she lifted her left leg, reaching for her knife and leaning back, forcing her attacker to support most of her weight. The moment her fingers found the metal handle, she let her whole body go limp, causing the guy to stumble backwards and let go of her. She fell to the ground but simultaneously raised her knife and thrust it into his thigh. He screamed in agony and dropped his weapon immediately as he collapsed to the floor. Charlie bobbed up and clutched her knife to drag it back out. Blood splattered her hands and trousers but she kept him in place with a kick to the stomach, spitting, “That's what you get when you fuck with the Peaky Blinders.”  
  
She wiped her hands and knife on his coat and then turned to the Shelby brothers who watched her with mouths agape. She cocked an eyebrow at Arthur, still breathing heavily as she walked past him.  
  
“Believe me now?”  
  
  
They struck down two more guys on their way into the building. One of them aimed a knife at Charlie's eye but she dodged him and shoved her knee in his testicles. He slipped but his blade still caught her above the eyebrow, leaving a deep cut that sent streams of blood across her face. Finn then jumped in and did the rest with a stab to the back of his knee. She pressed a handkerchief against the side of her head trying to stop the bleeding and insisted that she could still fight. On the staircase they ran into part of their group including John, who went white as chalk when he laid eyes on Charlie.  
  
“The fuck happened?!”  
  
He rushed to her, hands raised to pull hers down and take a look at the wound. But Arthur blocked his way and stared intensely at him.  
  
“Remember what Tommy said? She's fine. We'll stitch her up later in the pub. Now, how many left?”  
  
John scowled at him but backed down and replied “Only one, there in the men's room.”  
  
Arthur nodded and indicated to him to go ahead “After you, brother.”  
  
The other guys said they'd head outside to have a smoke or watch the races from the sidetrack, but Charlie decided she'd take the chance to grab a towel for her head and followed them into the bathroom a couple of moments later. She walked in on John repeatedly smashing a man's head against a sink and stood back. His face was distorted by hatred and rage and had turned into an ugly shadow of itself. He pushed the guy back against the wall and held him there for Arthur to cut off a piece of his ear with the peak of his cap. She knew that she should have been shocked or revolted at least but somehow a strange calm settled over her nerves as she watched this scene. It was at that moment that she came to realise what it really meant that she hadn't been alone in a fight.  
For the first time instead of being driven by revenge or self-defence, she had acted on somebody's orders and this lifted an immense part of the weight off her shoulders. She knew that her own face must have mirrored John's exactly whenever she’d entered a fight and this gave her a weird sense of comfort. There were no bodies to be buried today and that was reason enough for her to hope for a good night's sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A night for celebration.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I can't say this often enough, a big thank you to everyone, who came back, commented or left kudos! I think you're going to like this one :)

“Hold still!”  
  
“What the hell do you think I'm trying to do?”, she growled at Arthur between clenched teeth.   
  
He cleaned her forehead and eyebrow with a wet cloth and wasn't exactly gentle about it, so that she flinched whenever the rough fabric scratched the edges of her wound. The Shelby brothers minus Tommy, who was still on his way back from the races, had retreated to the private room of the Garrison with her while the rest of their group audibly enjoyed their second round on the house outside.   
  
“Nah, you don't need stitches, 'tis not deep enough. But we need to clean it properly.”   
  
He looked expectantly at her, waiting for a reaction, so Charlie sighed, closed her eyes and said firmly “Do it.” Her hands felt on the table in front of her for something to hold on to, but since there was nothing there, John offered her his hand. She gladly wrapped her fingers around his and took two more deep breaths.   
  
“You better not let Tommy see this.”   
  
She opened her left eye only a crack and squinted in Arthur's direction who was pointing at their entwined hands. She huffed and shut her eyes again “Will you just do it? Or hand John the bottle and I'll hold onto you. I sure as fuck won't take Finn's hand ‘cause I might just crush his fingers.”  
  
She tightened her grip and didn't notice the scowl John shot at his brother. He had done this a dozen times for him, for other peaky boys or comrades in the trenches but of course Arthur had to make a fuss about it. Charlie's fingernails dug into his flesh and she sharply inhaled a lung full of air as the rum burned its way through the open wound. Her knuckles turned white and John had to pull himself together to not let it show. His mind flashed back to the day Martha had had their firstborn and she had held onto him in almost the same manner. Then a sudden image of Charlie amidst his children appeared before his inner eye and his heart skipped a beat. He quickly shook his head as if to wipe it away. _She'd never want that.  
_   
Wait- did he want that?   
  
He couldn't help but to think of burying his hands in brown strands of hair, running them up along legs and under that white chemise, seeing the want in haunted grey eyes and felt the blood rushing to his ears and crotch. A rumble of frustration rose in his chest and escaped from his lips as he really wished his brothers were anywhere but there at that particular moment. Charlie misread the sound, thinking she was hurting him and quickly let go of his fingers. She was still breathing heavily as she wiped the superfluous alcohol away from her face and John noticed that her cheeks and neckline had blushed a deep red. He would only have to shift a couple of inches to his right and bend his head to be able to taste it.   
  
_She's in fucking pain, you horny idiot!_  
  
It was that thought that finally broke the spell and he squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, struggling to grasp where his mind had taken him. He was in trouble, he knew that for sure. Whether it was trouble with Tommy or Arthur or Charlie herself. And yet, he knew if she'd just give him any hint in return, he wouldn't give a damn about his brothers. When Charlie shifted and stood, trying to squeeze her way out towards the door, he felt his heart starting to race. Did his face give anything away?   
  
“Where are you going?”, he asked quickly, his voice a notch too raucous.   
  
She replied with a little frown and an irritated smile, “Just to the bathroom to clean up. I feel like I've got blood and rum sticking all over me.”   
  
He nodded und could already feel Arthur's suspicious look burning on him. So he declared that he would get them another round of drinks and left the room behind her.  
  
  
She unhooked the first couple of buttons of her blouse and splashed water on her neck and chest to wash away the traces of blood that had trailed their way down and now stained her freckled skin as little mementos of what she'd done today. Then she formed her left hand into a cup, trying to catch some more water as some of the dried spots refused to vanish as easily. She used some soap and her bare hands to scratch and scrub at her throat more and more ferociously till her skin turned red in protest and she was still convinced that she hadn't got it all off. Suddenly the door handle behind her clicked and she jumped a little, cursing inwardly that Harry still hadn't replaced the lock or found that bloody key. Grace stood before her, doing credit to her name in that beautiful red dress and looking rather shocked for a moment that she had walked in on somebody. But then she noticed Charlie's wound and other smaller bruises and ignored any possible indecency to hurry to her side.  
  
“Dear lord, Charlie, that looks serious! They got you really good, haven't they? Are you alright?” Charlie flashed her a crooked smile and felt herself warm to the other woman and her concern.  
  
“Yeah, don't worry, the bleeding’s stopped. I'll be fine, just need that whiskey Tommy promised to buy us.” She hesitated for a second and shot Grace a questioning look, “Speaking of, how did it go? You certainly look like you'd go to the races every week.”  
  
The thought of Kimber lasciviously clutching at her dress twisted Grace’s lips into a bitter smile. She built up an inner wall before she answered, trying to hide the struggle and how it really affected her, which Charlie recognised instantly.  
  
“Well I've been many things today, but in the end Tommy changed his mind and stepped in before I had the chance to shoot Kimber in his balls.”  
  
Charlie thought about this for a moment and about all its implications before she said quietly “He must have thought, you can handle yourself and you clearly can. But if he stepped in, Grace, then... Let's just say that Tommy apparently for once let his heart win over his head.”  
  
Grace's wall crumbled and Charlie could see all the different emotions fighting with each other, so she turned back to the mirror to give her a moment for herself. When Grace raised her voice again, she changed the subject and just said, “Let me see if I can find some bandages for that”, pointing at Charlie's head. Luckily Harry kept a constant supply in the storage room and when Grace had covered the cut and Charlie had cleaned herself as best she could, they stepped back into the main room together.   
  
There they were greeted by loud cheers and whistles and they froze to the spot as they realised in wonder that the boys had all lined up and now raised their drinks to them. Tommy waited for them at the very front, in each hand a glass of whiskey and an unusually broad smile across his face. He gestured for the others to shut up and then took a step towards them.   
  
“To the ladies of the day. Grace”, he handed her the first drink, “for the dance.” He held her gaze for far longer than necessary before he finally turned to Charlie and passed her the second glass. “And Charlotte, for showing my brothers how it should be done.”   
  
His smile broadened even a little further and he gave her an affectionate clap on the shoulder. “Alright guys, tonight is for celebration”, he proclaimed to everyone, which caused the cheers and claps to rise to a new high.   
  
  
Charlie was fairly quickly three drinks in, which explained why she giggled exuberantly at one of Scudboat's jokes when John stepped next to her to the bar. It was the first time since she'd moved away that he heard her make these joyful sounds and so he marvelled at them for a moment. When Harry demanded his attention and his order, Charlie realised that he had come over and grabbed his lower arm to usher him closer.   
  
“John, you have to listen to this!”   
  
She made Scudboat retell the joke and again burst out into laughter, which twisted John's mouth into a smirk and made his stomach bubble. Then Arthur yelled for Scudboat from the far corner of the room, so that the two of them were left to some privacy. Her fingertips left hot marks on his skin where she still touched him and he was all too aware of how close he stood next to her. But since the pub had filled up with its regular crowd and everybody was caught up in their own conversations that merged into the familiar buzz settling in the air, no one paid any attention to them. She turned on her bar stool to ask Harry for a refill and John had to stifle a rumble of protest when she let go of his arm. Another sip from her fresh drink and she caught John's eye with a mischievous twinkle in hers.  
  
“You know what the girls used to do, when they wanted to tease Ada?”  
  
He shook his head but curiosity was written all over his face.   
  
“They started swooning over you guys and she was so annoyed to hear these things about her brothers.” Her voice went two pitches higher “Ooh Tommy's got the most beautiful eyes, Arthur's so strong and John”, he pulled his eyebrows up expectantly, “John has the sweetest smile.”  
  
On cue his signature grin spread from ear to ear and she chuckled gleefully in response, her voice back to normal, “It made her so mad and she'd tell us to just shut up.”  
  
“Us? What did you swoon about?” There, he got her, but he hadn’t managed to faze her as she simply smiled casually and said “Wouldn't you like to know.”   
  
He would, indeed, and he inched a little bit closer in excitement, “The more important question is, who did you swoon about?”   
  
The look in his eyes pinned her down and she had to try hard to not expose what it did to her insides. So she just took another sip and answered, dead serious: “Arthur, his moustache always had me weak in the knees.”  
  
They stared at each other for a couple of seconds and then broke out into laughter at the same moment.  
  


They spend the next two hours talking about old faces and forgotten names, about friends and neighbours and carefree times and when John had finished his glass even about some of the guys from France, whose memories he normally kept stored well away. He tried to hide how it affected him, he really did, but she realised that he had manoeuvred himself into tricky territory and was caught up in his thoughts, so she tried a change of subject.  
  
“You know who always said he'd be in a street gang way more scary and influential than the Blinders?”  
  
He shook his head and she squealed “Gary Hanson!” He huffed in disbelief, “That guy had two left feet and stumbled over both of them.” She nodded, “Yeah, but I think he was just pissed that you wouldn't admit him, so-“  
  
A complacent grin spread across his face and he interrupted her “That's what you think, is it?” She nodded, slightly confused, and he went on, “Well I know for a fact that good old Gary fancied you like mad and I think he was just trying to impress you.”   
  
She cocked an eyebrow at him, obviously not flattered about the prospect of Gary's affections and said “Well, he should see me now and it would set his head straight about a couple of things. She pointed to her bandages, but John didn't let her off the hook. “What are you talking about? You look dangerous with these.”   
  
Another chuckle from her, “Dangerous, is it that what men want in a woman today?”  
  
“Well, I can't speak for others but, when it comes to me-“, his voice trailed off and both of her eyebrows shot up in surprise. Had he just indirectly admitted that he wanted her?   
  
She was sure that neither of them was drunk enough so that they could simply blame the alcohol, but now a dizziness took hold of her senses and she had trouble thinking straight. He held her gaze, desperate to know what would happen next and the crackling tension between them only seemed to intensify. Then in a split second, her eyes darted down to his lips and when she looked back up, something dark had shrouded them.   
  
There it was, the hint, the want, and his breath hitched for a heartbeat as her gaze seemed to set his insides on fire and burn away every reasonable thought. He lifted one hand to his mouth, taking the toothpick out of its corner while the other one found her fingers that rested on top of the bar and pulled her off the chair. She swallowed hard, her mind racing as she knew exactly what was about to happen, but even when all reason screamed at her to stop right there, something else was stronger, urging her forward. His eyes didn't leave hers as he led her the couple of steps to the private room and guided her inside. He closed the door with a kick of his foot as his hands found her waist instantly, tugging her close and moving her backwards until her back hit the closest wall. They were so close that they could feel each other’s breaths sending hot frissons of anticipation over their skin. Her hands betrayed her, being caught up in the fabric of the shirt stretched over his chest when she tried for a last attempt of rationality.   
  
“Fuck, John, we shouldn't.” Her voice was barely more than a throaty whisper and his face hovered over hers in an instant of hesitation.   
  
“Yeah, I know”, he rasped in return but simultaneously his eyes landed on her tongue that flickered over her lower lip.   
  
That was more than enough to push him over the edge and he let his mouth crash onto hers, pressing her up against the wall and at the same time pulling her as close as he could. It was hungry, messy and even more intense than John had imagined it would be. His right hand shot up to rest against her cheek and he tilted her head for better access, trying to follow the trace of her tongue with his own. When he bit down on her lip, she answered with a delicious moan and a lick into his mouth, which caused his trousers to tighten painfully. Her hands wandered to his neck and then got rid of his cap so that she could tug at short strands of hair and run her fingers down his scalp. He returned the favour, throwing her cap next to his to the ground and then let his hands brush down her body, exploring curves and touching sweet spots, in desperate need to make her moan again like before.   
She had already shrugged the suit jacket off his shoulders and now pushed her fingers under waistcoat and shirt at the hem to feel his bare skin, when his hands reached her breasts. He cupped them, caressed them until he could feel her nipples harden through the soft fabric and as he tweaked them lightly, his name fell off her lips in a husky sound of want. It made him groan into her mouth in response and they decided that there were still too many clothes in their way. He wanted to feel her right there, he wanted to cover every inch of her body with his, he wanted-   
  
A loud wooden bang caused them to jump in surprise and tore them violently apart. They turned to the entrance of the room both fairly dazed and confused, only to find Arthur with a girl in his arm in the doorframe apparently having the same intentions as them. Arthur was noticeably more drunk than them but his face deformed into a mask of outrage once he realised what was going on.  
  
“Fuckin’ hell, John, I thought we made ourselves very clear that this is fuckin’ off limits!! You can't fuck and fight together! TOMMY! Wait till he sees this, we’re gonna rip you both a bloody new one!”  
  
John shuffled his body protectively in front of Charlie's and this one time she didn't try to fight him on it.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An evening at Ada's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since my lovely beta is incredibly busy at the moment and I didn't want to pressure her or keep you waiting, here comes the raw thing :)  
> This is a bit of a filler but I wanted to give some room to our peaky ladies. Also I feel like Charlie can be a coward when it comes to John ;)  
> Again thank you so much for coming back! Let me know how you feel about this, any thoughts are very welcome :)

Charlie turned up the collar of her old coat to keep out the evening chill and creeping mist and lit herself a cigarette while she waited. It'd been ten days since Arthur had walked in on them and she still hadn't spoken to John after his brothers gave them a lecture. Their words were ever-present in her head. She turned them over, repeated them several times in a row, thought about their different implications and still came to the same conclusion time and again - that Tommy was probably right.  
  
Arthur had just been angry and drunk and loud, but Tommy's voice had been calm, almost dangerously smooth up until John wouldn't take their paternalism anymore.  
  
"The fuck do you actually care? We're grownups for fuck's sake, and what happens between us is none of your bloody business."  
  
Then Tommy had leant forwards and fixated them with one of his inexorable looks. "It's very well part of my fuckin’ business, ‘cause you both work for me and whatever this is between you will have consequences for your-"  
  
But John didn't let him finish, “You're a fuckin’ hypocrite, Tommy! How is you taking Grace to the races any different from me and Charlie working together, huh? Tell you what, it isn't. Just that your own bloody rules don't apply when it comes to you.”  
  
Tommy had taken a step forward and stood uncomfortably close to his brother but John kept a straight face. Tommy’s voice was an infuriated rumble when he said “The fuckin’ difference is, John, that you're already in deep. Neither of you has any idea of what's actually going on between you” - the knots in Charlie's stomach only confirmed that – “but you don't just simply want to fuck her, so much's for sure. And may I remind you, that you've been crying for weeks before Charlotte showed up, that you can't get your kids under control and that they need a new mother. I wonder what she's thinking about that.”  
  
Her eyes had widened in panic, but Tommy didn't let her have a chance to speak. “Also brother, you're right. I almost fucked up today because I didn't stick to the plan and wanted to put a fuckin’ bullet in Kimber's head for thinking he could just take Grace whenever he liked. So I think I bloody well know what I'm talking about.”  
  
John had swallowed hard, avoiding her gaze and Charlie's mind was racing with the new information she tried to process. _Already in deep? A mother for his kids?_  
  
Tommy's face softened a little and his posture lost its edge, when he finally added, “I won't put you on the streets together until you've figured out whatever it is between you both. I can't. ‘Cause when there's feelings, there's distraction and different priorities, which means that one of you will get hurt eventually. And Charlotte, as much as I'm sorry to say this, but I really hope that it won't be my brother.”  
  
She shivered, pulling the coat closer around her and drawing a deep breath from her cigarette as she realised that she could nothing but agree with him on this. The one thing she wouldn't be able to bear was John getting hurt because of her. So much, she knew for sure. Everything else was an intricate mess of desperate hope, greater fear and the lurking awareness of a forlornness that made her want to throw up whenever she stopped to think about it. Tommy had told her that Curly and their uncle needed help down by the docks, preparing shipments and organising supplies for customers from down the river, which meant that she had committed some minor thefts over the last week. She had taken the chance in a heartbeat, hoping to be able to clear her head, but the more time passed, the larger her inner chaos seemed to grow.  
  
“Are you brooding again?”  
  
Ada had stepped out of the chemist onto the street and now surveyed her closely. Charlie tried for a crooked smile but the effort was lost on her friend, who simply linked arms with her and dragged her along the way.  
  
“Did you get everything or do you need to go someplace else?”  
  
Ada shook her head in response, “No, I got all I need. But I was hoping for you to stay a little while. Freddie is gone for a meeting and I got some cheese and bread and sweets that Polly brought over.”  
  
Charlie nodded, well aware that Ada probably wanted to try and talk some sense into her but she really didn't feel like being alone tonight either. Polly had taken Charlie with her to their place two days after Cheltenham and amidst all the huddle, it had felt like balm to her twisted and tensed up nerves to simply have Ada draw her into her arms and hug her for what felt like ten minutes on end, genuinely happy to see her again. They were glad for each other's company, Ada feeling safer and more at ease when she went out with her, and Charlie being able to cling to the almost only unimpaired part of her past.  
  
Back in Freddie's flat, Ada prepared some tea for them while Charlie laid the table with plates and the few ingredients for their dinner. They moved in silence and once she was finished, Charlie let her eyes wander across the bare walls that stood in stark contrast to the little bouquet of flowers on the mantelpiece, the colourful teacups and the patched-up quilt on their bed. They wore distinctly Ada's taste. People would say, they had a feminine touch to them and Charlie felt a little twitch in her stomach. It was that prevailing mindset, which linked the female with the emotional and degraded both as secondary and weak which upset her, while Ada had created something fundamental that especially after France both men and women craved alike - a home. Charlie suddenly wished that she had some colourful teacups.  
  
Ada placed one of them in front of her, then cradling her own with both hands. “Have you made up your mind?”  
  
Charlie simply grunted in response and busied herself with buttering a slice of bread. Ada nudged further, “You know you have to face him eventually.”  
  
Another grunt and a full mouth hindered Charlie from answering properly. Ada took a sip of tea and then settled her cup on the table. “You know that he fancied you before you moved away, right? Wouldn't shut up about you and kept asking me questions for a week straight after he started to teach you how to fight.”  
  
Charlie's chewing slowed down and she finally swallowed heavily, bites still too large and scratching the walls of her throat. Her face was covered in disbelief and her voice sounded hoarse when she asked “Why didn't he say anything?”  
  
Ada studied her friend's face closely and a sad smile twisted her lips, “Thought he had more time. You moved pretty abruptly.”  
  
A future started to build up before Charlie's inner eye, a future filled with belonging, warmth, kisses on bruised lips and arms wrapped around her sides. She felt the air draining from her lungs as that inevitable sensation of loss took hold of her heart and numbed her body. She felt deceived, robbed of that future and her voice started to shake, “Why didn't _you_ say anything?”  
  
Ada held her hands up defensively and was quick to explain, “He would have killed me. He wanted to do it properly, so he waited for the right moment to tell you.”  
  
Charlie lowered her gaze and slumped down, her words barely audible, “Well, it's past.”  
  
Wondering how she managed to make it even worse when she wanted to comfort her, Ada reached across the table to take Charlie's hand and brushed her thumb across her knuckles in a soothing motion. “When Polly told me you were back, I thought you both got a second chance.” She watched her intently but Charlie didn't look up, so she went on. “I know that you've changed but so has John. The war has made him a different man.”  
  
Charlie's head shot up and Ada could see a wet haze clouding her eyes. Her voice was raw with despair and broke when she said “That's the problem, Ada, that's the fuckin’ problem. Two broken pieces don't make a new whole.”  
  
  
Ada had stuffed her with sweets once she had calmed down enough to eat again, but now on her way back home, Charlie wished it had been whiskey or something similarly strong. She considered stopping by the Garrison for a nightcap but she had to be early down by the docks tomorrow morning, so she went right back to her flat. When a group of coppers crossed her path, she lowered her gaze immediately and drew the cloth over her nose up higher to cover her face as best as possible. She slowed down, however, trying to catch scraps of their conversation.  
  
“Shelby fucked him up good with his little fire, heard he got a call from Churchill that same night. Now, he's hiding out in his office, that coward. 'm sure the same tactic got him out of duty for France.”  
  
Bellowing laughter and then, “Belfast twits run around scaring people but have no bloody clue where these fuckin’ guns might be.”  
  
_Guns- which guns-?_  
  
Their voices trailed off and Charlie cursed under her breath. She couldn't follow them for more information, they'd notice in a heartbeat. Hiding in his office suited Campbell right, she scoffed inwardly and felt how her hands clenched into fists. But it also meant that she had no chance for access. She needed to catch him on his own, separate from his army of gory henchmen, needed a pretence to lure him out, to distract him long enough so that he wouldn't even know what hit him. Her feet had carried her right to her doorstep and she closed her eyes for a couple of seconds to try and calm her racing heartbeat. Still, when a hand reached for her shoulder from behind, she spun around on the spot, knife already brandished and ready to jump at whoever stood there. Polly drew up her eyebrows rather unimpressed and didn't flinch at the sight of the weapon but she realised that she had given Charlie a fright.  
  
“Charlotte, it's just me. I looked out of the window and saw that you're back. Is everything alright with Ada?”  
  
Charlie heaved a heavy sigh and leaned against the brick wall behind her while she stored the knife away in her pocket and nodded. But before she had the chance to go into detail, Polly went on, “Good, then you need to go to the Garrison, right now.”  
  
A frown spread over Charlie's face and she wanted to explain that she really needed some sleep by now, but Polly inched closer.  
  
“I said it's none of my business and that I'd let you both sort this out on your own, you are grownups after all. But Tommy and Arthur said they tried to drag him out and he refuses to come. This is the third night this week, Charlotte, and if he goes on like that, he won't have much of a liver left by the end of it. He wants to talk to you, only to you. So you go there right now and take care of him, ‘cause this is how we handle it in this family.”  
  
Charlie swallowed hard and was on her way before Polly could say another word. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since this isn't beta'd and English is not my mother tongue, please excuse any language errors.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A drunken John is a very talkative Shelby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A massive thank you to everyone, who continues to follow John and Charlie and also to my amazing beta for catching up so quickly. As always, I'd love to read what you have to say about this :)

John slammed his fist on top of the bar and scowled furiously at Grace. “I said I want another fuckin’ pint, so fuckin’ serve it to me.”   
  
She folded her arms across her chest, trying to look calm with a trace of boredom to it, but she was secretly glad that Harry was still around and she didn't have to deal with a Shelby in a state like his on her own. John was already well past a reasonable amount of alcohol when Arthur and Tommy came to try and take him home, but now he had reached the point where even Harry stood up to him and refused to serve him another drop.   
“John, why don't you listen to your brothers and just go home? Get some rest.”  
  
Even though Harry's voice was soft and accentuated with genuine worry, it only seemed to rile John up further. “Don't fuckin’ tell me what to do! I think I need to have a word with your boss - ARTHUR!”  
  
Both Harry and Grace shook their heads simultaneously and Grace added mildly, “He's long gone, John.”  
  
They turned their attention back to the other customers, but when Charlie entered the pub all flushed and out of breath, Grace mouthed a "Thank god you're here" in her direction. Charlie tried to calm her heartbeat with a few deep breaths and then braced herself as she gently put a hand on John's upper arm. A whole range of emotions passed over his face when his eyes met hers but he eventually settled for a mixture of relief and annoyance. He averted his gaze and mumbled into his empty glass, which he clutched with both hands.   
  
“What do you want? I thought you left again.”  
  
A small frown creased Charlie's forehead and she inched closer, her hand stroking down to his lower arm and holding on. “John, I-“ She was lost for words. Another try. “Johnny, please look at me.”   
  
His head shot around at her mentioning his nickname. She was once one of the very few privileged enough to be allowed to call him that and now he wished she had done it under different circumstances. Like when he had pinned her down underneath him and let his tongue wander across her collarbone. He swallowed hard trying to concentrate on the freckles that covered her cheeks, but they seemed to move and blurred into one another.   
  
“I thought you left again, okay?”, he slurred accusingly. “You didn't show up to work, your bloody room's dark all the time and nobody would tell me where you were.”  
  
She cocked an eyebrow at him, well aware that he was going overboard with this and that at least Tommy and Polly could have told him instantly where she was, but she knew that she deserved this for avoiding him this long, so she didn't try to fight him on it. Instead she took his hand in hers and tried to pull him off the chair.   
  
“I didn't leave, I just worked a couple of jobs with Curly. Come on now, let's get you home.”  
  
He stood but lost his footing immediately so that he stumbled into Charlie and she had to wrap an arm around his waist to stabilise him. She felt his hot breath caressing the skin behind her ear and before she could start to move them towards the door, his hand found her cheek. He brushed it gently with coarse fingertips. “You can't leave me, Charlie, you hear that? Not again.”  
  
His voice was nothing more than a raspy whisper but the sincerity and vulnerability in his eyes made her chest tighten and her heart skip a beat. She tried to tear her gaze away from his slightly open lips and took a step forward.   
  
“I won't, I'm right here. Now, let's go home.”  
  
  
Once John had taken a couple of lungs full of the night's air, he seemed to clear up to the extent that he could almost walk by himself. Still, almost meant that he did occasionally swerve, threatening to trip or crash into something on his way, so that Charlie kept her arm around his back and held him by her side. He talked incessantly from the moment they had set a foot outside the pub and didn't seem to notice whether she answered or not. Most of it related to his kids and initially Charlie felt a poor sense of relief, thinking that whatever stood between John and her wasn't the only reason for his excessive drinking. But then he went on and told her about all the little things which seemed to slip further and further out of his control. How they fought with each other, how they refused to listen and did the exact opposite of what he told them to do.   
How his youngest had belly aches so frequently that he spent many nights up, carrying him in his arms and soothing him. How he was told that they cried until they were too exhausted to stay awake whenever he had to work late and couldn't put them to bed. And how they still asked him for their mum and when she was coming back, loss and fear in their wide eyes, so that he had no bloody idea of how to handle it. It consumed him, overran him and nearly broke him.   
  
Listening to him, Charlie felt like the floor beneath her feet was starting to slip as if someone dragged it away to make her tumble. She leaned against John to regain her balance, heavy lump in her throat and mind racing to think of something, anything she could say to him. She had no experiences with kids, hell, she knew that someone who had blood on their hands as often as she did wasn't fit to be around them. She thought about her sister, whom she had looked after ever since they were little, but they had only been a couple of years apart. Then her mind jumped to her mother and she knew she couldn't tell him that it had taken her months if not years to finally accept her death. So there was nothing. Nothing she could to do to ease his pain or provide comfort or help of any kind. But that was what he needed badly, maybe more than anything else at the moment.   
  
They entered Watery Lane walking in the middle of the road and Charlie intended to pull him carefully to the left when they were only a few steps away from the Shelby house. But John seemed to have had the same thought dragging her determinedly in the opposite direction towards her doorstep.   
  
“John, wait, what are you doing? That's the wrong house, come on.”  
  
Charlie came to a halt, stabilising his body weight against her and trying to turn them around, when John protested, “No, we- I- I can't go in there now. I'll just wake them up and then they'll be upset or cry for the rest of the night. Polly will take care of them in the morning. Let me- Charlie, please just let me stay, will you?”  
  
The pleading expression on his face made her heart go soft and she realised that there was something she could do for him after all, at least for tonight. “Alright”, she sighed, “but I really hope you don't snore. I have to be down by the docks tomorrow before sunrise.”  
  
She spun them around on the spot and manoeuvred John up the stairs as quietly as possible. In her room he instantly collapsed to her bed, his back propped up against the wall behind it so that he was at least still semi-upright. Suddenly Charlie felt a rush of nervousness taking hold of her and she felt out of place in her own home, so she busied herself with rummaging through the closest for another pillow and blanket. John watched her through half-closed eyelids and only realised what was going on when she spread the blanket on the floor next to the bed.   
  
“What are you doing? You don't really think one of us is going to sleep down there. There is more than enough space here.” He patted the bed next to him and stared at her disbelievingly.  
  
Charlie herself looked far from convinced, wondering how much of what he said he actually processed, but John was already one step ahead. He stood surprisingly smoothly and took hold of both of her hands, inching closer until Charlie could feel the heat radiating from his body. She swallowed hard. There it was again, that hot prickle spreading from her stomach down to her toes and up into her head, making her dizzy, whenever his gaze fixed her with its intensity. John drew his lower lip into his mouth, wetting it with his tongue, his voice sounding throaty when he spoke.   
  
“'m not gonna steal your bed and you're definitely not gonna sleep on the floor, Char.”  
  
His eyes dropped to her lips and she could smell the mixture of alcohol, cigars and lust on him. He lowered his head, mouth brushing her ear and sending shivers of arousal down her spine.   
  
“I don't think we're gonna need much space anyway.”  
  
A smirk spread over his face when he realised that she was already breathing heavily. He was taking his time, no need to rush like the other night but every second that passed brought Charlie more on edge. His fingers found her waist and drew her into him, he closed the gap between them, causing fabrics to ruffle against each other and skin to touch skin. His mouth hovered over hers, the edges still twisted into a smile and savouring teasing her to its fullest. That was when she wouldn't take it anymore, so she wrapped her hands around his neck and let her mouth find his, beating him to it. Their lips moved slowly but fervently against each other, with a delicious laziness that left room for their tongues to meet and explore. Her hands slid down over his shoulders to clutch at his shirt and draw him even closer while his tugged her blouse out of the waistband of her trousers to let his fingers run over the bare skin of her back, sending goose bumps all over her body. Encouraged, she bit at his lower lip and sucked it briefly into her mouth with caused him to groan in pleasure and press her up against him. Then his lips left hers, trailing from her jaw-line down to her neck, where his tongue and teeth did just what he had imagined before, nibbling and drawing little circles on her skin, with the desired effect. She felt her knees go weak, leaned into him and his name escaped her lips in a soft breath.  
  
“Johnny...”  
  
Suddenly his vision blurred around the edges and the frissons running through his body and making his head spin overwhelmed him so that he stumbled backwards, arms still holding on to her body. Charlie found her footing just in time to redirect his fall, helping him land gently on the bed on his back.   
  
“John, fuck, are you alright?”  
  
Both of them still breathed unevenly and Charlie's features were creased with worry as she stood over him. John turned around and pressed his face into a pillow, eyes shut tight and waiting for the world to stop spinning. When he spoke, his voice came out as a muffled moan. “Fuckin’ booze.”  
  
Charlie uttered a sigh of relief and slumped down next to him, guessing that when his blood had rushed downwards, it had left his head exposed to the alcohol to strike again with full force. She placed a hand on his back, drawing soothing patterns when he shifted his face carefully and squinted in her direction.   
  
“You don't know how much it pains me to say this, but I won't be able to move another inch tonight.”   
  
Charlie chuckled lowly in response, letting her fingers wander up to the back of his head and through his hair. “Don't worry. You should get some sleep, it'll make you feel better.”  
  
“You'll make me feel better”, he retorted, mischievous grin on his face and well aware that the alcohol loosened his tongue. Then he felt for her other hand to draw her closer and urge to her lay down next to him. She quickly got rid of most of her clothes and helped him out of his trousers to make him more comfortable. It was most certainly a single bed but that bothered neither of them when she adjusted her body to fit his, still gently caressing his back and facing him. They looked at each other, moments passing in silence and features illuminated only by the soft light of the street lamps falling through the window. Then John cleared his throat and a flash of insecurity flitted over his face.  
  
”I- I thought a lot about what Tommy said...”   
  
His words were quiet and they seemed to blur into one another, so Charlie interrupted him before he could go on. “Me too, but- but I think we should wait till you've sobered up. We don't need to do this now.”  
  
The relief she felt about being able to put the conversation off was mirrored on his face and he nodded once before he wrapped his arms around her, turning her over so that he could be the big spoon. She felt how he shuffled and buried his face in the crook of her neck, planting small kisses on her shoulder while his body relaxed and sleep gradually took hold of him. She wanted to frame this moment, fix it in her head and hold on to it for the rest of her time. And then the alcohol got the better of him again before he drifted away completely. He knew that he would never had said it like this had he been sober, when every ounce of reason told him that he had to handle this differently if he didn't want to chase her away and still he mumbled already half asleep, “Think we should just marry that would shut him right up.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Late-night talks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the late update, but life got in the way! To make it up to you, this one is extra long :)   
> Soundtrack for this chaper: "Just tonight" by The Pretty Reckless. I had it on repeat while writing it.

John woke up the next morning feeling like the whole Lee clan had spent the night smashing his head against a wall. Eyes still shut, he buried his head in the pillow and groaned audibly, which he immediately regretted because it only seemed to worsen his headache. He waited a couple of moments for the pain to abate while his thoughts lined themselves up lazily and a realisation cut its way through the hazy mist that clouded his brain. It was quiet. Unusually quiet. He took in a deep breath and his stomach did a little somersault as natural reaction to the smell surrounding him. Cinnamon and blackberries. Charlie.   
He squinted against the light that the late morning sun cast through the curtains, hoping to find her next to him. But instead he was greeted by a scrap of paper and only now came to realise that he wasn't in his own bed. His mind started to pick up the pace as he propped himself up on his elbows and took a glance under the blanket to find that he was wearing only his underwear.  
  
_What the- had they-_ no, he surely would remember if they had, wouldn't he?   
  
He let himself fall back into the pillows and another groan escaped his throat, cursing the alcohol and Harry and himself while running his hand over his face in frustration. Little by little bits and pieces of last night started to come back to him, but he still lacked important chunks of memory that would allow him to put everything together. She had come for him to the pub, he had felt her body pressed up against his side as she led them home and he remembered the taste of her skin. But then? The gaps in his memories left a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach which didn't mix well with the traces of alcohol still lingering there. He must have messed it up somehow, whether he went too fast or said something stupid, but he had the distinct feeling that he would like to kick his falling-down drunk self in the balls. He pulled the blanket over his head and turned around, which was when his gaze fell on the piece of paper again. He quickly unfolded it and read:   
  
_Meet me here tonight? - C._  
  
  
Charlie was brushing down one of the three horses that were currently in Curly's custody, working the curry-comb vigorously, when she heard Tommy's voice outside the stable. She had helped the guys store away the stolen goods of last night's robbery before the sun rose and then turned to her secretly-favourite part of the day. The stable was filled to capacity at the moment and considering that it constituted the only entirely legal part of the Shelby business (although also the smallest), it offered an atmosphere of peace and calm that could hardly be found anywhere else in the city. Tommy popped his head in through the door, looking for her.   
  
“Charlotte, a word.”   
  
His gaze and voice gave nothing away and he sounded just as composed as ever, but as Charlie put down the brush, she felt a nervousness creeping through her, guessing that he wanted answers that she still couldn't give him. When she joined him, he offered her a cigarette and she gladly accepted it before he led her the couple of steps down to the river. They smoked in silence, both contemplating the black stillness of the water in front of them until Tommy cleared his throat carefully.   
  
“You got him home alright?”  
  
Charlie nodded and took another drag, exhaling slowly before she said, “Well to my place at least. He didn't want to wake the kids.”  
  
Tommy raised an eyebrow, turning halfway in her direction and looking at her now. “So you all settled then?”  
  
She met his gaze undeterred and shook her head. “He was three sheets to the wind, Tommy. Even if we had talked, I doubt he'd remember it now.”  
  
It was Tommy's turn to nod and his eyes were back on the water, when Charlie added, “He did say we should marry though.”  
  
Her voice was calm, almost unmoved, which was mainly due to her lying awake for two more hours last night and trying to persuade herself that it had been the alcohol talking. But that conviction crumbled when Tommy now heaved a little sigh and shook his head slightly in disbelief. He muttered more to himself than to her, “Thought Polly told him to take it fuckin’ easy.”   
  
Charlie's heart skipped a beat and then it started pounding heavily against her ribcage. She felt her mouth go dry and swallowed once before she asked, “Are you- are you saying he meant it?” She took a step forward and forced him to look at her again, “Tommy...”  
  
He led the cigarette back to his mouth, uncertain how far he wanted to get involved, but he also knew that she needed some clarity. “You should make up your mind, have an answer ready when you talk. And you should talk soon.”  
  
She averted her gaze, seemed distant now and caught up in thoughts, and just mumbled a reply. “I asked him to come by my place tonight.”   
  
Tommy nodded determinedly, “Right, I'll make sure he has the evening off then.”   
  
He flicked the rest of his cigarette to the ground and briefly put his hand on her shoulder before he turned to leave. That was when something else stirred in the back of Charlie's head and before she really thought it through, she blurted out, “Tommy wait- which guns?”  
  
He stopped dead in his tracks and Charlie tried again, “Which guns is Campbell looking for?”  
  
Tommy spun on his heel and covered the distance between them in a split second. His voice was a low rumble and he stood so close that Charlie could smell the traces of smoke on his breath. “Who told you about this?”  
  
“I- I overheard some coppers-“, she stammered.  
  
“Right, you do not talk about this to anyone and you don't concern yourself with this any further, understood?”  
  
She nodded but he could see the various questions written all over her face so he cut her off, “I trust you to do your job, so I expect the same in return. That's how it works when you're a Blinder.”  
  
He didn't wait for a response but left her with that and marched off vigorously.  
  


The sun had just set when Charlie turned into Watery Lane and she was surprised to see a figure waiting by her doorstep. She hadn't expected him to be there already, thought that she would have time to clean up and maybe change. But for once all of the kids had fallen asleep at the same time and John had rushed over, partly to make sure that she wouldn't back out. He stood there, one foot propped up against the wall behind him, hands in his pockets, toothpick and cap in place and looked bloody dapper, which made Charlie curse under her breath for probably smelling like horse droppings. When his eyes met hers and a relieved smile spread over his face, she felt her stomach flip and the familiar prickle fill her with waves of warmth. She mirrored his smile, but quickly took off her cap and tried to straighten her hair with her fingers during the last couple of steps, which caused him to chuckle and shake his head.   
  
“Stop that fuss”, he grinned when she came to a halt in front of him, “You look stunning as always.”  
  
Charlie raised her left eyebrow, looking far from convinced but she felt too flustered to seriously object. Instead she just mumbled a quiet, “Hey, Shelby.”  
  
Now it was his turn to frown playfully at her, “So formal today? We did get to Johnny last night if I remember correctly.”  
  
Charlie's smile faded and was replaced by a blush that deepened the colour of her cheeks. “You remember last night?”, she croaked out.   
  
The look on her face confirmed his hunch and he was quick to explain, “No, not really, just some details, but since I thought that I probably fucked it up, I brought you this.”   
He reached into the inner pocket of his coat and pulled out a single sunflower.  
  
“Snitched it from the field down Coleridge Road, ya know the one where we used to train?”  
  
Charlie was lost for words and just stood there staring back and forth between him and the flower so that John started to doubt his idea. “Never mind”, he mumbled, “should have known, 'tis stupid.”  
  
But before he could toss it away, Charlie found her voice and reached for it. “Don't you dare! I- I'm sorry, it's just the first time I ever got flowers.”  
  
His face lit up again and he shoved his hands back in his pockets, teasing, “So it's a good thing I only brought you one for starters. A whole bunch probably would have knocked you out.”   
  
She stuck her tongue out at him and unlocked the door to lead him up the stairs.   
  
  
Once they were back in her room, a nervous tension cloaked them, seemingly hampering their every move. Charlie avoided his gaze, overwhelmed by the conflicting desires to be as close as possible to him and to just run away from this particular moment. She placed the flower in a glass of water and, looking at it, she knew she owed him this conversation.  
  
“Tea?”  
  
John nodded silently and Charlie moved to the stove, glad for anything that kept her hands occupied. He followed her with his eyes and while Charlie's mind was still racing to find somewhere to start from, John cleared his throat and took that small burden off her shoulders. “You know, I'm sorry for being so wasted last night. I don't really know what I've said or done but if I've offended you in any way-“  
  
That was when Charlie spun on the spot and interrupted him by blurting out, “You said we should marry.”  
  
She held on to the countertop behind her und watched him with wide eyes. It wasn't an accusation or something she expected him to apologize for, but it was that big bloody elephant in the room, and she couldn't dance around it any longer. She needed to know what he thought, all of it. John looked just as shocked as she had felt last night and it took him a couple of moments to collect himself. But then his face took on a determined expression and he nodded slightly when he said, “Right, not how I planned it to go, but I'm not taking it back.”  
  
Her eyes widened a notch further but otherwise she didn't dare to move, so he covered the distance between them with two long strides and went on, “You're not going to leave again Charlie, not when I just got you back. I messed it up back then, should 've just had the balls to tell you straight out. Don't get me wrong, I'm fuckin’ thankful for Martha and the kids, don't want to change that. But now- I'm not gonna mess it up again, Char.”  
  
The sincerity in his gaze made her breath hitch and when his hands found her waist to tug her close to him, she felt a dizziness flooding her head that made it hard to form any coherent thought. She broke away from his eyes and shook her head to herself.  
  
“What about your kids? I'm not a mum, John. Hell, I sleep with a bloody knife under my pillow, I nearly cut Arthur's face the other day because of that fuckin’ nightmare and they come all the time, almost every night, John. When I got blood on me, right”, she rambled on, her breathing swallow now and pushing him away from her as if she was afraid of hurting him, “I scratch so hard that sometimes my skin comes off because it just won't fuckin’ go away.”   
  
She took the hot water from the stove but he spun her back around and cradled her face with both hands before she could finish brewing the tea. “I'm not gonna make a bloody housewife out of you. We'll figure something out, hire a maid or something.” He tried to keep his voice calm and composed but it didn't register with her.  
  
“A maid?”, she scoffed. “We're not some fancy rich folk, John. I know you're a Shelby, but we're still in Small Heath. You can't afford a maid when you already got four kids to feed. They should be your fuckin’ priority.”  
  
He let go of her and started pacing the room, having troubles now controlling all the different feelings that boiled up inside him. “We'll deal, Charlie, alright? As long I fuckin’ got you, it'll be fine. It will be like it used to be back then.”  
  
That was what made Charlie snap, and she now let it all go, panic and exasperation lacing her voice, nearly breaking it.  
  
“It can't be like it used to be again. For fuck's sake John, I'm not fifteen anymore. There's no innocence left, no hope left for me. All there is is one fucking bullet that I'm gonna put into that copper's head, if I even make it that far. I've had a gun to my head more times than I can count and some day one of them is going to pull the trigger fast enough. That's all there is for me. You've got your kids, a family, a bloody business, you're gonna move up in the world. I don't have _anything_ to offer you. I'd ruin you. You shouldn't have to bury another wife. Is that what you want?!”  
  
She felt tears streaming down her face but she didn't try to hold them back or hide them away. She needed to make him see, to make him understand that when it came down to it, there wasn't enough left of her anymore. He had stopped pacing and just stood there paralysed, realisation dawning on him but still trying to fight it, needing to hear it out of her mouth.   
  
“Say it”, he croaked. “Say you don't want me.”  
  
A sob escaped from her throat and she shook her head vigorously. “This is not about what I fuckin’ want. I'd catch a bullet for you at any given time. Your life means more to me than my own.”  
  
She felt her knees trembling and flew forwards to wrap her arms around his middle, burying her face in his chest. They supported each other, preventing one another from collapsing and John pressed his lips to her hair, when she said, “You're gonna have a house in the countryside one day, John, all your kids running around and a fuckin’ gorgeous wife who's going to kick your ass if she has to. You're going to have all of it, but I can't give it to you.”  
  
Her voice gave out and John just wrapped his arms tighter around her, feeling her tears soaking through his shirt and refusing to let go of what he felt inevitably slipping beyond his reach. With the sensation of loss rose a surge of panic within him, clenching his chest and throat, taking away the air and he started to sputter thoughts without being able to process all the things that threatened to overwhelm him.   
  
“Fuck me- Charlie, tomorrow alright? I can't fuckin’- We'll start over tomorrow, just- Don't make me leave, you hear me? Don't fuckin’ make me leave tonight.”  
  
She tried to straighten herself and take a step back but John held her by the upper arms, not ready to let go of her just yet. Charlie swallowed hard and when she spoke, her voice sounded breathy. “I can't- I can't wake up next to you again. It's just- ... too much like it could have been.”   
  
She twisted her face in self-disgust, feeling like she’d hurt him even more than she already had but John just shook his head slightly. “You won't have to... Just don't make me leave just yet, alright?”  
  
Charlie nodded, not trusting her voice anymore and John settled his forehead against hers, eyes shut, feeling some of the tension in his body fading and finally feeling able to breathe properly again. His hands slid down her arms to settle on her hips, hooking his thumbs through her belt loops and pulling her gently back against him. He didn't want to think, tried to ignore his head screaming at him and demanding answers and a final reaction right now. He needed time, he needed fucking time to breathe - hers hitched and grew increasingly irregular and shallow. He opened his eyes and met her gaze burning in response, only now making him realise that his hands had trailed up her back past the sensitive spots that caused her to shiver when he touched them and had come to a halt when reaching the fabric of her bra. He held his breath and felt a hot wave of desperate craving crashing over him - one, two, three seconds - and they moved at the same time.   
  
Their lips clashed, their hands clutched and their tongues found each other, Charlie wrapping her arms around his neck, pulling herself up and close to him while John was trying to stabilise her, pressing her into him. They staggered instinctively towards the bed, a moving mess of bodies, panting and hot kisses and Charlie stripping John of his suit jacket on the way. He bit her lower lip, sucked it into his mouth and licked it hungrily, returning the favour from last night and making her moan with desire. She got rid of his waistcoat, then fumbled with the buttons of his shirt but her impatience got the better of her as his mouth wandered to her neck to leave wet marks, so she simply tore the last bit open, sending ripped-off buttons clinking on the floor. She took in the sight of his bare chest for a couple of seconds but John didn't leave her any time to think as he tried to catch up by dragging her blouse out of her waistband and over her head. He moved forwards to gather her up again, his hands raised to pull her face close when his eyes travelled down her body and he came to a halt when they reached her stomach.  
  
A long, broad scar ran from between her breasts down over to her left side and ended just above her hip, and at the sight of it John could finally visualise and fully realise what she had just told him. Charlie felt his hesitation, felt his gaze on her and she took a step forward to cover the space between them.   
  
“Just ignore it, it's not important, not tonight”, she whispered, lifting her hand to let it wander through his short hair and settle on his neck. John swallowed once and his eyes found hers, when he asked raucously, “How did you get it?”   
  
He needed confirmation, needed to know if it might have been a stupid accident but she destroyed that hope.  
  
“Fight”, she mumbled reluctantly, “he wanted to cut off my breast but slipped when my knife was quicker.”  
  
She watched him intently, waiting for a reaction and it took a couple of heartbeats before he bent down and placed his lips on hers in the softest kiss. A little sigh escaped her when he deepened it and let his tongue flick into her mouth, and her hands trailed down to his back, holding on, her fingernails leaving red marks. He broke away once more and his voice was a deep rumble when he breathed, “If this is the only night we got, I'll make fuckin’ sure that you're gonna remember it.”  
  
With that he lifted her up and lowered her onto the bed to set out to keep his promise. He stripped her bare, pinning her down with the weight of his body and made sure to take his sweet time, driving her close to the edge again and again while his tongue flicked over hardened nipples, his mouth followed the scar to her hip bone where he placed gentle bites and his hands ran up her inner thighs. Charlie couldn't remember a single instant in her life in which she had given up control like this, but she let herself fall and felt her vision blacking out at the edges when he lowered his head between her legs to taste her, driving her into blissful oblivion.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning (and weeks) after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A massive thank you to everyone who left kudos and took the time to read! I appreciate every bit of feedback and it makes me really happy to see that people seem to come back to it.   
> This was kind of a tough one, because I tried to find the right balance. As always, let me know what you think!

When Charlie woke up the next morning, she didn't need to open her eyes to know that the bed next to her was empty. She felt how the tip of her nose had grown cold from the chill that had settled over her blanket and now threatened to creep up her body and into her bones. She knew that the mattress only dipped from her movement, there was no other weight to counter her shuffling and impatient turning. She pulled the blanket up over her head and tried to breathe into the resulting darkness. He had kept his promise, respected her wishes. She shut her eyes tighter, but didn't try to fight the silent tears that cut their way down her pale cheeks.   
  
  
She was late and hurried down Watery Lane, her head hanging low and her shoulders hunched. She knew that Curly wouldn't say anything but she wasn't so sure about her namesake and she didn't want to keep them waiting any longer than necessary. When she was about to turn left into Camden Road, small footsteps caught up with her from behind and she turned around to find Finn holding his sides and panting her name.   
  
“Bloody hell, Charlie, you're quick. Polly said to get you, we need you in the shop today. Curly already knows.”  
  
Charlie started back and ruffled his hair when she passed him. “Nobody's told you yet, but that's what it's like with eleven. You're not getting any younger, Finn.”  
He huffed and wanted to scoff a reply but Charlie was already a couple of steps ahead and he hurried to catch up.  
  
  
She had kept her eyes fixed to the ground, thoughts tumbling over one another as she tried to decide how she wanted to face John. So when she opened the door to the Shelby house, she didn't realise he was just about to step out and bumped into him, head first. His right hand shot up instinctively to catch her but as his fingers touched the fabric of her blouse, he drew them back quickly as if he'd just burned himself. It stung and her stomach did a turn but she could just stare wordlessly at the big suitcase in his other hand. He avoided her gaze, eyes firmly set on the door in front of him and debating internally whether he should just leave without a word. He couldn't. She could see his jaws grinding against each other and his toothpick was clenched tightly between his teeth when he spoke, “'m taking the kids for a ride to the countryside. Just a couple of days. Get some fresh air. Just me and the kids- unless you want to-“  
  
He'd shot her a glance from the corner of his eye and caught himself before he could finish the sentence as he saw the pained expression on her face. Determinedly he yanked the door open and set to leave but then hesitated again on the doorstep. Charlie watched his tall, broad frame, a heavy lump in her throat almost making her choke. His voice was softer now and quieter but still firm.   
  
“I don't regret last night.”  
  
And with that he left her and marched off, not waiting for an answer because no matter what she'd say, it wouldn't change a thing.   
Finn had waited outside, not wanting to disturb the both of them and when he stepped inside, Charlie didn't seem to notice him, but kept staring at the spot where the back of John's head had just been. Only when Polly put an arm around her back and her other hand on Charlie's side close to her, she stirred and quickly cast her eyes to the ground. There was no need for anyone to see what was going on inside her, so she cleared her throat and tried to build up her usual wall. Polly was no one to be fooled though, but she didn't push her and just gently stroked her arm as she turned her around and moved them into the betting shop.  
  
“The boys are a mess, but John said you'd take his position and get them in line-“   
  
“He said what?”   
  
Charlie's eyes went wide and she stopped dead, causing Polly to step in front of her. Sure, she knew the basic procedures by now and was pretty quick when it came to her paperwork, but John was the one who handled all the books, knew the horses and races inside out and set the pace for the others to work by. Polly shook her head and mumbled to herself under her breath, “That cheeky bastard.”  
  
But then she took Charlie by the elbow and walked her determinedly up to the black board with John's crabbed scribbling on it. “It's gonna be fine, if you need any help, just shout for me or Arthur. Besides, none of the other boys would want to do it, ‘cause if they'd mess up, Tommy would make them pay for it.”   
  
“Well, that's reassuring.”   
  
Polly noticed the sarcastic tone in Charlie's voice but decided to ignore it and handed her the big leather-bound book to walk her through John's tasks.   
  
  
It was around midday when she felt like she finally got a hang of it and could concentrate on multiple of the guys simultaneously instead of answering and instructing them one by one. Her handwriting started to fill in gaps and mingled with John's both on the board and in the book, and it had a strangely intimate touch to it. Still, it had been his idea in the first place which meant two things. That he knew he had to deal with her so close in his workspace once he was back and more importantly, that he wanted her there, right there and not far away, gone for good and out of his life. That last thought provided a small sense of comfort to Charlie and she clung to it whenever her mind threatened to trail off to last night.   
  
  
“What do you think?”  
  
Tommy had finished his usual round, checking if everything was running smoothly and now stood next to Polly, lighting himself a cigarette. She cradled a fresh cup of tea in her hands and had retreated to a quiet corner of the shop, but kept her eyes on Charlie to make sure she was holding up. Tommy took a deep drag and exhaled slowly before he answered.   
  
“I think our John boy got his heart broken last night. He's fuckin’ head over heels for her.”  
  
“Mmh, she's a good one, you know? Could have been selfish and put a whole shitload of other problems on him, but she didn't. Did the right thing, what he couldn't do... for him.”  
  
Polly nodded slightly to herself, not turning to face him but sipping at her tea. Tommy on the other hand arched an eyebrow at her and tried to read the expression on her face. He had expected a different reaction from the hopeless romantic his aunt was. She felt his eyes on her and finally met them with her firm gaze.   
  
“Make sure to keep that one around, will you?”  
  
  
That night Charlie dreaded to go home, so she simply didn't and engulfed herself in leftover paperwork from weeks back. There would be no way to avoid his smell which still lingered in her sheets, the ripped off buttons scattered across her floor and the single sunflower, propped up like a beacon next to her stove, screaming at her all the things that could have been. The boys and Polly had cleared out at least two hours ago, leaving the shop deserted and peacefully quiet, so that Charlie jumped in her chair when the front door suddenly fell noisily into its lock. She was just about to reach for her knife when Arthur turned the corner and flashed her a crooked smile.   
  
“There you are! Now that's quite enough work for today, woman. Put down that pencil and follow me. We're gonna get you a drink.”  
  
Charlie did as she was told but hesitated when she grabbed her coat. “Who is we?”  
  
Arthur ignored her question and waved her over to his side. “See, a Shelby night out cures all worries. You've been taking his place all day, so we figured you could use this just as much as he probably does at the moment.”  
  
He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and led her into the hallway, where Tommy had been waiting for them. He tipped the peak of his cap and then the brothers set off with Charlie in their middle down the road towards the Garrison.  
  
  
Charlie didn't remember much of that night, but the throbbing headache that greeted her the next morning was memento enough for her to make a mental note to never do shots with Arthur again. Dim pieces of an arm wrestling contest started to come back to her as well, which she was sure she had won against the eldest Shelby and lost against Grace. What was lost on her, however, was that once her tongue had loosened, Grace had started to ask her questions about her connection to Campbell and she might have given more away than she would have under different circumstances.   
The way home then had been another adventure in itself. Since Arthur had tried to lift her up to throw her over his shoulder and carry her like that, but started stumbling after only a couple of steps, Tommy had to stabilise both of them for the entire walk. She groaned and pulled the blanket over her head, now remembering that she had talked endlessly about John once her blood alcohol level had been right. Her only hope was that the other ones had been equally wasted and wouldn't recall anything specific. She wanted to keep this to herself, wanted to keep his words, his touch, the feel of him snuggled up behind her locked up deep inside, where no one would be able to harm them or take them away. The blanket brushed her nose so that she inhaled his scent, and she allowed herself to dwell in it for a few seconds. She missed him, already.   
  
  
John was gone for about a week and when he returned on a late Friday afternoon, he looked tried, exhausted but more at ease. It became clear from the very first moment that he had settled for a tactic when he was confronted with Charlie. He avoided her gaze whenever possible and made sure to keep a polite distance between them. When she ran him through the books and updated him on her notes, he listened intently and stuck strictly to business, all very professional - and it drove her nuts. She would have preferred had he been angry or disappointed or anything other than this reserved when her stomach still did summersaults and her skin starred to prickle at his sheer sight. But she knew she had no right to tell him how to handle this and so she couldn't do anything but stand down. It wasn't comfortable but it was a routine, which allowed them to do their jobs side by side without complicating anything further.   
  
Up until one day, two weeks later when they had just finished another protection job for Billy Kimber and Arthur was inspecting Charlie's face. One of the Lees had caught her by surprise and landed a heavy punch to her left eye, which was now red and swollen. John had witnessed the whole scene and hurried over to drag the guy off of her, planting himself on top of him and striking at his head until Arthur and Scudboat wrenched him away. He was still breathing heavily and bandaging his knuckles now, purposefully dodging her restricted gaze as he felt like he had exposed everything that had piled up within him over the last weeks. Arthur however was the ideal buffer. He sensed that something was going on, but he decided to turn the collective attention back to him.   
  
“'tis gonna be a black eye, but I'm sure you had worse.”  
  
He took a step back and the corners of his mouth twisted into a smile. “You know, I wanted to ask you, whether you're free tonight. I may have mentioned it, but it's my birthday.”  
  
Charlie mirrored his smile and rolled her uninjured eye at him addressing it for what felt like the fifteenth time today, while John's head shot around, his forehead craved in a deep frown. The two of them seemed oddly close ever since he got back and even though he wouldn't admit it, he didn't like it at all.   
  
“Sure, I'm free. What's the plan?”, Charlie nodded.   
  
“Family dinner at our house. Polly's making me favourite roast as a special treat and it's always too much, so we'd be glad if you'd join.”  
  
Charlie shot a careful glance in John's direction but he pretended to be incredibly busy with his bandages, so she just shrugged and said, “Of course, I wouldn't want to miss it. Besides, I also have to give you your present.”  
  
_Got him a fuckin’ present now?_   
  
John felt a growl rising in his chest which drowned Arthur's response for him and then went to snatch a couple of weapons from the ground and walk ahead to their truck. What he didn't know was that Arthur had simply taken Charlie to his heart after she had spent two hours spilling hers over his brother during the night at the pub and he remembered every single thing. He had made it part of his task to keep her from being alone and brooding as often as possible and thought that tonight was a good occasion to maybe ease things between John and her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please excuse any language errors as this isn't beta'ed yet!


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Shelby birthday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, a huge thank you to everyone who left kudos or other feedback! It means a lot to me! And a special thank you to my lovely beta, who read through this so quickly :)

Later that evening, it was Finn who opened the door for Charlie once she had washed off the dust of the day and changed. She had settled on her only dress, mainly because it always made her feel sure of herself and she thought that this would be one of the rare instances where it would fit the occasion. The pale green fabric spilled in soft panels down to her ankles and was as such nothing spectacular. The layers of lace attached around the shoulders and neckline and the belt around her waist, however, accentuated all the right places as special details. When she entered the dining room, she got a threefold reaction from the other Shelby brothers, who stood by the fireplace and turned to greet her. Tommy perked his eyebrows up, Arthur uttered a small whistle and John's jaws clenched painfully as his eyes ran up and down her body. It was Arthur, who moved to pour her a drink and broke the tension, which had settled over the room.  
  
“Now who would have thought - is that my birthday present, woman?”  
  
Before Charlie had the chance to answer, John huffed audibly and turned his back on them, which earned him a little shake of his head from Tommy. Charlie chose to ignore it and handed Arthur the small box in her hands as she accepted the glass of whiskey from him.   
  
“This is it. I basically picked this dress”, she looked down on herself, “because it's the only thing I got that matches my eye.”  
  
She gave him a lopsided smile and pointed to the dark ring that stared to emerge around the still swollen eyelid.   
  
“Well it's definitely a good distraction”, he grinned back and then lifted the box. “May I?”   
  
Charlie nodded quickly and watched him as he tore off the brown paper wrapped around it and removed the lid. He went unusually quiet for a moment and Charlie could see John shuffling back around and arching his neck from the corner of her eye.   
  
“'tis... ‘Tis beautiful... It must have cost a little fortune.”  
  
He didn't look up but carefully turned the handcrafted pipe in his hands, running his fingers across the dark wood.   
  
“Nah, it was a good offer. Besides, your brother pays well.” Charlie smiled in Tommy's direction, but it vanished as soon as she met the expression on John's face. He averted his gaze quickly, his shoulders hunched from the tension that comprised his body and then marched out of the room, pretending to help Polly in the kitchen. Charlie closed her eyes for a second and suppressed a little sigh, but then she turned her attention back to the eldest Shelby and added, “Thought it's something classy that every pub owner could use.”   
  
That was when Arthur lifted his head and a delighted beam spread over his face. “It bloody sure is! A classy Shelby, that's a new one, but I'll make sure that it suits me right.”   
  
He briefly wrapped an arm around her shoulders and drew her into him, a thank you Arthur-Shelby-style making her feel that he deeply appreciated it. Then he put a hand on the small of her back and navigated her towards the table, pointing to the seat next to Tommy on one of the long sides. He himself settled at the head of the table, Polly across from him at the other end and John and Finn opposite of her.   
Since Ada was out of town for a trip to London with Freddie and John had already put his kids to bed, they were complete as they were. Polly now placed the biggest pot Charlie had ever seen on the table and once she lifted its lid and the delicious smell tickled their noses, she could feel her stomach churn and rumble in a rush of ravenous hunger. It was by far the best roast Charlie had ever tasted, causing her to have troubles silencing little moans of pleasure while eating. Meanwhile, Arthur was in high spirits which transferred to everyone except for John. While his brother boisterously shared out stories, jokes and alcohol, he kept his gaze firmly set on his plate, barely even touching his food. The others largely ignored his mood, so Charlie tried to follow their example at least outwardly. In fact, she was all too aware of the way he ran his hand over his face, how his knuckles tightened around the cutlery and how his brow furrowed when Arthur put a hand on her wrist during an especially vivid description of one of his boxing fights. They had just finished eating when suddenly Tommy nudged her from the other side and leaned so close to her that his mouth almost brushed her ear.   
  
“Does he look like he wants to jump at me right now?”  
  
Charlie's gaze shot in John's direction and caught him staring at them in a mixture of disbelief and fury before he cast his eyes down and scratched the back of his neck. She nodded once, feeling anger boiling up within herself now and heard Tommy chuckle into her ear.   
  
“Go, talk to him.”   
  
That made Charlie stand abruptly and while she reached for the empty plates around her, she felt like she addressed him directly for the first time in weeks.   
  
“John, would you help me with these?”   
  
The tone of her voice didn't allow any excuses and his features briefly showed his surprise before he simply nodded and followed her lead. Once the kitchen door closed behind them, Charlie had to contain herself to put the dishes down neatly and not just throw them into the sink as she was more than ready to confront him. When their hands were empty, she turned on the spot, propped them onto her hips and flashed him a sinister eye.  
  
“Right, shoot, what the fuck is your problem?”  
  
The thunder that clouded his face was in no way inferior to hers and his voice came out as a low growl between clenched teeth when he spoke, “I can give that right back to you, can't I? What is fuckin’ going on between you and my brother?”   
  
Charlie was speechless for a moment. She just gaped at him while she tried to process if he'd really just said and meant what she thought. He didn't waver but inched closer, towering over her and that snapped her back with full force. She didn't back down but planted herself in front of him.   
  
“You've got to be joking!”, she hissed but her voice grew louder and firmer as she went on.“First of all, I am not your fuckin’ property just because we spent one night, alright? I wouldn't be your fuckin’ property if we'd spent a hundred nights. So neither you nor any other bloody man has the fuckin’ right to tell me how to dress, how to act or how to behave around other people.”  
  
She was panting with rage now and the air was thick with crackling tension as their faces were separated by mere inches. But she didn't give him a chance to respond when her features softened a little and the bewilderment returned. “You can't be serious, right? Are you honestly throwing a jealous fit because you think after everything I've told you, how you mean the bloody world to me, I would just go off and fuck your brother the next day?”   
  
John released a heavy breath he didn't know he was holding and closed his eyes briefly. “No- fuck- I don't know- all I know is I get back and suddenly he's constantly around you, makes you laugh and my fuckin’ head just won't work straight when it comes to you.”   
  
The tension left their bodies and he seemed to slump down while he again ran a hand over his face.   
  
“John, it's not just Arthur, it's also Tommy and Polly and Finn - well, Finn's always great but- they're just being- hell I don't even know! To be honest, I got no bloody idea why they're being this nice.”   
  
Her hands waved franticly through the air and he reached out to catch them with his own, when Charlie added, “All I know is that I wouldn't have known how to deal if it wasn't for them. It's hard, John, it's fuckin hard, not just for you-.”   
  
He drew her into him and she wrapped her arms around his middle, much like in that night weeks back. A couple of seconds passed and instead of answering right away, he simply pressed his lips to her hair, glad that the invisible wall he had built between them finally crumbled and he could feel her close to him again. Charlie buried her face in his shirt, but before either of them could say anything, the kitchen door was pushed open behind John.   
  
“Tommy said to check whether you're at each other's throats”, Finn croaked out, head bright red as he took in the scene in front of him. By now used to being interrupted by his family when it came to Charlie, John didn't even stir and just shouted over his shoulder towards the dining room, “He can fuckin’ come and see for himself if he wants to know.”  
  
Finn left just as quickly as he had showed up, but they heard him yell on his way, “They're hugging and won't let go!”   
  
The fabric of John's shirt muffled Charlie's chuckle but it was mirrored in his voice when he said, “Still think he's so great?”  
  
She looked up and flashed him a wide grin. “Most definitely. My second favourite Shelby brother.”  
  
“Oh, don't let Arthur hear that!”, he shot right back, the corners of his mouth twisted into a smile.  
  
“Who said, you're my favourite?”, she retorted, a mischievous twinkle in her eyes and he laughed in protest, pulling her so close that she had to gasp for air. Neither of them had felt this at ease in weeks and they came to a similar realisation at the same time when they were still refusing to let go. It was John who spoke first and he studied her features carefully.   
  
“Nobody said it can't be like this, right?”   
  
Charlie nodded slowly, looking up to him and waiting for him to go on.   
  
“I want you in my life Char, one way or the other. It's worse when we try to deal on our own. So instead of having bloody Arthur constantly around you”, she gently pinched his stomach, “I'll be there.”   
  
Charlie swallowed hard and nodded again, unable to put any of the thoughts or emotions that swirled around within her and demanded attention into words.   
  
“I'm not fine”, John added, vulnerability flitting over his face and exposing everything that he had kept hidden away so well. It made Charlie's breath hitch and her stomach sink to see him like this, overwhelmed by the urge to do any possible thing to comfort him. He placed his chin on her head and again she buried her face in his chest.   
“But you'll be there, too, right?”, he rasped quietly.  
  
“Of course- of course, I'll be there. I'm so fuckin’ sorry-“, her voice gave out and she squinted her eyes shut.  
  
“Don't. Just be there.”  
  
They didn't know how long they stood there like this, their breaths starting to align themselves with one another and Charlie listening to how his heartbeat found a steady, calmer rhythm. This time it was Polly, who gently knocked on the door before she entered. Again they didn't stir and she shot them a warm look before she moved to the kitchen counter and explained, “Arthur wanted another piece of his birthday cake. Normally he could very well go and get it himself, but I didn't want him to interrupt you both.”   
She turned and watched how they slowly disentangled themselves from each other.  
  
“Are you coming back to us?”  
  
They nodded in unison and so Polly handed John the tray with the cake and Charlie a couple of small plates, while she put on the kettle for another round of tea. On their way, John decided to balance the tray with one hand and wrapped his arm around Charlie's shoulders. His brothers noticed instantly, but instead of commenting on it, Arthur just folded his hands behind his neck and leaned back, looking as self-satisfied as if this had all been his doing.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A gypsy wedding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a tough one! There was so much I wanted to include and so it has gotten a bit longer again. I tried to really stick to canon for some parts and I hope you think it works out.  
> I'd be so glad to hear your thoughts!

There were certain lines which were not to be crossed, if they wanted to make this work. They went back to telling everyone who asked or shot them a curious look that they were just friends, but really there was a sense of intimacy that couldn't just be shut off from one day to the next and which neither of them actually wanted to lose. So there was John drawing Charlie into a hug whenever he found her brooding or thought she might need it. There was Charlie planting a small kiss on his cheek when he was tense, stressed out, or simply annoyed by Arthur. There were the constant attempts to cheer the other one up whether their situation was at the root of a bad mood or it was something entirely different. And then there were the nights when John couldn't handle it.  
It started the day when the betting shop was done over by the Lees and he blamed himself for simply being too late, having Scudboat taking the brunt. That night he stayed put at the bar of the Garrison until Grace had to close up and gently kicked him out. He didn't think of going home though and maybe even facing his brothers again. So Charlie was woken up by small pebbles knocking against glass and the wood of the windowsill. She ruffled the curtains to one side and saw John down on the road, waving his cap expansively. She hesitated for a couple of heartbeats.  
  
There was no way he was going to end up in his own bed once she'd let him up. But he seemed to be in a pretty rough condition and that's what friends did for each other, right? ... _Right?_  
  
She heaved a heavy sigh and shook her head to herself before she quickly went down and navigated him upstairs. His drunken mumble lulled them both to sleep eventually, again sharing her far too narrow bed, facing each other but both anxious to avoid touching the other one all too often. She intended to move down to the blanket she prepared on the floor once he was asleep, she really did. Every time. But his body spread a warmth which combined with his smell embraced her and was simply too tempting to stay awake long enough.  
Still, she was the first to wake up the next morning, shuffling free from John's arm which rested across her chest while feeling her own tightening. It was this moment, watching the peaceful expression on his face and listening to his soft snore, which she had dreaded weeks back and tried to run from. If she would just shift a little and bend down, she could run her fingertips through his short hair, place a kiss behind his ear or follow the freckles which sprinkled his shoulders. He was so close. And she couldn't. She forced her gaze away from him, grabbing some clothes from the closest chair and trying to breathe. She just needed to breathe. In and out.

Pulling the chair next to the bed and placing a glass of water for him there before she left, because that was what friends would do. Covering for him in the shop and distracting his brothers until he'd be there to take over, because that was what friends would do. Not questioning him once when he showed up drunk on her doorstep late at night, because that was what friends would do. Listening to him talk about how much he needed her, how his kids drove him to the edge of desperation and how he just missed Martha sometimes, feeling utterly helpless and overwhelmed, because they would never be just friends. Being there, simply being there for him, because that was what she had promised him.  
  
  
Before the three eldest Shelby brothers pushed open the door to the Garrison the other night, they were already greeted by ardent singing, loud clapping and fits of laughter. They shot each other a curious look and when they entered neither of them could fight a broad grin which spread across their faces as they took in the scene in front of them. Grace stood on a chair close to the bar, belting out a joyful tune while several patrons had joined in, complementing her voice in deeper pitches and enthusiastically clapping to the rhythm. The tables in the middle of the room had been pushed to one side, giving way to a makeshift dance floor on which Charlie, Finn, Curly, Scudboat and two other peaky men twirled each other around, linking arms and flying from one side to the other while they laughed so hard that it made them dizzy. Gaining the Shelbys’ first legal betting license had to be celebrated properly of course and Tommy increased the jubilant mood when he announced that the next round would be on him.  
Charlie spun Finn around one last time and then quickly retreated to the bar to catch her breath and accept the glass of whiskey Harry had been pouring for her. She lifted it with a nod in his direction while John stepped next to her. She knew that something was up when she saw the amused smirk playing around the corners of his mouth. She took a sip and lifted her eyebrows expectantly at him.  
  
“Think that's the first time I ever saw you dance-“, he grinned and left the sentence hanging in the air as if to leave her in the dark of whether he was impressed or not. By the look on his face though, she knew that it must had been quite a picture.  
  
“That’s the first time I danced in ages. But Finn taught me the good moves”, she said maybe a bit too confidently when he started to chuckle lowly.  
  
“Yeah, and which were these?”, he teased and she just stuck her tongue out at him. He nudged her with his shoulder, but then his smile faded and his face took on a more serious expression.  
  
“You not mad then?”, he asked quietly. Her head shot around, confusion written all over her features. “Mad? No- why- did you do something?”  
  
He quickly shook his head. “No- I mean- it was pretty late yesterday and I know I woke you up, ‘cause you were grumpy.”  
  
She sighed and it was her turn to shake her head. “No it's fine. I- I wasn't grumpy because of you. I had a nightmare before you showed up. So I was actually kinda glad that you woke me.”  
  
She tried for a lopsided smile and he relaxed visibly, but didn't let it go just yet. “What about?”  
  
“Doesn't matter, really. I'm fine. You were there, so I'm fine.”  
  
Warmth spread over his face and from there right up to her stomach and into her chest. He briefly wrapped his arm around her shoulders and drew her close to him to place a small kiss on her temple. In that moment, she really was fine.  
  
Behind John's back, Arthur cleared his throat and both of them turned to find him contemplating them thoughtfully, playing with a glass of whiskey of his own in his right hand. Tommy stood next to him and turned his attention away from Grace for a moment. It was him who said, “Don't get too excited tonight. I need you both sober in the morning. Tomorrow is the day we end the war with the Lees once and for all.”  
  
The same expression of surprise was mirrored on both of their faces. Charlie nodded slowly and since Tommy had already turned his gaze back to Grace they knew they wouldn't get any more information until tomorrow. Loud cheering filled the room and Grace bent down to take a sip of water before she struck up the next song. In that moment, Finn appeared in front of Charlie and John, cheeks bright red and a cheerful twinkle in his eyes.  
  
“Charlie come on, 'tis my favourite one!”  
  
He held out his hand for her and Charlie took it with an amused chuckle. Before he could drag her back to the other dancing Blinders, she turned to John and grinned, “Care to teach us some of _your_ good moves?”  
  
John laughed in response and took her other hand. He couldn't let this offer slip, so he followed them to the middle of the room. Soon Charlie and Finn were bent over gasping for air in between fits of laughter as John gave it his best but didn't look the slightest bit better than they had. He couldn't care less though and instead twirled and tossed Charlie around until Grace felt her throat going hoarse and the night took a quieter turn.  
  
  
Quietness sometimes feels like numbness, and she could feel both the next morning as they settled over her, pulsating in her ears, paralysing her body and drowning most of what was said right in front of her.  
  
“You've got no bloody right, Tommy.”  
  
John fought against the hands that were trying to keep him in place, fought to push and slap them away as if he was a captured wild animal. But Tommy grabbed his face and pulled it close to his own.  
  
“John listen to me, shh, listen to me. A girl who needs a husband, a man who needs a wife.”  
  
His words pierced through the mist that cloaked Charlie's senses and hit her like a knife to the stomach. This was it. This was the reason Arthur had been so unusually quiet yesterday, staring at them as if he had something on his mind but no way to put it in words. This was the reason why he had told her to go change into something that didn't have any blood stains on it when he picked her up this morning. Unimportant details flooded her mind as she felt her whole body revolt against what was happening. She took one step back and felt another voice rising within her, furiously demanding attention and answers. What was she doing here? Why, _bloody why_ had they made her come?  
She knew that this day was bound to come eventually, but just now? She certainly hadn't planned on having to witness the marriage, having to witness how the man she lov-.  
No, she couldn't finish this thought.  
  
Instead she took another step back, her throat closing up and the palms of her hands wet with cold sweat. They couldn't make her stay and watch. Another step, determination lending her new strength - and she bumped into Finn. Without hesitating, he reached up and laced his smaller fingers with hers, a surprisingly firm grip keeping her in place. She was about to protest, about to urge him to let go of her, when Tommy's final words cut through to her again.  
  
“Now it's up to you John, war- or peace.”  
  
She held her breath as the barely visible signals told her that he had made his decision. A shaky breath, part of the tension leaving his shoulders and he turned to push the last hands off of him.  
  
“Let go of me.”  
  
That was when his eyes locked with hers and she felt like she was about to choke.  
  
“Did you know about this?”, he croaked out, gaze wild and starting towards her, “Charlie, did you fuckin’ know about this?”  
  
His anger seemed to flare up again only to be stopped by Arthur, who stepped in his way. “She didn't, alright? Or else do you think she would have come?”  
  
Arthur’s words were confirmed by the look of utter helplessness Charlie knew flitted over her face at his suspicion, and she saw the last of John’s resistance draining out of him. He slumped down and his features took on a pleading expression, urging her to stay, to keep her promise. Charlie exhaled slowly, releasing the breath she had been holding and nodded once.  
  
  
The day passed by in a whirl of faces, colours and booze. In retrospect, it was hard for Charlie to remember specific details but some moments stuck out and burned themselves into her memory. Like the one when Arthur pulled her to one side, face twisted by a guilty look and tried to explain that they had needed her to come, claiming that otherwise John wouldn't have gone through with it. Or the one when Ada wrapped her arm around her back during the ceremony, pulling her close and whispering that she would kick Tommy's arse so hard and that they should just run the hell off, leaving all men behind. Or that one moment when John broke his first kiss with Esme and turned to the cheers of their families, relief and a genuine happiness written all over his face.  
  
_He looked so bloody happy._  
  
And through all of this, Charlie kept her wall up and her face calm, trying anything but to feel. The alcohol helped. It spread a soothing numbness from head to toes and she welcomed it, sinking deeper and deeper, twirling faster and faster next to Ada as the music seemed to pick up an ever quicker beat. Suddenly a hand shot out and grabbed her by the wrist, yanking her out of her dizzying dance and pulling her behind the closest wagon. It took her a couple of heartbeats to brush off the laziness that clouded her brain to realise that it was John who propped her against the wooden wall behind her and folded his arms across his chest.  
  
“Alright, talk to me”, he demanded and shot her a scrutinising look. Charlie simply shrugged and flashed him a crooked smile. He wasn't going to crack her.  
  
“What do you want to hear, John?”, she slurred, proud of herself for sounding reasonably nonchalant. “I'm fine, I'm bloody brilliant even. They serve really good beer here.”  
  
Her empty cup still in her hand, she waved hazily in the direction of the music. A deep frown creased his forehead and he inched closer to catch her eye.  
  
“So you've got nothing to say to me, ay?”  
  
She pretended to think about this carefully for a second before she extended her hand, intending to shake his. “Right, how rude of me, I didn't even congratulate you. She's gorgeous, just fuckin’ gorgeous, mate.”  
  
He was well aware that she had chosen the same words as back in that night and it felt like an accusation. He pushed her hand away and by the way his jaws ground together Charlie knew that he was losing his patience.  
  
“Don't give me that crap, Char and stop fuckin’ pretending that you're fine. I wouldn't be-“  
  
“What do you actually care, huh?”, she scoffed back, unable to contain herself any longer. “You don't owe me anything and it's none of your bloody business how I feel right now.”  
  
He flinched as if she'd just slapped him and shook his head disbelievingly. “It's very well my fuckin’ business, ‘cause you're probably my closest friend”, he growled, pinning her down with his stare. “And you're just pushing me away, ‘cause I'm hitting a nerve.”  
  
She pressed her lips together but held his glare until he ran a hand over his face. “Look, if you want to be fuckin’ mad, you've got every right to be but then have a go at my brothers. I just wanted to make sure you're still talking to me. I need you, Char.”  
  
At that she couldn't suppress a scornful laugh and it hit him where it hurt most. “What do you still need me for? To pass out in my bed after a drunken night? You've got a bloody wife for that now.”  
  
“Alright, now you bloody listen to me”, he spit between clenched teeth and took her face in both of his hands to hold it with a firm grip. “You can be fuckin’ mad for how this all went down, but you've got no right to blame me for doing exactly what you told me. _You_ turned _me_ down, alright? You told me to marry another woman. And it's not my bloody fault that it's happened just now.”  
  
He was panting but he didn't let go of her when he saw the anger, hurt and rising vulnerability in her eyes.  
  
“I'm not over you, if that's what you wanted to hear”, he breathed, letting go of her briefly before cradling her face again. She faltered and closed her eyes to hold back the tears. “But it doesn't matter, Char, if I marry now or later cause in any case I want you to be part of my life. You're just too fuckin’ important to me.”  
  
He waited for a reaction but she kept her eyes closed, biting her lower lip so hard that she thought it might start to bleed.  
  
“This could be good”, he mumbled almost to himself. “You're right, she's fuckin’ gorgeous. She could be just what the kids and I need. So yeah, I want to make this work.”  
  
It hurt to hear it out of his mouth, to have the confirmation that she was everything that Charlie wasn't. But deep down, she knew that he was right, knew that Esme meant a real chance for them and so there was nothing that she could have objected to. He lowered his hands, let go of her now but she could still feel him watching her, waiting for an answer. It was Ada's voice that got Charlie out of it and both of their heads shot in her direction as she shouted Charlie's name. She was bent over, holding her sides and panting when they came running, Polly and Tommy by her sides to stabilise her.  
  
“Her water broke”, Polly declared, already ushering Ada towards the car. Charlie went white as chalk, clearly overwhelmed by the prospect of an impending birth and didn't move.  
  
“Come on, then!” Esme took her by the hand and pulled her along to follow the other ones.  
  
  
Charlie hurried to the front door of the Shelby house to answer Freddie's heavy pounding. She pointed towards the living room and then stepped aside to let him brush past her. Exhausted to the bone but more than anything glad that Ada had given birth to a healthy boy, she followed him slowly, intending to stay back and grant the two of them some privacy as Freddie laid eyes on his baby for the first time. She mirrored Esme in resting against the other side of the living room door frame and contemplated her out of the corner of her eye. Charlie knew that she hadn't been much of a help, not knowing what to do other than holding Ada and letting her crush her fingers in her clenched fist. All the more relieved she had been that Polly and Esme had taken the lead and gotten Ada through this. A small, peaceful smile played around the corners of Esme's mouth and it struck Charlie in that moment that the other woman had been a beacon of strength and confidence during the arduous birth. She would know how to handle the kids and most of all John. She would kick his arse if she had to.  
  
Charlie jumped when the front door was once again met by heavy fists. “Police!”  
  
They didn't wait for someone to open up but simply broke through and stormed towards them. She felt panic rising in her chest, heard Ada's desperate outcry behind her, saw them manhandling Esme roughly to the side and did the only thing that came to her mind in that second. She tried to block their way, hands raised and palms open while she screamed at them to stop.  
  
“There's a newborn, there's a bloody baby! Don't you dare touch his father!”  
  
The baton hit her on the shoulder with full force and drove her to her knees. She groaned in pain but her head shot around towards the living room. She could see Polly shuffling herself protectively in front of Ada and the baby, saw them grabbing Freddie and throwing him against the wooden door to put him in cuffs. That was when she suddenly felt hard fingers tightening around her own wrist and pulling her up. More coppers had made their way into the house and while the first now dragged Freddie with them mercilessly, these two wrenched her back up to her feet. She tried to fight back, struggled against their firm grip and did her best to kick them when the cool metal clicked into place. A thick body pressed her to the wall while its mocking voice sneered into her ear, “Charlotte Anderson, you're under arrest.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlie and Campbell clash.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so thankful for everyone who took the time to comment, leave kudos and read on. Sending hugs to all of you!  
> It took me a little longer to update cause I've been so caught up in the next chapter before I started editing this one.   
> Soundtrack for this chapter: "Burn" by The Pretty Reckless.

“What the bloody hell do you mean, they've taken Charlie? What the fuck for?”  
  
 John had grabbed his aunt by the shoulders when she wanted to turn and leave the Garrison. A wet haze still covered her eyes and once again she redirected her despising gaze at Tommy, when she answered him.   
  
“Go and ask your bloody brother. He's in over his fuckin’ head. Can't even protect his own anymore.”   
  
She wrenched herself free from his desperate grip and stormed off, back to Ada, back to the baby who wasn't even three hours old yet and had already been robbed of his father. John on the other hand turned around and followed her instructions. He flew towards his brother, fully intending to grab him by the collar and press him up to the bar, when Arthur stepped in his way and had to use his entire body weight to hold him back.   
  
“What have you done, Tommy?” John spit in his direction, rage wild in his eyes and contorting his face. “Is this all some part of your sick plan? You made a deal, a fuckin’ deal with that copper and now you just throw her to him? You fuckin’ said she is one of us!”  
  
His voice had risen to shouting and it was what snapped Tommy out of the shock that had numbed his mind.   
  
“She fuckin’ is, alright?!” He took a step forward, now mere inches away from his brother's infuriated face, trying to stare him down. “I don't fuckin’ know what's going on! Freddie should have been safe and I never even fuckin’ talked about her to Campbell.”   
  
None of them noticed the horrified expression that had settled on Grace's face. None of them knew that she had to bear the blame for that. But he had laughed it off. She had given Campbell a simple warning that Charlie might pose a threat, reported like it was her duty and he had laughed it off as if he wouldn't even waste a second thought on her. What had made him change his mind just now? John's breathing turned into ragged panting and his fists clenched in Tommy's waistcoat.   
  
“You know what they'll bloody do to her,” he said. Grace's face paled as he continued: “The last guy they took in fell down some fuckin’ stairs and nobody ever got to see his body.”   
  
Tommy could see tears of fury swelling in John's eyes at the thought of all the possible tortures that Campbell could devise to break her. Tommy reached out to put his hand on his brother's neck, pulling him closer.   
  
“She's gonna be alright, I promise you, yeah? There's nothing to trace back to her and she doesn't know anything. They can only hold her for so long and she's a fuckin’ fighter.”  
  
John released his breath and with it some tears rolled down his cheeks shamelessly. “Fuckin hell, Tommy”, he rasped, his voice nearly breaking. “Promise you'll try to get her out. We need her back alive. I'm gonna end this guy, I'm gonna put that fuckin’ bullet in his head myself, if he- if he-“   
  
His voice gave out and Tommy pulled him close by the neck to wrap his other arm around his back.  
  


A dull pain throbbed in Charlie's temples and she could taste the metallic flavour of blood on her tongue. She tried to gather enough salvia in her mouth to spit it out but they hadn't granted her any food or water since yesterday morning. Her head started to swim as she turned over, feeling the cold stones poke into her aching back under the simple rug that had been thrown to the floor. There was no bed, no mattress, no sheets. Just a dirty rug and a pissing pot in the opposite corner. She tried to prop herself up, a sharp hiss escaping her throat as the metal of the cuffs, which they still hadn't removed, cut into the sore skin of her wrists. She had tried to wring and pull her hands out, but failed miserably, only causing the grazes to deepen and burn. They were keeping her waiting, stewing in her own juices as she had heard two of the guards laugh. It had been three days since they had taken her and Freddie in and judging by the screams she could hear from down the hallway she knew that they were busy with him. She also knew that her wrists or the occasional blow to her head would be the least of her problems once they decided to turn to her.   
  
As if on cue the keyhole started to rattle and Charlie sat up, straightening herself as best as she could and pinning her gaze fiercely on the wall opposite of her. Two coppers walked in. One of them settled in the far corner by the door and watched her every move while the other one bent down to remove the cuffs. _Finally._   
She didn't stir though, didn't rub the skin to ease the pain, didn't take notice of the men staring down on her. Heavy boots scratched over the slick stones as they entered her cell. She knew to whom they belonged without risking a glance. When he spoke, her insides churned and she felt like she was about to throw up.   
  
“There, there. Isn't this an interesting reunion?”   
  
He threw something to the ground and it landed only a couple of inches away from her knees. Instinctively, Charlie's eyes darted to the object, realising that it was her cap, which had been stuffed in the back pocket of her trousers when she was arrested. The dim light cast in from the hallway was refracted by the metal of the razorblades sewn into the peak. Campbell came to a halt right in front of her and the ice-cold air lacing his voice sent shivers down her back.   
  
“Now, I'm aware that you've got a history of neglecting the law, Miss Anderson, but this is a new low-point even for you.”  
  
She kept her gaze straight, revealing no sign of response. His voice grew deeper, more agitated by her apparent ignorance.   
  
“I had thought that letting you and your sticky fingers go would conjure some sense of gratefulness in your twisted heart, but I must have been mistaken. Working for the devil of these godless streets, you couldn't have sunk any further. You are no better than this filthy scum that you call a boss.”  
  
Still no reaction, but Charlie sensed that he had more in store as he now squatted down and forced himself into her field of vision.   
  
“Speaking of which, how is your sister?”   
  
Charlie's breath hitched and she couldn't help but meet his eyes with a murderous glare.   
  
“Dead.” she growled in between clenched teeth and could see a brief hint of surprise flitting over his features. So he hadn't known. It didn't change a thing. On the contrary, her stomach started to boil with newly sparked rage and it required all her willpower not to simply wrap her hands around his neck and pop his Adam's apple with her thumbs. She tried to breathe, tried to calm her twitching fingers. Threatening or attacking him now would only give them reason enough to lock her away for the rest of her days. But she could exploit his weakness for as long as it lasted.   
  
“So, do your men know that you fuck little girls and then throw them away to let them rot? Wonder who they think is the real scum?”   
  
She directed her attention to the man in the far corner, seeing him swallow and tense up visibly. Before she could turn her gaze back, Campbell lunged out and backhanded her forcefully, only to quickly grab her by the jaw and wrench her face towards him in a painful angle.   
  
“You should watch that dirty mouth of yours.”  
  
He got so close that Charlie could feel his breath on her burning cheek.   
  
“You know, your boss, he tried to cut a deal for you, tried some blackmail to get you out but he had already played all his bargaining chips. Got himself in some trouble now, so there is no one coming for you. And you should do exactly as I tell you, considering you're at my mercy.”  
  
He let go of her face, straightened his back, and started to roll up the sleeves of his shirt. “Now, I want answers. Why are you working for Shelby?”   
  
Charlie watched as he turned around and went over to the man in the corner, holding out his hand without a word and waiting for him to hand him his baton. The man hesitated but one sharp look from Campbell was enough for him to succumb. Charlie's insides twisted in anticipation of the next blow but she tried to look unimpressed.   
  
“Money, he pays well for handling the bets”, she answered simply. The baton hit her on the upper arm, driving her back into the wall. She gasped in pain, tears shooting to her eyes.   
  
“Fuckin’ hell”, she hissed, wrapping her other arm around her upper body. “It's the bloody truth, I fuckin’ need the money!”, she bawled at him.   
  
Another blow, this time to her shoulder and she sunk down, trying to suppress a whimper. His voice was dangerously calm as he again bent down to cover the distance between them.   
  
“And why should Shelby just admit some random chit from the streets? What else do you do for them, huh? Who do you do it for?” He placed the baton under her chin, forcing her face in his direction. “It can't be Thomas, his mind's elsewhere. Is it the oldest?”   
  
A heavy lump formed in Charlie's throat when she realised what he was suggesting but she tried to hide her disgust, which rose within her like an all-consuming fire.   
  
“That one meekly crawled back home when I was finished with him. Or is it the younger one?” Charlie's face flinched and she cursed herself when she was recognition on Campbell's features. “Ah, so that's the one you spread your legs for. I haven't had the pleasure yet, but maybe he'll be the next one that I'm going to pay a visit.”   
  
“If you fuckin’ dare to lay a finger on him-“, Charlie growled lowly, shooting daggers at him with her eyes and trying to squirm under his firm grip, which earned her nothing but a chuckle from his side.   
  
“What'll happen then, huh? Now you see, I already know that you're in town looking for me. Here I am and there is nothing that you can do. You're just a little shit that Tommy Shelby has taken pity on, letting you turn a few coins ‘cause that's what a fuck is worth to his brother. _I_ run this town and you're nothing but a whore to these devils.”   
  
Charlie swallowed hard and held his gaze, desperate not to let him see that his words affected her, strengthened that part of her which constantly whispered that she wasn't worth it, wasn't worth anything. Despite his pervasive scorn, they proved something else. That he had no bloody clue about what she really did for Tommy. That he didn't think her capable of wielding a weapon. That in his eyes, she could never pose an actual threat to him or any other person. Her mind worked at a hundred miles an hour, weighing her odds until she made her decision. She had to give in to what he wanted and then strike when he least expected it. In that moment, Charlie decided to play along, pretending to be exactly the weak, inferior, corrupted wench he thought her to be. There was no other way out of here.  
  
Part of the tension left her body as she slumped down against the wall, her heart contracting as a satisfied sneer spread across his face. “Right, now that we agree on this, let's turn to my next question. Where are the guns?”   
  
Charlie's head shot back up, confusion wide in her eyes.   
  
“Oh, now don't give me that look”, he rebuked her, “I know that the Shelbys talk once you get close to them. And it doesn't get much closer than you’ve come. You know what I want, so this is your last chance to give it to me.” She didn't even get the opportunity to object before he turned to the man in the corner, pointing towards her and demanded, “Strip her.”  
  
The man didn't move but looked just as shocked as Charlie felt. It took Campbell two long strides to build himself up right in front of him. “I said, strip her, Sergeant Moss, right now!”   
  
“Sir, this is not the way we handle things around here-“, he dared to oppose, but it only riled Campbell up further.   
  
“Didn't you hear what I said? I run this town now! And if you don't agree with my methods then you should start looking for a new job! Maybe Shelby has an open spot once I'm finished with her.”   
  
He spun back around on his heels and darted at Charlie, swiping her cap up on his way. “Now let's see, if these will make you talk.” He grabbed her by the collar and brought the razorblades close to her cheek. “One more time, where are the guns?”   
  
“I- I swear, they've never told me anything about them- I've got no bloody idea-“, she sputtered, her voice nothing more than a panicky whisper.  
  
The blade cut deep into her flesh and she tried to wrench away, tried to fade into the wall behind her but he kept her firmly in place. The pain made her head dizzy and she could feel the warm blood running down, dripping over her jawline and mingling with stinging tears.   
  
“Wrong answer”, he jeered and let his hands wander to her blouse. He clutched the soft material and tore it open with both hands to set the next cut right above her left breast. Charlie's head started to spiral, dizziness and numbness ever so often broken up by a sharp hiss of pain as he travelled down further and further, yanking her trousers off and leaving his burning mark in her flesh wherever he pleased. There was only one blurry thought that Charlie clung to through all of this.   
  
_Don't fight back._


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taking Charlie home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the late update but I hope this chapter was worth the wait. In celebration of today: Happy season 4 everyone!!  
> And of course many thanks and hugs to everyone who left kudos! :D

Charlie didn't know how long she'd been lying on that dirty rug which was now richer by a few stains of crusted blood. It had trickled down from her legs, her upper thighs, her arms and her belly in small runlets, tainting her pale skin and exposing her at her most vulnerable. They had taken everything away that didn't cling to her, so there was no way of covering the cuts up. She tried to keep track of time, counting minutes which turned into hours and faded away into days. The only point of reference she got was a metal tray with a bowl of old porridge and a glass of water that was pushed into her cell sometime during the day. It was barely enough to keep her from blacking out. Her mind drifted off, ever so often seeming to leave her body behind, hovering inches above and contemplating her own pitiful frame. She knew she was fantasising from the lack of food and fluids, knew they starved her to weaken and cripple her further. Still, she couldn't shed the mist that clouded her head, didn't even want to as it numbed her senses, shut her down and made the pain and churning hunger just almost bearable. Her body flinched instinctively whenever a baton rattled past her metal door but her mind lulled her into dark and hazy oblivion.  
She was miles away somewhere between sleeping and waking, when strong hands grabbed her by the upper arms, shaking her to get her attention and bringing her back to rock bottom.  
  
“Charlotte- Charlotte, listen to me, we don't have much time.”  
  
She blinked and turned in the direction of the unfamiliar voice. A face slowly started to take shape and she recognised the cop that had been standing in the far corner by the door, watching all that time as Campbell took his way with her, raiding and crushing her. As realisation hit her, she winced and flinched back, trying to shake his hands off but even this small effort made her head dizzy.  
  
“No, no please- I'm not here to hurt you!”  
  
He held his hands up and didn't try to inch closer but his gaze was so intend that it kept her in place instead. “We don't have much time Charlotte! I'm gonna get you out of here. Can you stand?”  
  
Charlie didn't understand. Confusion stood wide in her eyes and she thought she might be fantasising again. “What- why would you-?“  
  
He shook his head briefly and his features softened a little when he said, “We are on opposite sides of the law, that's true. But I don't have any evidence that would justify any of the things he did to you. This was personal vengeance, something between him and you. But he's already made me do things that I can't put right- can't restore a life-“  
  
He lowered his gaze and seemed to trail off for the moment. When he turned his eyes back to her, she could see the determination in them. “You're not gonna be the next one that dies here on my watch. So come on-“  
  
Bending down, he wrapped an arm around her back and helped her to her feet. Her knees buckled and threatened to give out but he held her tight and ushered her to the door. Charlie swallowed hard, trying to wet her dry throat to croak out the next question.  
  
“Where is he?”  
  
Moss hesitated for a second, looking down on her. “We've found the guns. Dug them out yesterday night and now he's after Thomas. He'll notice when I'm missing, that's why we need to hurry.”  
  
He rapped two times against the heavy metal door and a guard opened it for them. Charlie creased her forehead and tried to catch his eye as he almost carried her down the dim hallway.  
  
“So you're neglecting his orders. He'll come for me again.”  
  
Moss shook his head and chuckled lowly. “He said, she'll not walk free until the guns are back in my possession. Well, they are now. I just didn't wait for his official consent to let you go. He's got no use for you anymore. All he wants is Thomas now.”  
  
Charlie felt her chest tightening at the thought of every single copper out on the streets to hunt him down. Moss reinforced his grip as they reached a set of stairs.  
"Come on then- I got word out to his brothers. They'll come and pick you up.”  
  
  
John's hands were shoved deep into his pockets and he fiercely chewed the toothpick which was clenched in the corner of his mouth. His eyes didn't leave the metal gate while he could feel Finn next to him nervously treading from one foot to the other one. They couldn't count on Tommy with every copper of the neighbourhood out looking for him and they had no idea where Arthur was when Moss' message reached them. Didn't matter. John didn't want to have it any other way. He would have been the one to pick her up in any case regardless what his brothers were up to.  
And Finn? The youngest Shelby simply wouldn't be convinced by anybody to stay home and lay low. He wanted to be there and make sure she was alright, he said, just like she did for him in every fight they had stood side by side together.  
  
As the gate now opened with a bone-rattling creaky sound, John could feel his whole body tensing up. Instinctively he moved a couple of steps forward only to stop dead in his tracks, when he laid eyes on her. His stomach sunk and he felt his heart pumping in his throat. She was a mere shadow of herself, clutching what looked like her own trousers, boots and cap close to her chest as she stumbled bare-footed in their direction. Again John felt tears welling in the brink of his eyes, a hot surge of rage striking through him when he realised that the dark marks that stained her open, ripped up blouse and underwear, running all the way down her legs, must be her own blood. Finn tugged at his sleeve and mumbled to him without taking his eyes off Charlie.  
  
“John- your coat-“  
  
That snapped John out of his state of shock and he took it off, moving towards her just in time to catch her as her knees gave out and she was about to collapse to the floor. He wrapped her in his coat and lifted her up to carry her home, now painfully aware of how light and fragile she had become as he couldn't help but compare it to the one night they had spent. Her head rolled to one side and rested against his shoulder. Memories of how he had carried her to the bed flooded his mind, almost making him choke as he couldn't turn his gaze away from her bruised and beat up frame. This was everything she had warned him about and he still didn't know how to handle it. Finn took Charlie's few belongings and pulled his big brother by the arm to make him move. So John let out one shaky breath, pressed his lips briefly to her forehead and whispered, “'tis alright. I'm here now. I'm gonna get you home.”  
  
  
“Aunt Pol!”  
  
John burst in through the living room door, still holding Charlie close to his chest, wild and desperate expression lacing his features. “Can you run a bath? Please- we need-“  
  
He was out of breath but Polly was already one step ahead of him. “It's all prepared, get her upstairs. I'll be there in a second.”  
  
She pushed him back towards the hallway and then quickly snatched some extra towels and a glass of water. Up in the bathroom, John didn't know what to do with himself or Charlie, reluctant to set her down as he didn't know whether she'd be able to stand on her own. Fortunately, Polly was right behind him, took over in supporting her and then shooed him out of the room.  
  
“Go to her flat and fetch her some clean clothes will you? I got it from here.”  
  
John simply nodded without another word, once again glad for the strong hand of his aunt and left the two women by themselves.  
  
“It's alright, love. You're safe. Here, take that.” She pushed the glass of water in Charlie's hand and watched her as she finished it in one eager gulp.  
  
“Now, let's get this off of you.” Polly stripped her carefully but firmly of the rest of her clothes and then helped her over the edge into the bathtub. She was aware that Charlie avoided her gaze during all of this, not sure whether she was ashamed or still caught up in her own head, but she wouldn't try to push her. She sat hunched over, arms wrapped around her knees and eyes fixed on the water, which slowly turned murky from the dirt and blood mingling with it. Polly wet a cloth and gently stroked over her shoulders, hair and back, hoping Charlie would relax. Little by little she saw the tension fading from her body. Once she had cleaned most of what she could reach, she declared that she would fix Ada's room and some food for her, deciding that Charlie wouldn't spend the night on her own. Then she left her to soak a little longer in the warm water.  
  
  
A quiet knock on the door pulled Charlie out of her thoughts. She didn't look up and had to clear her throat a couple of times before she could rasp, “It's open.”  
  
“Charlie? John told me, to bring you these clothes?”  
  
She had Polly expected to be back and hoped that she'd help her out of the tub, but instead mild surprise shot through her as Esme hovered by her side, uncertain of what to do next. Charlie lifted her head in her direction but her eyes didn't quite catch hers.  
  
“Thank you.”  
  
A few seconds passed in silence before Esme took a step closer and picked up the same cloth Polly had used before. “Lean back, you still got blood on your face.”  
  
Charlie obeyed and closed her eyes as Esme ran the soft fabric over her forehead and brows. She worked in soothing motions, careful not to touch any cuts and finally offered her a hand once she was finished. Charlie was beyond the point of caring whether the other woman saw her naked and exposed like this and similarly Esme didn't let anything show. On the contrary, she wrapped Charlie in one of the towels and helped her to dry off. Once her body was finished, Esme stepped behind her to do her hair. Charlie could have been embarrassed for being treated like a child but if she'd had to admit it, she was secretly glad and just so damn tired. Esme cleared her throat and took in a deep breath.  
  
“I know this isn't the right time but I don't know when we'll get the chance to talk again and I need to get this off my chest.”  
  
Charlie stiffened in anticipation of what she knew would follow.  
  
“I know about you and John”, Esme continued. “He's told me. I saw the look on his face when he carried you inside.”  
  
Charlie drew in a shaky breath herself but Esme didn't let her get the word. “I know it would be stupid to assume that a Shelby has never had any other women around him before. But I expect them to respect that I'm his wife now.”  
  
“You're right, you know.” Charlie's voice was strained and quiet but firm. She didn't turn around when she went on. “I had a chance. But I'm too fucked up and I only have so much self-respect left and that would destroy the last of it.”  
  
Esme hands stilled for the moment as she listened intently.  
  
“We don't know each other, but you being here means I owe you. So I ask you to trust me, that I wouldn't do that to you. Leave him out of it for a second. I wouldn't do that to _you_.”  
  
She felt how Esme relaxed noticeably behind her as she resumed her work of kneading her hair gently. “Polly said you're family”, she answered simply, “so being here goes without saying.”  
  
She was about to add something else when Charlie turned around and withdrew from her grip. For the first time that night their eyes really met. Charlie felt hers sting while her chest was so tight that she could barely utter another word.  
  
“What did Polly say?” Her voice broke and her mouth stood agape.  
  
“That- that you're family.”  
  
She realised that her reaction had to confuse the hell out of Esme but she couldn't help it as silent tears now cut their way down her cheeks. Without another word the other woman wrapped a dry towel around her and drew her to her side. She placed a small kiss on her temple, soothed her hair and held her like this until Charlie felt the warmth that spread from her stomach into her chest reaching even the remotest corner of her being.  
  
  
It was almost midnight when a light knock on the door of Ada's room startled Charlie from her slumber. She blinked and saw John sticking his head in, waiting for her permission to enter. She sat up and shifted to one side, making room for him to settle next to her. He closed the door with a kick of his foot behind him and then held out both of his hands for her. One offered a glass of whiskey, the other one a fresh cup of tea.  
  
“Didn't know what you feel like”, he mumbled.  
  
Charlie reached for the whiskey, leaving John with the tea and he couldn't hide a small smile upon that. He made himself comfortable next to her, leaning up against the wall behind Ada's bed and both took a couple of sips in silence. John's gaze wandered down her bare legs and he felt a lump building in his throat as he contemplated the various scabbed cuts. Some ran up along her inner thighs.  
  
“Char, he- he didn't- rape you, did he?”  
  
His voice was barely above a whisper. Charlie didn't stir, staring straight ahead and it took her a couple of heartbeats before she answered monotonously.  
“Nah, he just grabbed wherever he wanted.”  
  
John clenched up and opened and closed his fists without anything to grab. He was lost for words. Charlie sighed and released a heavy breath. She could feel her defences crumpling, was simply too exhausted to put on a strong display. So she slumped down and rested against his side.  
  
“Do you know that he has a thing for young girls?”, she asked very quietly.  
  
John inhaled sharply and shook his head in response, uncertain whether she would go on. Charlie did.  
  
“Emily wasn't much older than we were back then. Barely sixteen, when he came to the factory we worked in during the war. There were rumours that our employer was investigated for money-laundering, but we never got to know if there was any truth to it. He laid eyes on her and she-“  
Charlie wavered. She ran a hand over her face, let it rest upon her brows.  
  
“We filled the men's positions- in the factory while they were away. But they didn't pay the same loans. We both worked 12-hour-shifts and still didn't have enough money to pay the rent and buy enough food. She just wanted relief.”  
  
John wrapped an arm around her back and pulled her closer, trying to calm the trembling that took hold of her body.  
  
“He looked bloody fancy you know, rich clothes and everything. I used to tell her that he paid her for the sex but she insisted that it was just his way of helping us out. He sure treated her like a whore, but she didn't see it. Said he'd come back. Eventually he didn't.”  
  
Charlie bit her lower lip and her voice was hollow. “He'd left town before she could tell him that she was pregnant. She didn't want it- we didn't have enough money- I worked extra shifts so that she could go and see a doctor- but she couldn't bare having it inside her. She wouldn't wait so she did it herself when I was at work-.”  
  
A strangled sob cut her off and she buried her face in his shoulder. John held her much like Esme had done before, unknowing that he was the only person she'd ever told this. It was too much, all of it too much for her today. Dark spots started to dance in front of her eyes and she drowned the rest of her whiskey in one go. She could feel his gaze resting on her, searching for any sign of how he could help her and decided to voice this one last thing.  
  
“I don't know, Johnny- I don't know how to make it go away. He doesn't deserve to live. He's no better than us, just works for the ones in power, the ones deciding who's good or bad. But it'll never bring her back, never stop the nightmares.”  
  
John rested a hand against her cheek and tilted her head up so that she had to meet his eyes.  
  
“I don't know if there'll ever be peace for us, Char”, he rasped and she saw that same desperate craving for it in him that haunted her. “But you're not alone in this. I'm here for you, I promise you. And I won't leave.“

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't beta'd yet, so please excuse any language errors :)


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Black Star Day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I'm repeating myself but I want to send hugs and a massive THANK YOU to everyone, who took the time to catch up on this story and leave kudos and those lovely comments. Your feedback after last week's episode was really mind-blowing and every bit of it means the world to me.  
> So I tried to hurry to give you an extra bit of John and I hope that you'll enjoy!

_Calloused fingertips and palms brushed down her sides, running over her ribcage and sending shivers down her spine. She couldn't see but her other senses were heightened. His breath grew shallow in her ears and his scent seemed to engulf and lap around her. His mouth found her neck, sucking, teasing and biting gently until she couldn't suppress a deep moan any longer. His lips spread into a devilish smile and he let them trace her collarbone down, down to her breasts while his hands held her firmly in place, pinning her hips to the bed. She could feel his arousal against her thigh, already hard in anticipation of what was to come and he rubbed slowly against her as his tongue caught one of her nipples in his mouth. She bit her lip, trying to weaken the noises that escaped her throat but he mirrored them by now, his low growl vibrating against her stomach and through her entire body. The stubble on his cheeks sprayed sparks across her skin as he travelled further down, mouth joining fingers as they turned to her centre and shook her to her deepest core._  
  


Charlie sat up straight in bed when the door to Ada's room met the wooden wall behind it with a loud bang. Her skin was covered in light sweat and her head and neckline were flushed. But Ada didn't seem to notice either of it when she rushed towards her and drew her wordlessly into a tight hug, leaving Charlie struggling to catch up on what was going on. She saw John appearing in the door frame as she peaked over Ada's shoulder and the blush on her cheeks deepened instantly. So she quickly shut her eyes and tried to hide her face against Ada's neck, while John sighed exasperatedly.  
  
“Fuckin’ told ya, she needs rest, Ada. You're gonna squash her.”  
  
Ada decided to ignore her brother and instead released Charlie to give her the once-over and then gently smack her upper arm. Charlie's hand shot up immediately and she couldn't help but hiss as Ada had hit one of the sore cuts. It brought John right to her side.  
  
“Fuck, did she hurt you, Char?”  
  
Charlie waved him off, shaking her head and trying to play it cool, which let Ada exhale in relief before she turned to her brother.  
  
“Bloody fuck off, John. She doesn't need a babysitter and I can talk to her without you constantly around.”  
  
John's head went bright red and he had already opened his mouth for a snappy retort when he was interrupted by Katie, who popped her little head into the room.  
  
“Dad? James locked Rosie into the closet and won't let her out.”  
  
John moaned and shot his sister a glare, but then quickly followed his youngest daughter to break up the fight between her siblings. Satisfied, Ada turned her attention back to Charlie so that she saw the frown that creased her features.  
  
“I was worried sick about you, girl! Why didn't you let me know, you're out? I had to find out through my bloody brother giving me a lecture that I couldn't go to my room.”  
  
“I only got out last night and believe me, I would have come to you as soon as I would have been able to walk on mine own again.”  
  
Charlie flashed Ada a weak smile and saw how she chewed her lower lip while anxiety attended the worry on her face. Before she could probe into it though, Charlie decided to change the subject. “How's the baby? Polly said, you don't talk-“  
  
“I needed her help. He wouldn't stop crying and I didn't know what to do anymore. He's asleep in the living room now.”  
  
Ada closed her eyes briefly and in that moment Charlie realised how very tired and exhausted she looked. So she shuffled to one side, making space for Ada to slump down and rest her head on the pillow. They lay side by side, staring up at the ceiling and listening to the other one breathing.  
  
“I don't want to face Tommy.” Ada's voice was barely above a whisper. “I don't want to hear all the excuses, ‘cause I know they'll be nothing but that- just stupid excuses.”  
  
She took one deep breath and Charlie knew that she was preparing to ask something else that was burning on her tongue. “Do you know about my Freddie, Char? Do you know if he's getting out, too?”  
  
Charlie felt a rush of guilt crushing over her for thinking about him only now, for not having asked Moss how he was, for being so utterly relieved when he was still rotting in that same hole. A lump tied up her throat, causing her to have troubles answering at all.  
  
“I- I don't know- I don't think so. They were trying to break him, I heard that much-“  
  
She grabbed Ada's hand as she felt her starting to tremble by her side. “But I promise you, I'll try anything to get him out. I'm sure Tommy has some kind of plan. I'll burn that fuckin’ place to the ground if I have to-“  
  
Charlie felt how Ada squeezed her hand and how her head rolled sideways to rest against her shoulder. “Thank you”, she whispered and held onto her, “but you're not getting yourself in danger because of Freddie or me. I would never forgive myself.” Charlie turned her head and caught Ada's gaze, which she returned firmly.  
  
“You know Char, one day your bloody loyalty will be the death of you”, she added softly.  
  
  
It was Black Star Day and Charlie had Tommy cornered after the family meeting, insisting that he'd let her join the fight.  
  
“Charlotte, your cuts are not even healed yet. You should sit this one out.” He gave her that look, the one that silenced almost everyone who dared to raise an objection. But Charlie didn't back down.  
  
“You wouldn't tell Arthur or Scudboat to sit it out because of some simple cuts. Are you starting to make a difference now?”  
  
Tommy pointed his right index finger at her and they stared at each other, neither of them willing to give in. Finally he lowered his hand and instead fumbled with his cigarette pack.  
  
“Fair enough.”  
  
He lifted one cigarette to his lips and lit it, taking a deep drag before he went on.“Ada told me about your promise. She doesn't want you involved but since I could actually use your help, you're going to join Danny, make sure he sticks to the plan. I need someone who has an eye on him, especially when he gets his hands on a machine gun.”  
  
Charlie couldn't hide a small smug smile, which Tommy pretended to overlook before she offered him a firm nod. If she was entirely honest, she had no idea how she was supposed to stop Danny in case he had one of his fits since he was easily twice her size, but she would take any chance she got. Tommy continued to let her in on the details of the plan, telling her when she had to be where and declaring that she would the one driving Charlie Strong's truck. But her eyes had caught a movement behind his back and her mind was now wandering elsewhere. Charlie watched how Esme wrapped her arms around John's middle from behind in the far corner of the room. She stood up on tiptoes to be able to whisper something in his ear, which made him flash her his signature grin. Charlie didn't want to react that way, she didn't want herself to react in any way. She forced herself to watch and wanted to be able to feel nothing but she couldn't help to be rattled by her throat closing up and her heart contracting forcefully.  
  
“Charlotte, did you get that?”  
  
She wrenched her gaze back to Tommy, realising that he surveyed her closely and tried to come up with a quick response. “Yeah sure, I'm gonna get the keys from Curly and then pick up Danny. We'll meet you later back at the Garrison.”  
  
Without waiting for his reaction, she turned on the spot and hurried off, cursing herself for once again giving in to the urge to simply run away.  
  
  
They struck hard and fast and Freddie looked just as surprised when he laid eyes on Charlie as he had when he realised Danny was still alive.  
  
“How did you get out!?”  
  
She smirked and ushered them in to make a fast getaway before she explained on their way back to Small Heath. Suddenly, she interrupted the guys when they turned into Garrison Lane.  
  
“Danny, can you hand me a gun?”  
  
Their heads shot in her direction and she knew she must have gone white as chalk. “This can't be good- Something is terribly wrong”, she whispered and pointed ahead. They were confronted by a wall of black coats, which belonged to Kimber's men who had their backs turned on them and didn't seem to have noticed them yet.  
  
“Charlie, pull over”, Freddie hissed back and she complied instantly, killing the engine at the side of the road.  
  
“We- we must have been betrayed- they were supposed to be at the races- we- we're outnumbered!” Panic and confusion laced Danny's voice and stood wide in his eyes, but Freddie was quick to shut him off before he lost control.  
  
“Calm, Danny, calm yourself. I know, we promised you that we left the war in France, but these are our comrades. Now they might have strength in numbers, but we got this.”  
He put his hand on the machine gun and fixated Danny and Charlie with a firm look. “Follow my lead.”  
  
  
They stood back and waited for Tommy's sign, who had noticed them sneaking around the back out of the corner of his eye. Charlie's breathing was forced and shallow, her body tensed up to the last nerve. Normally she had the element of surprise on her side but facing them like this, it had to be what heading into a battle must feel like. She knew that even with the machine gun in their possession, their chances didn't look good. Their chances of making it all back out alive were virtually nonexistent. Fear crept around the brink of her strained mind, threatening to overwhelm and devour her but there was no way she was backing out now. She had brought this on herself, persuading Tommy to let her take part. So it was time to rely on that trust in him, telling herself that he knew what he was doing. It was blind trust which pushed her out of hiding on cue of Tommy's words.  
  
“If we have to use guns, let's use proper guns.”  
  
“Sergeant Thorne reporting for duty, sir.”  
  
The confidence in Freddie's words lent Charlie new strength as she came to a halt right between Tommy and John. He inhaled sharply when he laid eyes on her but Charlie kept her gaze straight ahead, cocking and pointing her gun in unison with the other peaky men. Somebody on the other side sneered, “Look, they bring their tarts to fight their battles for them”, and she felt how John rested one hand on her shoulder to keep her from snapping. Something inside her hardened and she knew she was ready, there was no going back now - but then suddenly the blood froze in her veins and her stomach sunk as Ada's voice sounded from behind Kimber's men and she saw her pushing Karl in his pram through their ranks. _This- this couldn't be-_  
  
“Fuckin’ hell Ada, what are you doing?”  
  
She found herself echoing Freddie's words and being rebuked by her just as he was.  
  
“I said, shut up!”  
  
Charlie's mouth went dry as she listened to what Ada had to say, her words cutting deep while she desperately tried to keep her crumbling wall up that she needed to go through with this.  
  
“Think about them, think about them right now”, Ada demanded and a thrust of bitterness drove through Charlie. _There's nobody to think about_.  
  
But just as if she had read her mind, Ada addressed her directly. “Yes, even you, Charlie. You're so sure nobody would give a fuck. Well I know, that my brothers would care, and not just John, but all of them. And I- I would cry for you like I would for a bloody sister.”  
  
That was enough to bring tears to Charlie's eyes and have the hand that was still pointing the gun trembling.  
  
“So fight if you want to”, Ada went on, “but that baby ain't moving anywhere. And neither am I.”  
  
There was a minute of silence. A minute where nothing moved, in which Ada's words seemed to take up all the space there was, a minute in which Charlie thought it was all over. But then Kimber raised his voice and only seconds later his gun, when everyone else stood paralysed, unable to catch up. The first shot hit Tommy's shoulder and while Kimber aimed another time, a movement caught Charlie's eye. One of his men stirred, pointing his rifle at John and Charlie reacted by sheer instinct. The bullet hit her chest just as Danny caught Kimber's second one, hitting the ground with an ear-splitting scream. She stumbled back, pain like heat surging through her entire body as her knees gave out and she felt John wrapping his arms around her, catching her just in time.  
  
“Don't shoot, don't fuckin’ shoot!”  
  
“Ada, move away!”  
  
Distant cries reached her ears as the air was knocked out of her lungs and the world moved in fast, blurry spirals around her. She gasped, trying to find her breath and felt like somebody was holding her head under water. Everything else was far away, detached from her- breath, she needed to breathe. Then suddenly her face was yanked to one side, cradled by hands that she later realised belonged to John and the world hit back with full force. Noises came crushing down on her, pierced through by Ada's furious sobs, bodies shuffling around her and finally John's features appeared in her field of vision. They were contorted by shock and horror.  
  
“Charlie, stay with me, alright? Just stay awake, we'll fix you up. I promise, I'm here, I won't leave you alone.”  
  
She managed a weak smile and caught his gaze for a couple of seconds when she coughed, “Told you, better me than you. Tommy said it himself, right- right?” Her voice trailed off, eyes fluttering shut and John clutched her to his chest with a frantic groan as she welcomed the darkness that swallowed her whole.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted you to know that I had this chapter planned before season 4 started! I'm sorry for all the heartbreak but it's going to get better!


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> By her side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will be the last chapter that is set during season one and I thought I'd make it an almost only John and Charlie one.   
> I really hope you enjoy :)

“Careful, don't wake your brother. He's had a rough night.”  
  
“More like rough days. I don't think he's slept since- since it happened. Must have passed out by sheer exhaustion.”  
  
Charlie sensed a shuffling presence at the edge of her consciousness, felt hands moving around her, heard familiar voices whispering close to her ear. Her mind was still clouded in heavy mist that clung to her like weights, made her grasp only lazily what might be going on. She felt like she was struggling upwards towards the surface through masses of water that were reluctant to release her, still trying to press her down. Finally she took a deep breath, filling her aching lungs with life and squinted against the cold light of the ceiling lamp. She didn't recognize her surroundings but the clean sheets and white tiles could only belong to a hospital room. The voices fell silent, the movements came to a halt.   
  
“Char- Charlie, are you awake?”  
  
She turned her head towards the breathless whisper and met Ada's huge eyes, filled with hope. Polly was right by her side, peeking over her shoulder and for a couple of heartbeats they just stared at each other. Eventually Charlie went for a light nod since her throat felt like sandpaper and she didn't trust her own voice just yet. Both of the other women had troubles silencing their sounds of relief. While Ada bent down to press a kiss to Charlie's forehead, Polly quickly poured her a glass of water. Charlie accepted it thankfully but when she tried to straighten herself a bit, a weight on the other side of her bed caught her attention. Only now she realised that John's upper body lay sprawled out at the foot of the bed, using her legs as a pillow, one of his hands holding on to her right shin. He looked so peaceful and crumpled that she didn't dare to move another inch. She couldn't take her eyes off of him either. Slowly the last details she took in before passing out came back to her and she could only begin to grasp what he must have went through.   
  
She remembered how he had clutched her to his chest, his hand frantically pressed on her wound to stop the bleeding. She remembered how the blood had gushed out nonetheless and how it had soaked his waistcoat and shirt. She remembered how he had shouted at the other ones to get out of the way, to help him carry her, to do something, anything. Without turning her gaze away, she rasped quietly, “How long have I been out?”   
  
“Three days.”  
  
Charlie met Polly's eyes and finally took a long gulp of water. Every movement of her upper body sent a surge of pain through her veins, so she rested back against her pillow with a sigh.   
  
“The doctors removed the bullet”, Polly went on. “It had smashed your collarbone, so they tried to put that back together. They said you were lucky that it didn't hit your lungs. But still, you had lost a lot of blood so they weren't sure if you'd wake back up-“   
  
Polly's voice failed and Charlie felt weirdly abashed as she didn't know how to react to the other woman getting emotional because of her. Eventually she reached for Polly's hand and squeezed it lightly, which earned her a small, exhausted smile in return. Ada then tucked a stray stand of hair behind Charlie's ear and said, “We're going to tell the other ones that you're awake and come back later with some proper food, alright? If you need anything, just wake John up.”  
  
Charlie nodded simply and watched them wave at her on their way out. Her eyes turned back to John's sleeping frame. She reached down with her right hand to touch his elbow and looked at him until she felt her own eyelids fluttering shut. When she woke up again and he was still sound asleep by her side, she decided it was time to let him know that he could go back home to his own bed. Carefully she wriggled her leg in his grip and tried to nudge his cheek with her knee. He groaned in response and rubbed his nose against her shin, trying to find a comfortable position. But when he seemed to realise that his pillow was unusually hard, he sat up and she saw his expression change when he remembered where he was. His eyes met hers and in that moment, Charlie held her breath.  
  
One, two, three seconds and he jumped to his feet, almost losing his balance as the rest of his body didn't shed the sleep so quickly. Within a heartbeat, his hands cradled her face and he seemed to be all around her, wrapping her up in himself but still careful not to shift his own weight onto her upper body or touch anything that might hurt her.   
Charlie's face was buried in his chest as he pressed kisses to her hair and uttered a constant stream of mumbled curses that released every bit of tension and despair, which had clung to him so mercilessly over the last days. When he finally sat back, hands still holding on to her face, she saw a wet haze covering his eyes and felt a stinging twitch to her heart. To reassure him, she rested her fingers against his cheek, caressing its soft stubble and noticed how he relaxed under her touch.   
  
“You look bloody awful”, she croaked and flashed him a crooked smile. He couldn't help but snort and break out in a grin of his own.   
  
“Well right back atcha'.”  
  
“Oi, I caught a bloody bullet for you. I'm allowed to look like death himself”, she retorted with a chuckle.   
  
Instantly, John's smile faded and he flinched back as if she had just slapped him.   
  
“Is that funny to you? Do you think that's a fuckin’ joke?!” He stood up and started pacing the room, leaving Charlie utterly confused and lost for words.   
  
“I mean what were you thinking, Char? You said I shouldn't have to bury another wife, yeah? How about burying my bloody best friend, who fuckin’ died because of me, huh? How do you think that would feel? I'll tell you. It doesn't bloody matter if we're courting or not, it would hurt just as fuckin’ much!”  
  
He talked himself into a frenzy and didn't let her get the word, indignantly running a hand over his face before pointing a finger at her.   
  
“This is exactly the kind of self-sacrificing shit that Tommy warned us about right from the beginning. I'm gonna make him pull you from the bloody streets, I don't fuckin’ care! Just tell me what the bloody hell you were thinking!”   
  
“I didn't think, John!”   
  
Charlie tried to sit up to give vent to her anger and regretted it immediately. With a groan she lay back and could see worry flitting over his face. But she wasn't finished with him.   
  
“There was no time to think. I saw him pull the gun and there was just one fuckin’ thing in my head. You on the ground in a puddle of your own blood. I didn't think, I just reacted ‘cause I knew I couldn't let that happen. So will you please stop giving me shit for probably saving your life, ‘cause I would definitely do it again.”   
  
John released a deep breath he only now realised he was holding. He took two long strides back to her bed and settled on the edge of it. He didn't want any distance between them.   
  
“When will you ever wrap your bloody head around the fact that your life is worth just as much as each one of ours?”, he asked quietly and laced his fingers with hers. When Charlie turned her head away to avoid his eyes, he knew he had hit a nerve. She chewed her lower lip for a couple of seconds before her firm gaze met his again.   
  
“You might be right, I'm not sure about that. And I don't expect you to agree with me, but I want you to understand.”   
  
She squeezed his hand tightly as she went on. “Think about how you felt for the last couple of days. And I'm so sorry, I put you through this, Johnny, I really am. But now just think about Esme and your kids and imagine how the pain would have been five times as bad, if it would have been you. You got so many depending on you, Johnny. I don't. That's the simple difference.”   
  
It was John's turn to cast his eyes down, while he held her fingers so firmly that her knuckles turned white.   
  
“Your kids already lost their mum”, Charlie added in a whisper. “I didn't want them to lose you too.”   
  
John swallowed hard and groaned quietly before he moved close to her again. She saw that his eyes rested on her lips and felt that warm prickle surging through her, but instead he pressed his mouth to her forehead.   
  
“Fuckin’ hell, I don't deserve ya”, he mumbled and his lips moved against her skin.   
  
“Shut up”, she shot back and pinched his stomach through his shirt, which made him snicker and finally lifted the last bit of tension between them. They shared a long affectionate look, during which their smiles found perfect counterparts on the other one's face until Charlie sighed and tried to push him off the bed.  
  
“Come on then, go home. You need some proper rest and most likely a wash.”   
  
She pretended to wrinkle her nose, which made him laugh out loud. Normally a comment like this would have earned her an additional smack on the shoulder, but John restricted himself to shaking his head and making himself comfortable at the foot of the bed.   
  
“Not happening. Told you, I'm not gonna to leave you alone. Ada and Aunt Pol wanted to come here sometime today, so I'm gonna wait until you've got them to keep you company.”   
  
She rolled her eyes playfully at him but had to admit that she liked having him all to herself for the moment. But since everything between them was settled, her thoughts turned to other things that came back to her now and she couldn't help but ask what had happened after she had passed out. John shook his head in response and she felt her whole chest clenching when he told her about Danny. It could have been her, she knew that. She just got lucky. And John wasn't finished yet.   
  
“There's more that you should know. It was Grace, who betrayed us. She’s the one responsible for that fuckin’ mess, that Kimber could get to us- worked for Campbell as a bloody spy-“   
  
A surge of adrenaline rushed through Charlie from head to toes and it would have jolted her upright, if she hadn't tried to fight it to avoid the inevitable pain. Instead she clutched fistfuls of sheet in her hands and let out a frustrated moan.   
  
“Tell me you're joking, please.”  
  
John shook his head.   
  
“That was why he knew so bloody much, why I was in town and everything. I trusted her and she sold me to Campbell. I'm gonna rip her fuckin’ head off.”   
  
“Well, you'll have get in line for that.”   
  
Charlie shot him a confused look and John went on to explain. “Aunt Pol said, she'd kill her herself if she doesn't leave town. Then I claim to be second in line, ‘cause I'm blaming her for you getting shot. Arthur's not too happy about it either and nobody knows what Tommy thinks or feels.”   
  
What Charlie didn't know was that John deliberately didn't tell her that Campbell lay injured and unable to move in a hospital at the other end of town, because he wasn't sure if she wouldn't try something stupid even in her condition. She needed rest and peace and quiet, and he was determined to give it to her at least for now.   
Suddenly Charlie felt very tired. There wasn't anything she could have done about Grace at that moment, didn't feel like fighting for the first time in a long time. So she carefully lifted one hand to rub her eyes and mumbled, “Alright, I'm gonna share, but only with you, Johnny. Tommy can have her once we're finished.” She peeked through her fingers and was met by his broad smile.   
  
“Taught ya well”, he smirked.   
  
Before either of them could say anything else, the door to her room was yanked open and a bright red flushed Finn rushed to her side.   
  
“Charlie, I- Aunt Polly just told me- I didn't want to wait for them, so I ran the whole way here by meself!”  
  
John shot his brother an irritated look, meaning to tell him that he should stand down and give her some space, but then he saw an amused glint playing around Charlie's eyes while she listened to Finn sputtering one story after the other. Ada and Polly arrived shortly after him and that was John's cue. He watched as they unpacked a big basket full of food and bent down to Charlie to give her a small kiss goodbye on the cheek. He caught her eyes one last time and as usual they sent a warm flutter through his belly. Then he accepted a sandwich from Polly on his way out and left them to themselves, hoping that they'd grant her some rest once they had stuffed her with ham and cheese and pie.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bit of jealousy and some new orders.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the late update, work kept me busy during the last weeks. But here's the first chapter for season 2 and I really hope you guys will enjoy where this is going. As always, I'd be so happy to read what you think.

**\- 2 years later -**  
  


It was the day of the grand reopening of the Garrison and Charlie was wearing her green dress and a new pair of matching shoes that Esme had urged her to buy. Something to fit the occasion, right? It was also Esme, who dragged her over to a table in the corner as soon as she entered the pub. She wanted to introduce her to her aunt and a couple of remote cousins, who happened to be in town that night. One of them seemed vaguely familiar to Charlie and judging by the looks on his face, he also tried to place her. Fortunately, the penny dropped for Charlie first and as soon as it did, she made her excuses and retreated to the bar. He had been in one of the fights on the racetracks, when they had still served as protection for Kimber and if Charlie remembered correctly, it was Arthur who had held him in place so that she could land a heavy punch to his stomach. Not that there were any hard feelings on her side, but she preferred to avoid giving an explanation or apologies if possible. With a sigh, she slumped down on the chair next to Lizzie, who shot her an amused look, and didn't need to ask for a refill as Arthur was already at it. She had taken a small sip of the burning brown liquid, when an arm was wrapped around her back and John's boyish grin appeared at her left side. 

“Don't you go too fast, ay? We both are gonna celebrate tonight and you're not having any fun without me. I just need to get my money back from Scudboat and then we'll do some shots.”  
  
He scanned the room looking for the other peaky man and left just as quickly as he had shown up, leaving Charlie to ask, “What- what are we celebrating?”  
  
Arthur couldn't hide a smirk and topped Lizzie's drink when he said, “Nah don't worry, he's just gonna miss you like mad.”  
  
“Miss me? I'm not going anywhere, am I?”  
  
Charlie saw how Arthur's expression changed and knew that she had caught him. But before she could begin to ask the various questions burning on her tongue, he tried to cut her off.  
  
“ Just wait till Tommy gets here, alright? You know he wanted to talk to you later on anyways. It's nothing bad, I promise.”  
  
With that he made an escape to the other end of the bar, where some customers impatiently thrummed their fingertips and glasses on the wooden surface. Charlie huffed and turned her attention to Lizzie, who surely had some insider information. But Lizzie's gaze was fixed on a person behind her and now she bent towards her.  
  
“I think someone's got an eye on you there”, she whispered conspiratorially, pointing over Charlie's shoulder.

Curiosity got the better of her and so Charlie turned around to meet the eyes of a young man, who looked far too fancy to know anything about the past of this place or belong to Small Heath at all. He lifted his glass and the smile he directed at her was accompanied by a small nod. Unsure whether she welcomed the attention or not, Charlie nodded back and then turned back to find Lizzie grinning from ear to ear.  
  
“Certainly not a bad catch, Char. Will you give him a try?”  
  
Charlie screwed up her face, about to voice some doubts, but Lizzie didn't budge.  
  
“Come on, I'm not talking marriage but you deserve some fun.”  
  
A tap on her shoulder made the decision for her and Lizzie smiled encouragingly when the stranger introduced himself as Robert and asked if he could buy them another drink. Neither of them admitted to him that their drinks were on the house tonight since Arthur would gladly accept some cash and so he placed three fresh glasses in front of them with a wink in Charlie's direction. It didn't take long and she knew everything about Robert's reasons for passing through the city (handling some business deal for his father), his noble ancestry (which he didn't fail to mention in every other sentence) and the persistent afflictions of his two younger sisters (which he shared without batting an eyelid). During his monologue, Charlie barely opened her mouth twice and felt like she was expected to absorb every boring detail of his life with an unrealistic amount of enthusiasm. But who knew, maybe once he had told her everything there was to know about him, he would turn to her and actually ask a question. Charlie should never find out. Because just as he was about to list the names of his dogs (there were fourteen of them), a familiar smell tickled her nose followed by its owner, who pushed himself ruggedly in-between their chairs. John's broad back obscured Charlie's view but she knew that he looked Robert up and down, before she heard his low, cool rumble vibrating in his chest.  
  
“Fuck off.”  
  
“Excuse me?” Robert was seriously taken aback and Charlie didn't know whether she should laugh or be annoyed with John's possessive behaviour.  
  
“I said, fuck off”, he repeated, still dangerously calm.  
  
“I'm sorry, but this is the twenties, mate. If the lady doesn't want to talk to me, she'll tell me herself.” Charlie's eyebrows shot up in surprise as this was the first interesting thing Robert had said during the last twenty minutes. But before she could interfere, he made the mistake of asking John, “And who are you then?”  
  
Now alright, she leant back and watched as John's shoulders tightened and he inched forward, towering over poor Robert.  
  
“I'm John Shelby.”  
  
As if that wasn't enough of a threat, Robert tried to catch Charlie's eyes. “I don't think she’s told me her last name- Are- are you her husband?”  
  
“I'm the guy, who's gonna break your bloody nose if you don't fuck off right now”, John shot back and almost lifted Robert off his chair when he grabbed him by the jacket.  
  
This had gone far enough, so Charlie put a hand on his shoulder, which made him ease his grip far enough for Robert to make a quick getaway. John took a minute to straighten his shirt and waistcoat before he turned around to her as if nothing had happened. Any possible sign of aggression had vanished from his features and was now replaced by a self-complacent grin that spread over his entire face. Charlie cocked an eyebrow at him and waited for an apology. John knew exactly what she expected to hear but didn't budge as they stared at each other without blinking. Eventually Charlie cleared her throat.  
  
“You know, Lizzie and I think that I deserve a bit of fun.”  
  
John flinched but tried to hide that he knew very well what she was implying. Instead his smile deepened and he nodded slowly. “Well I agree, that’s why I'm all here for you tonight.”  
  
“And what was that all about then?”, she retorted while narrowing her eyes.  
  
“That guy?” John shot her an incredulous look. “I think he's never learnt how to treat a girl proper. I was just trying to save you from being bored to death.”  
  
“I can handle myself, John-“  
  
“Never questioned that”, he interrupted her, inching closer so that she could feel his breath on her cheek. “But _that_ bloke wasn't good enough for you.”  
  
The look in his eyes was intense as if he was trying to tell her a million things at once and he held hers firmly for a couple of heartbeats, unwilling to release her. Only when Arthur placed a fresh glass of whiskey in front of his brother, he broke away and the thick tension between them dissolved into thin air. John took a long gulp, clearing his throat afterwards.  
  
“So may I ask for this dance, Char?”  
  
He emptied his glass in a second swig and strutted to the middle of the room, hoping that Charlie would follow him. She hesitated for a second and released a long breath, uncertain whether she should give in. But then she heard Arthur's low chuckle behind her back and turned to face him.  
  
“No man in the whole of Birmingham is gonna be good enough for you in his eyes”, he sighed and shook his head. “But don't you be mad with him, alright? He just wanted to have you to himself tonight.”  
  
Arthur nodded in the direction of the dancing, cheerful people and Charlie saw that John still stood there, hands propped on his hips, watching her and waiting for her to join him. In that moment, Finn tried to push his way through the crowd, but John grabbed him by the elbow and pulled him close. The expression on Finn's face was priceless when his elder brother started to pretend-fancy-dance with him while his eyes never left Charlie's and she couldn't help but burst out laughing. John's face lit up immediately and he pointed in her direction to make Finn understand. Finn nodded and now she had two Shelby brothers waiting for her, an offer which she couldn't reject. Before she went over though, she quickly turned to Lizzie and asked, “Are you coming?”  
  
“Oh, you go ahead, I'll just finish my drink.”  
  
So Charlie jumped off her chair and took John's hand first, letting him spin her around to the fast rhythm of the music until she felt like the world existed of nothing but blurry, colourful twirls and his grin. Soon Lizzie, Esme and a bunch of Lees joined in, fuelling their boisterous mood even further and while John asked his wife for a dance, it was Finn's turn to toss Charlie around. He had easily grown about a foot over the last two years, which brought him at eye level with her. And what was more, Finn had become a fabulous dancer. Charlie had no clue, who had taught him the moves or that sense of rhythm but if she'd had to admit it, he was head and shoulders better than his brother. Esme and Lizzie had the chance to assure themselves of his skills and each of them giggled joyfully when Finn took the lead. They danced until they were struggling for breath and their feet started to hurt. Just as John wanted to keep his promise of organising them some shots, Tommy appeared by the bar and waved Charlie over. Before she could turn away though, John quickly reached for her wrist and held her back for a couple of seconds.  
  
 “I'm gonna wait for you over there. This ain't a night for business, so be quick. You're not getting off the hook.”  
  
Charlie nodded and stuck her tongue out at him when she made her way towards the private room in the corner.  
  
  
The room was only dimly lit, but neither of them needed light to find their way around. As she shut the door behind her, the noises and cheers silenced to an indistinguishable mumble. Tommy sat at the head of the table and Charlie took her usual seat on the bench by the side. She watched him lighting the cigarette that dangled between his lips and accepted it gladly as he offered it to her. Then he brought another one up to his mouth and took a deep drag before he spoke.  
  
“Don't worry, I won't keep you long but this is important.”  
  
Charlie didn't respond but listened in calm anticipation of what was to come.  
  
“You know that the boys and I will be going down to London again next weekend.” A nod from her side. “I want you to come this time. And I want you to stay.”  
  
Tommy paused deliberately to watch how a small frown creased Charlie's forehead. Another drag of his cigarette and he went on.  
  
“We're expanding, Charlotte. Shelby Company Limited is going to take over London and I need people down there that I can trust.”  
  
Charlie didn't say anything but simply exhaled slowly.  
  
“I need someone”, Tommy explained, ”who will be able to handle my business with Alfie Solomons. I need someone, who will be able to handle his temper, who won't rise to provocation and can stand his ground- our ground.”  
  
“But I thought, you had Billy Kitchen in position for that?”, Charlie asked, “What do you need me for?”  
  
Tommy nodded and pointed his cigarette at her. “Billy will be busy commanding a hundred men, so he most likely won't have time to double-check invoices, deliveries and synchronise with Solomons. You'll be the link between them, running the serious side of the business. Besides I'm going to need you to meet with other potential business partners in my name in case I can't be there.”  
  
He led the cigarette back to his lips and waited for a reaction. Charlie's eyes had trailed to the polished, wooden surface of the desk in front of her and the next seconds passed in silence. When Tommy's impatience got the better of him, he remembered what he had forgotten to mention.  
  
“Oh, and I'm doubling your pay.”  
  
A surprised look flitted over Charlie's face and she turned her head to meet his gaze. “I still got conditions.”  
  
Tommy tried to hide the small smirk that played around the corners of his mouth and simply nodded for her to go on.  
  
“I want to keep my room”, Charlie declared. “You probably think it's silly, but I'm not giving that up. I'll be able to afford it with what I earn then. And I want to come up one weekend a month to discuss the most important things with you in person.” Tommy had already opened his mouth in response when Charlie added quickly, “And for birthdays. I want to be here for birthdays.”  
  
Now a full-fledged smile spread over Tommy's face. “Getting sentimental there, Charlotte? That's a rare sight”, he teased.  
  
“You guys are the only family I got, Tommy. I don't want to give that up”, she gave back quietly.  
  
His smile faded and a more serious expression returned to his features as he nodded understandingly. “Well, you won't have to. This is where you're going to stay in London.”  
He placed a big iron key on the table then and pushed it towards her. Charlie picked it up for better inspection, the confused frown back in place. “A house? You bought me a house?”  
  
“Nah, I bought Ada a house and it has plenty of empty rooms”, he smiled, glad to finally see a rush of excitement brightening her features.  
  
“I'm gonna stay with Ada?”, Charlie sputtered and Tommy nodded in confirmation. She had missed her deeply ever since she moved to London with Freddie and they only saw each other infrequently. “Well, she doesn't know yet, but you might want to ask her as soon as she gets here tonight.”  
  
Charlie nodded enthusiastically before she tried to put her business face back on. “So, but do you agree with my conditions?”  
  
“Sure, I don't think John would let you go if I wouldn't”, he huffed and fumbled with his cigarette pack for a fresh smoke. Charlie's cheeks turned a light shade of red and in that moment she was thankful for the bad lightening. She was about to stand, when Tommy remembered something else.  
  
“Oh, and Charlotte?”  
  
She stopped dead in her tracks.  
  
“There will be a hundred men under our control, some of which you know, most of which you don't. Plus an additional fifty from Solomons. You've got my permission to do everything you have to for them to respect you. To show them, why you're a Blinder.”  
  
“So you suggest that I should put in some extra hours of training with John and Finn?”, she said firmly and Tommy nodded in response. Charlie made a mental note to ask them later on and then returned to an impatient John and three respective shots that were waiting for each of them.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First encounters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for your patience and for sticking with this story! I really hope that I'll have the chance to update quicker during the holiday. I still got big plans and I'm really excited to hear what you guys think on where this is going :)  
> Enjoy this one x

Charlie fumbled with the collar button of her blouse, unsure whether to open or close it and really just looking for an excuse to keep her hands busy. She and Tommy were waiting in a small, dimly lit room that separated the entrance from the actual bakery and was stocked with old wooden crates.

“Open.”  
  
Tommy's deep rasp pulled Charlie out of the jumble that was her thoughts. She cocked an eyebrow at him.  
  
“Gives you more room to breathe”, Tommy explained and she gave in.  
  
She took a deep breath, trying to push all the things Arthur and John had told her about her imminent encounter aside to put her business face on. Or at least one which she hoped wouldn't give away her uneasiness. Yes that man had a reputation of some kind, but she was a Blinder for Christ's sake. Tommy watched her out of the corner of his eye, pondering whether he should say something, but that decision was made for him. A door to their right was opened, cutting Tommy short and revealing a tall, lanky man who entered the room followed by an eagerly sniffing dog.  
  
“Rupert, heel! Come here, don't go-“  
  
The man gestured wildly and was studiously ignored by the dog, who already pushed his nose under the hem of Charlie's skirt to inspect her knees and stockings, and give them a good lick. Charlie felt her inner tension fading almost instantly and bent down to return his enthusiastic greeting. The man, who introduced himself as Olli, had by now given up on trying to gain Rupert's attention and so he simply advised Charlie to make sure that he wouldn't escape out on to the streets. Then he turned to Tommy.  
  
“Mister Shelby, there are a couple of documents that you'd need to sign. If you'll follow me? It won't take long. Mister Solomons wants this done before you go on to conduct further business.”  
  
Tommy nodded in response, threw the rest of his cigarette to the ground and grinded its butt under his heel. Before he followed Olli though, he turned to Charlie and said, “I'll be right back. Don't get bitten.”  
  
“I-mmh won-mmh” was everything Charlie could give back as she was already on her knees and Rupert all over her face. She let her fingers run through his brownish-golden fur in rubbing circles and was rewarded with a wet smack to her cheek. His tail wagged eagerly in appreciation and Charlie was sure if there would have been any room, he would have climbed up on to her lap. This was balm to her stressed out mind. Just as she had found a spot right behind his ears that he especially seemed to like, a door to her other side was opened.  
  
“Rupert.”  
  
A low growl filled the room in its entirety and this time Rupert didn't need a second call to obey. He whimpered quietly as if he didn't want the fun to end but followed suit so that Charlie was left on her own on the ground, caught off guard with her hands still up in the air. Brushing the dog hair off of her skirt, she squinted up to examine Rupert's apparent owner. Most of his face was covered by a messy beard and he pressed his lips together to a thin line. But the expression in his eyes was wild and as soon as Charlie met them, she knew she was in trouble.  
  
“You don't seem to know the fuckin’ rules around here, sweetie, do ya?”, he rumbled, bending towards her. “Wives got no business in my bakery, right, and whores, they can meet their customers in their own fuckin’ places, now can't they? So do me a favour and fuck off.”  
  
Charlie took a sharp breath, her mind racing to piece the new information together as the man turned around to leave without so much as looking at her again.  
  
“Mister Solomons.”  
  
The man stopped dead in his tracks. Charlie was back on her feet, straightening herself until she was bolt upright and oh, she was ready for this.  
  
“I'm here in the name of Shelby Company Limited.”  
  
She paused deliberately to watch him hunch his shoulders.  
  
“I'm Mister Shelby's administrative coordinator and I believe you had a meeting scheduled for us at - just now.”  
  
The next couple of seconds passed in perfect silence, even Rupert didn't dare to move as the tension cloaking the room was thick enough to be cut with a knife. But Charlie wasn't intimidated anymore. She relished in it. It was his move. Eventually he turned back around, darting towards her, which was obviously meant to make her wince, but Charlie didn't budge. His brow was furrowed, his whole face crunched up into a sceptical mask as he now took the time to let his eyes size her up. Suddenly she felt weirdly exposed under his gaze but still resisted the urge to squirm. If Tommy's plans for her were supposed to work out, she had to pass this first test.  
  
“Shelby said it's a bloke by the name of Charlie Anderson”, he finally grunted.  
  
She had to control herself not to roll her eyes. Of course, the only time Tommy would call her Charlie was when he wanted someone to think that she was a guy. Instead she plastered a smile on her face and offered Alfie her hand.  
  
“That's me. Charlotte Anderson. Pleasure to meet you, sir.”  
  
Alfie narrowed his eyes and inched even closer, ignoring her hand but staring at her as if he was trying to read what she was thinking. He drew his lower lip into his mouth so that the hairs of his beard on either side tangled up in another. She stood her ground, there was no backing out now, but she realised how her breathing grew shallow the longer his gaze lingered on her, pressure holding her firmly in its grip. Finally he offered her another grunt in response. Charlie had no clue whether it signalled approval or displeasure, she just knew that his whole demeanour tickled a cocky side in her. So her smile deepened and she raised an eyebrow at him when she added, “I'm sorry to disappoint your expectations, Mister Solomons, but I'm sure as soon as you'll see that a woman can be something else than a wife or a whore, our cooperation will prove to be very productive.”  
  
Quite satisfied she watched how his brows shot up in surprise and his eyes softened when an amused twinkle flitted across them, replacing the dismissive grimace from before. He raised his left hand to scratch his beard and mumbled more to himself than to her, “Oh I'm sure that it will, I'm sure, right sure that it will-“  
  
Before Charlie could probe into what made him so sure all of a sudden, the other door was yanked open again and Olli, followed by Tommy, stepped back into the room.  
  
“Olli, mate there you are now-“, Alfie threw his arms in the air, “I've been running around looking for you mate, now haven't I? Be a good boy and take Rupert with you, will ya? I've got some business to discuss with our guests.”  
  
With that he left a reluctant Rupert in his assistant's care and led Charlie and Tommy the way along to his office.  
  
  
They spent the next hour discussing orders, shipments and how to split the generated profits. Charlie kept silent for most of the conversation but soaked in everything that was said, especially Tommy's propositions. When they turned to their plan on how to fight Sabini, she started to listen even more attentively. Alfie had just told them about a new club Sabini planned to open close to his territory when Charlie had to ask something that was burning on her tongue.  
  
“I'm sorry to bring this up now, but Tommy I just realised we haven't talked about it yet. Will you put me on the streets as long as I'm down here?”  
  
Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed the surprised expression on Alfie's face, which was followed by a low chuckle as he apparently took her words an entirely different way. Tommy deliberately ignored his reaction and answered simply, “Whenever I'm in town with the boys, or John or Arthur by themselves, you'll join us. Otherwise I want you to try and stay out of trouble. Except when you have to defend yourself of course. “  
  
Surprise was replaced by confusion when Alfie now seemed to want to get something straight.  
  
“Ay you don't need to worry about your safety, sweetheart. I got men that'll guide you home, right, and no one will harm you as long as you stay in my territory.”  
  
She flinched at the word 'sweetheart' and turned up her mouth, which didn't go unnoticed by him. At the same time, she could feel Tommy's gaze on her and knew that this was another test, which she had to pass. He had seen her losing her temper when she felt like she needed to prove herself to someone more than once (although most often while being drunk), but this was exactly the kind of situation she would have to deal with on a daily basis during the next couple of weeks. And if Tommy would had wanted someone to snap, he could had just sent Arthur and this whole business deal would had been done with within a week. So instead Charlie answered with a polite but determined smile.  
  
“I appreciate the offer but that won't be necessary.”  
  
She watched how annoyance attended Alfie's features and creased his brow into a frown again as if he thought that they just didn't want to understand the gravity of the situation, but Tommy cleared his throat and interrupted him before he could retort anything.  
  
“We are a modern enterprise, Mister Solomons”, he declared calmly and led a cigarette to his lips. “I have never made a difference when it came to Charlotte,” - Charlie fought hard to keep a straight face to avoid undermining his argument, when all that fuss about not being able to put John and her on the streets together came right to her mind – “so I hope that you'll offer her the same kind of respect in treating her exactly like any other man that I’d sent down to handle my business.”  
  
Tommy had exhaled the smoke through his nose and took another drag of his cigarette now. Meanwhile Alfie's eyes flitted from him over to Charlie and back, his fingers tangled in his beard and thoughtfully scratching his cheek when he responded with yet another simple grunt. Seemed like this was going to be the mode of communication for what was to come, but when Charlie met his eyes again, there was more to it. The intensity in them tickled that daring side in her again. So she smiled innocently and said, “I don't want us to get off on the wrong foot, Mister Solomons, so I apologize for petting your dog without your permission earlier.”  
  
“He doesn't like people.”  
  
“He didn't seem to mind though.”  
  
She held his stare and saw the corners of his mouth twitching until he leant back in his chair, propped his elbows up on its armrests and interlaced his fingers in front of his chest. A low rumble escaped his chest that sounded like “Fair enough”, accompanied by a barely noticeable nod. Tommy couldn't help but watch the scene in silent attentiveness, before he decided to break the tension as he cleared his throat to turn back to his plans for Sabini. When their meeting eventually drew to a close both men turned their attention back to Charlie.  
  
“You got any further questions, Miss Anderson?”, Alfie asked. She shook her head. “Right then I expect you right back here tomorrow at nine. Now fuck off, will ya?”  
  
Tommy's head shot up and he looked just as staggered as Charlie felt but Alfie didn't let them get the word as he bent forwards and pointed his finger at her. “Don't look so shocked now, will ya? This is exactly how I treat any of my men and how I'd treat any bloke sent to do business with me. Want me to make no difference, right, then this is what you'll have to be able to fuckin’ deal with.”  
  
Charlie felt like little jolts of electricity cursed through her from her fingertips to toes. If this was the challenge, hell she was ready to accept it. But outwardly she managed to stay calm and composed, simply nodding unimpressed.  
  
“Fair enough.”  
  
With that she stood, watched the two men shake hands on the deal and then left with Tommy without so much as looking at Alfie again. Still she couldn't restrain herself from calling back over her shoulder before the door to the office fell shut behind her.  
  
“Good day, Mister Solomons.“

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I might need to edit my tags some time soon...


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blurred lines.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no clue why I thought I'd have more time during the holiday. This must have been the most stressful Christmas in years. Anyhoo, I hope all of you had a fabulous one! Here comes a bit of John (bitter)sweetness to make the long wait up to you :)

When Charlie unlocked the front door to Ada's house, she and Tommy were greeted by gleeful laughter that echoed through the long corridors. They turned the corner to the kitchen, following the noises and found Karl bouncing on Arthur's lap and giggling so hard that he almost forgot to breathe. John sat on the windowsill, one leg propped up and the other one dangling down, puffing his cigar out of the open window. This was clearly Ada's victory as she had forbidden her brothers to smoke in Karl's presence as long as they stayed with her. As soon as John laid eyes on Charlie though, he stubbed it out to rush to the table and fire a row of questions at her at the same time as Arthur.  
  
“How was he?”  
  
“What did he say?”  
  
“Did he threaten to shoot you in the face just like he did with Tommy that first time?”  
  
“Did you bring some of the rum?”  
  
Charlie shook her head in amusement but settled for greeting Ada and Karl with a little peck to the cheek first. Then she slumped down next to John, who immediately inched closer, indicating that he was waiting for an answer.  
  
“It was fine”, she finally gave back and narrowed her eyes playfully at him, “there was no need to tell me all these horror stories in advance to scare the living hell out of me.”  
  
“Oh, if you believe what's said in almost every pub in-“, Arthur started but Charlie didn't let him finish.  
  
“No, don't try to clear yourself. You guys made it sound like he is some kind of disfigured madman who'd attack me with a hammer as soon as I place a foot in that bakery.”  
  
John and Arthur opened their mouths in unison but she raised her hand and didn't let them get the word.  
  
“I appreciate your concern, I really do. But to make this clear, it was fine, I'm gonna be fine. I kind of dared him and he didn't shoot me. He does look kind of messy but it suits him so-“  
  
“Dared him?” Arthur blurted out, interrupting her.  
  
“Suits him? What's that supposed to mean?” John added and crunched up his face. Suddenly Charlie was lost for words, feeling a blush rising to her cheeks.  
  
“That's- that's not what I meant-“  
  
To her surprise it was Tommy who came to her help. “It means that unlike anyone of us, he can actually wear a full beard”, he stated matter-of-factly, giving his brothers that unimpressed look, which was supposed to shut them right up. A broad grin spread across Ada's face when Charlie nodded eagerly to agree with him. But since John still looked like he would love to comment on that, Tommy decided to change subjects altogether and directed his next words at Charlie.  
  
“Work's not done for today. Sabini's men are blackmailing a pub in the Solomons territory and we have permission to take matters into our hands to set an example. So you might want to unpack your suitcase and get settled ‘cause we're taking you out tonight.”  
  
  
They walked down the street like they already owned the city. Coats flapping around their legs, four caps in place, razorblades catching and reflecting the light of the street lamps. People made way for them as soon as they laid eyes on them and Charlie could hear their breathless whispers behind her back. It seemed like the boys had already established a reputation for them during their last few visits. Adding that to the air of bravado and recklessness that accompanied their every step, Charlie couldn't help but relish in the rush of energy that cursed through her. The expression on Arthur's face was wild, a rare excited smile played around the corners of Tommy's mouth and John wrapped an arm around her shoulders, puffing his cigar with his other hand. They were Blinders and in that moment they were bloody invincible.  
  
  
A dull throbbing pain in the left side of her face woke Charlie the next morning after a night, which had ended far too soon. She remembered how she had gotten the bruise even though most of what had happened after their fight was lost on her. One of Sabini's men had lifted a chair to break it over her head and she hadn't been able to duck down quick enough, so that his blow had hit her cheek. She tried to go back to sleep by pressing her face to the pillow but that only worsened the pain. So she sat up in an attempt to turn over - and only now noticed the warm body that lay sprawled out on her other side, legs tangling with hers and one arm resting on her hip. Her eyes widened in shock but simultaneously she felt how a thrill of excitement caused her heartbeat to double its speed.  
  
She hadn't been this close to him in years and the calm look on his face took her back to a time in which she was unwilling to disturb the peace whenever she had been the one to wake up first. That wasn't the case today, however. A surge of guilt crushed down on her, turning her stomach over and she squeezed John's calf with her toes without taking her gaze off of him. When he didn't stir, she cursed under her breath and bent towards him to pinch his arm through his shirt. He groaned but still didn't think about giving in and rather even tried to pull her closer to him.  
  
“Fuckin’ hell, John, wake up! Come on, you have to get up-“, Charlie whisper-shouted at him and finally, he opened his eyes a crack. She had expected the same horrified expression to twist his features as soon as he realised where he was, but instead she was met by a broad grin.  
  
“Morning, Mrs Grumpy. And there I was, hoping you'd let me sleep in.”  
  
He had a good yawn before he propped himself up on his elbow. Their knees still touched and his fingers had brushed down to rest on her upper thigh. Charlie simply stared at him until she couldn't restrain herself any longer.  
  
“You can wipe that bloody smile off your face!” she blurted. “This can't be happening- your wife's my bloody friend, in case you forgot. I can't be doing this to her-“  
  
She gestured wildly but John caught her hands in an attempt to clear things up. “Char- will you stop that fuss? Nothing happened, alright? Will you just look at us? We're almost completely dressed.”  
  
Immediately Charlie fell silent but threw back their covers to check on their state of clothing. Except for their trousers everything else was still in place. She let out a big sigh of relief and felt how the shock was instantly replaced by embarrassment as she fell back into the pillows and covered her face with her hands. John chuckled lowly and slumped down next to her to wait for the inevitable question.  
  
“What happened?” she finally mumbled.  
  
“Well, it looks like you can't handle that Solomons stuff. Two glasses and you were out of it”, he grinned. “So I carried you home, put you to bed and got a cool cloth for your bruise.”  
  
She peeked through her fingers. “And why are you still here?”  
  
His smile faltered and she could have sworn that his cheeks blushed slightly. ”You didn't want to be alone”, he muttered, clearing his throat. She lowered her hands and raised her eyebrows at him. “You- you didn't want me to leave. Look, you've done this a hundred times for me back then, even though I knew it was hard on you. So it was about time that I returned the favour. I just had no idea that you still feel like-“  
  
“Don't, please.” Charlie's eyes had gone wide again, imagining all the things she'd babbled out in her drunken state.  
  
“Don't say it, alright? There's no need, it won't change anything and really I don't want anything to change.”  
  
He shot her an uncertain look, doubtful especially about her last words, so he wasn't ready to let her off the hook just yet.  
  
“Char, you know if things had been different-“  
  
Her head went bright red and she had already opened her mouth so John changed his course. “I love Esme, I'm bloody thankful for her, you know that. But you're still my best friend, and that's really not gonna change if I can help it. When Tommy told me about his plans for sending you down to London, I panicked ‘cause by now, I don't know how to function anymore if you're not around.”  
  
Charlie swallowed hard, wishing he'd stop and go on at the same time. He caught her eyes and held her gaze firmly.  
  
“So yeah, if things had been different, Char, if timing had been on our side just once, I would have bloody married you. But in any case, you'd still be my best friend.”  
  
She pressed her lips together into a thin line trying to hide what his words did to her. It was no good, he knew anyway. So she released that shaky breath, she now realised she was holding and answered his searching look with a small kiss to his cheek.  
  
“Thanks for last night”, she mumbled and shuffled out from under the covers. “I got to get ready for work.”  
  
“I'll drive you”, he called after her as she made her way towards the bathroom. “We won't leave until noon.”  
  
  
Charlie watched unfamiliar faces and houses flying by the window of the car as John rushed down the streets of Camden Town. It really wasn't that far to the bakery from Ada's house, she'd be able to walk the distance in a good twenty minutes. But John had insisted and as it dawned on her that this would be the last time she'd see him in a while, she wasn't quite ready to say goodbye just yet.  
  
She could barely think of a day they hadn't seen each other over the last few years. Whenever she came to the betting shop in the morning, he'd greet her with a little peck to the forehead. When they worked a job on the streets together, she felt at ease and strangely safe, knowing that she wouldn't have to watch her back as she relied on that blind trust in him. And if they'd be so busy that they would miss each other altogether, Charlie knew that on the third day at the latest, he'd show up on her doorstep and drag her down to the Garrison for a late nightcap. Equally, Esme had grown close to her heart, especially since Ada had moved away. So she'd listen to the stories she told her about life on the road while they sat at the cut and let pebbles dance across the surface of the water.  
  
But whenever John and Esme would invite her over for dinner, she'd try to come up with an excuse. Charlie would take on a man twice her size without hesitation, but when it came down to sitting at their table, surrounded by their kids at their house, she still couldn't help the urge to run as far and as fast as she could. Two years hadn't changed a thing about the way she felt for John. It was fucking stupid, it had to get better. It had to subside eventually, she told herself time and again, waiting impatiently for that day when she'd be able to sit at their table and feel nothing but peace. It still hadn't come. So maybe, just maybe not seeing him for a while would actually give her the time and space she needed to set her head straight.  
  
“Char? Before you go, I got something for you.”  
  
She hadn't noticed that John had parked the car at the side of the road and started fumbling with his coat pocket. Now he pulled out a small item wrapped in brown paper that he placed in Charlie's hand.  
  
“'tis just a late birthday present.”  
  
“My birthday was two months ago Johnny, and really that puppy you almost got me was present enough”, she chuckled.  
  
“Yeah, I might haven’t thought that entirely through”, John grinned in response, “But Curly's crazy about him and takes good care of him. Will you open it already?”  
  
Charlie quickly ripped the paper open, crumbling it to the side and revealed a brand-new knuckleduster that carried her engraved initials. She let her finger brush over the little C.A., unable to tear her gaze away in that moment. John cleared his throat and watched her carefully.  
  
“We trained so hard, your left hook is almost as strong as your right, now. So I figured you could use a second one. Besides, I feel a bit calmer the more weapons you carry.”  
  
“John-“, she held on firmly to the cool metal and shot him a teasing look.  
  
“Oh come on, as if you don't worry when I work a job without you.”  
  
She pretended to think about this for a couple of seconds but eventually shrugged her shoulders in agreement. That was when the expression on his face grew more serious and his voice went quieter. “There are different rules down here, Char, and you don't know who you can trust. Just promise me that you'll try to be safe, alright?”  
  
The honest concern that stood in his eyes made her chest clench and so she simply nodded once before she drew him into a tight hug. He returned the embrace and hid his face in the crook of her neck, unwilling to let her go. But then the clock of the nearby church struck nine and made Charlie jump.  
  
“Oh gotta go, can't be late on my first day”, she exclaimed, placing another quick kiss on his cheek and already climbing out of the car.  
  
“Give us a ring once you get home tonight. Finn wanted to talk to you”, John called after her and watched how she waved at him, a big smile on her face. “I'll miss you!” he added a little louder just as she vanished behind the wooden door of the bakery.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A rough start.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys, this chapter nearly got the best of me! There was so much I wanted to include and that's why it has turned out to be more than twice as long as all the ones before. It's a rough one for Charlie and I didn't want it to end in a bad place for her. Thanks to every single one of you for sticking with this story. The next chapter is going to be brighter and Alfie-heavy.   
> But enjoy this one and if you feel like it, share your thoughts with me! x

Charlie's eyes flitted over to the small clock on the wall opposite of her to check the time once again. 9:08. It's been seven minutes since she had entered Alfie's office and she was still waiting for him to acknowledge her presence. His gaze was firmly fixed on a stack of papers in his hands, his feet propped up to rest on the wooden surface of his desk, his half-moon glasses sitting on the tip of his nose. He was so absorbed in the content of the documents that he hadn't bothered to look up at her or offer her a seat. So Charlie stood and waited. Which was alright with her as long as she managed to stifle a smile as she watched him unconsciously mouthing the most important things he read in an act of memorising them.  
  
Alfie had no clue what he was pretending to read. Well, he knew that he was holding a recent stocking and order list of his barrel supplier, but his eyes had just passed the same sentence for the fourth time without grasping its meaning. What fazed him was her response to this test that usually yielding far different reactions. Whenever he would order somebody to his office to then ignore him altogether, it only took about five minutes until that poor bastard was dripping with sweat, his gaze desperately fixed on the wall to avoid any eye contact with him. Everybody knew Alfie's silences were dangerous. So they'd spend the endlessly passing seconds imagining what they had possibly done wrong and worse, what Alfie was going to do about it. When he then turned to them, they'd be in such a state of distraught that they'd agree to anything Alfie offered them that would let them leave his office in one piece. Reputation and fear were powerful allies and Alfie had mastered playing them to his advantage. And still, he could feel how she studied him, how her eyes lingered on his features, how instead of growing increasingly nervous the longer she waited she rather seemed to relax with every passing minute. He hadn't intended to turn her into a quivering mess but he had certainly wanted to put a damper on her cheeky tongue. _Fuck this, new tactic._   
  
“You see, Miss Anderson, normally I wouldn't do this but there is this girl I once knew.”   
  
He pushed his glasses up his nose with his index finger but still refused to look up at her. Instead he went on pretending that the papers were of greater interest to him, knowing that he had her unrestricted attention.   
  
“Wild thing, she was. Always outspoken, carried her heart on her tongue. Dazzled almost everyone she met but restless as fuck. Nobody could tame her, wouldn't take an order or advice. Real shame when my men found her sliced open in the gutter, wasn't it.”  
  
He could feel her shifting from one foot to the other one and knew that his story had the desired effect.   
  
“So considering the state of your face, I ask you once again if you'd like someone to escort you home after work.”  
  
1inally he lifted his gaze to meet her eyes. What she hadn't noticed was the quick once-over he'd given her when Olli had held the office door for her as she had entered. What she also didn't know was that Alfie knew very well what had happened down in his pub last night and he didn't plan on sharing that knowledge with her. He had met her unprepared once. That wouldn't happen again. What was still beyond him, though, was why a girl would willingly throw herself at some of the most dangerous men of London. Was she simply doing it for some kind of thrill or could she pose an actual threat? She drew her lower lip into her mouth and Alfie saw that she chose her answer carefully.   
  
“I'm sorry for your loss, Mister Solomons. She sure sounds special.”  
  
The corner of his mouth twitched but he didn't interrupt her.  
  
”I'm aware that this isn't Birmingham, that being a Blinder hasn't got the same impact here yet. But I can assure you, that I know how to defend myself. If you don't believe me, just ask Tommy, please.”   
  
Her words were calm and composed, the expression on her face earnestly trying to make him understand. When he offered her a simple grunt in response, she relaxed noticeably and suddenly that brazen spark returned to her eyes.  
  
“I have to compliment you on your choice of chairs, though.”  
  
That caught him off-guard.   
  
“Very solid and heavy. Hurt as hell if they hit you on the head.”  
  
Alright, so she couldn't help but let him know how she had gotten that bruise.   
  
“Lovely place as well”, she went on, a grin by now spreading over her features. “Would love to go there one day for pleasure instead of business.”  
  
His eyebrows shot up in surprise. Was that- was that an invitation? Or was she simply trying to make it clear that she had actually been working a job? Alfie tried his hardest to hide that she had managed to baffle him for the second time today and instead grabbed another stack of papers that he shoved towards her.   
  
“Your work for today. There are three shipments that you need to double-check. They won't leave this place without your permission.”  
  
She accepted the paperwork and quickly skimmed through it as he continued. “Olli will show you your office. If you got any further questions, ask him. Now fu-“  
  
“Fuck off?” she smiled brightly, beating him to it. “With pleasure, sir. Have a good day.”   
  
With that, she turned on the spot and marched off, leaving Alfie to look after her quite speechlessly.  
  
  
Charlie's first few weeks at the bakery were simply put quite awful. Which wasn't due to Alfie - in fact the only times at work when she felt like she could finally catch her breath was when she entered his office to coordinate deliveries with him. Still, these meetings never took long so she was soon back stuck in a daily routine that was intermitted by catcalls, snide remarks and assaults. She had hoped (and secretly expected) that the bakery would be filled with the same air of respect that hung over the betting shop, where none of the guys would dare to even look askance at Polly and therefore didn't think about taking offence at her or Esme working side by side with them. But that wasn't the case here and so she was met somewhat unprepared by the workers' degree of hostility. It started out with a row of lewd remarks which soon turned into implicit threats whenever one or two of them caught her alone, revealing that the majority of the men didn't want her in the bakery much less in a superior position. Still, she thought she could have handled this, unwilling to give a toss about any of their comments, had they just done their work. But that was where it got problematic.   
  
Of all of the men, she maybe knew about five from working with them back home but then she rarely ever caught sight of them. Tommy had went to great lengths to recruit strangers - soldiers that worked for money, men that much like Alfie's bakers refused to take an order from a woman. So whenever Billy Kitchen marched into her office to blow off steam over why that last shipment was still blocking the storage room or why that batch of parts wasn't packed up yet, she had to try and convince him that she had already given the respective orders on the day before. It was tiring and unnerving at the same time, and quite senseless because they found themselves in the same position time and again. That she felt increasingly homesick on top of that didn't help in the least to gain a better foothold. It was just that she really missed John and Polly and Finn, and Esme and Arthur and Curly's gentle nature - _and dear_ , she missed John.   
  
She called home regularly but since Tommy wanted to be reassured that business was running smoothly, she put on a strong display and kept her own troubles a secret even from John, who would probably wreak havoc in his brother's office, had he known what was going on.   
Living with Ada was the bright spot that she clung to in her London's grey. She'd save some dinner for her whenever Charlie got home late and sometimes even stayed up to examine the dark circles under her eyes and her slumped posture. Then she'd wrap her up in a blanket and run soothing fingers through her hair while she told her once again about that vacant job at her library. Charlie would listen in silent attentiveness, knowing very well that she could only ever abandon Tommy if someone put a bullet in her head. But she appreciated her friend's concern, so instead of turning her down, she'd try and distract her by asking after Karl.   
And then one day when Ada found a ripped up blouse and skirt among Charlie's clothes, she knew it must have escalated.  
  


Charlie was counting barrels in one of the rooms that was so rarely used that a thick layer of dust covered everything in it. Her eyes wandered across the wooden panels as her pen ran simultaneously over the pad in her hands. She was so absorbed in her task to make sure that she wouldn't lose count that she didn't notice the swift movement behind her. Suddenly two hands grabbed her by the upper arms and pushed her forward with such force that she felt like she was hit by a car. Her head hit wood and dust as a heavy, sweaty body pressed her up against the stack in front of her, barely leaving her enough room to breathe.   
  
_Bloody hell-  
_   
She still had trouble catching up on what was actually happening when a greasy voice sneered close to her ear, “If you keep quiet sweetheart, I'll promise to make this quick.”  
  
She felt how he eased his grip on one of her arms as he started fumbling with the buckle of his belt and knew that this might be her only chance. Charlie took a determined step back, running the heel of her boot forcefully down on his shoe, which made him howl in pain while she reached for her knife that was strapped to her upper thigh. She heard her skirt ripping as she spun around and drove her knee with all her might up to his crotch but she couldn't give less of a damn. Within seconds he was on the ground, both of his hands holding his testicles while tears started swelling in the corners of his eyes. Charlie bent down to grab him by the hair and let her blade taste the skin of his throat. He hissed as it gave in to the slightest touch, revealing a thin stream of blood.  
  
“If you should ever try that again”, Charlie growled, “I promise I'll take my sweet time to cut your fucking balls off.”   
  
She shoved him away from her, sending a twirl of dust flying as he hit the ground again and then gathered up her pen and pad to march off furiously.  
  
  
When Charlie entered the bakery the next morning, she was determined to make anyone pay who dared to provoke her. That incident wouldn't repeat itself, things were about to change. She wore her gun in its holster above her blouse, even though usually she tried to do without, still feeling more comfortable with her knife and knuckledusters. But John was right, the more weapons she carried the better at the moment. She also wore trousers again today - fuck Tommy's advice of wearing bloodstain-free clothes for 'proper' business. Yesterday she had hit bottom. It couldn't get much worse than that. All the more surprised she was when a quiet knock on the door of her office at noon introduced Olli who put his head around the corner.   
  
“Boss wants to see you. Ahm- right now.”   
  
He didn't meet her eye and seemed fidgety but as he was holding the door open, prompting her to follow him, she didn't get the chance to ask any questions. On their way down the corridor, he stayed two steps ahead of her and as soon as he had delivered her to Alfie's office, he couldn't get away quick enough.   
Alfie's eyes were fixed on her from the moment she closed the door behind her. Charlie swallowed hard when she sensed the tension that immediately cloaked the room. This was the first time she was genuinely nervous in his presence as she had no idea what was about to happen next. Alfie pointed to the chair opposite him and waited for her to take a seat before he asked the only question he wanted to get off his chest.   
  
“What happened yesterday?”   
  
Charlie's eyebrows shot up in surprise, stunned by how he had possibly caught a hint of it, but she was quick to answer. While she talked, he propped up his elbows on the armrests of his chair, letting his fingertips meet in front of his chest. Charlie held his searching gaze, her voice as restrained as she managed to stay. Once she was finished, Alfie narrowed his eyes and nodded slightly to himself. Seconds passed in silence in which neither of them broke the eye contact before he eventually heaved a heavy sigh.   
  
“You see Charlotte, the reason why I had to interrupt you at your work is that fucking things like these- they can't happen in my bakery. Problem now is that the bloke who acted like that biggest fuckin’ prick is running around trying to explain to his mates that it was you who jumped him.”   
  
Charlie's jaw dropped open and Alfie leaned forwards, pointing a finger at her.   
  
“He's telling them that you jumped him, assaulted him for whatever fuckin’ reason and they just swallow it like a bloody Sunday roast, and that's- that's another thing that can't happen in my bakery.”  
  
Exactly three more seconds passed in a state of paralysis and then Charlie exploded.   
  
“You've got to be bloody joking-“, she blurted out. “I should have just cut his fuckin’ balls off right then and there! That would have given him a fuckin’ story to tell!”   
Her head went bright red as she jumped to her feet and started pacing the room, mania distorting her face.   
  
“If I just so much as lay eyes on him again, I will-“  
  
Suddenly she interrupted herself and turned back to Alfie. “What are you going to do about it?”   
  
Eagerness replaced some of the anger in her expression as she waited for his reaction. What happened then caught her off-guard. Thunder clouded Alfie's face so quickly that Charlie backed away instinctively. He slammed the surface of his desk with both of his fists as he jolted out of his chair, his eyes narrowing threateningly this time.   
  
“What am I going to do about it? What am I-“, he rumbled, seemingly growing several inches as he towered over her, his outburst putting Charlie's to shame.   
  
“You are his fuckin’ superior officer! It's your duty to keep them in line. If they don't respect you, then FUCKIN MAKE THEM!! And if you can't, then I don't bloody know what Shelby was thinking when he sent you down here.”  
  
Charlie felt as if a punch was draining the air from her lungs. They both breathed raggedly and while she couldn't bring herself to look away, she was sure that she was shrinking further and further under his gaze. Finally, she averted her eyes, mumbled an excuse and simply tried to get away without making it look like she was fleeing from him. Which she was, in fact.   
  
There was nothing to add to what he'd said, which meant she was back to square one, on her own and without a plan on how to proceed. Halfway down the corridor, her knees suddenly started to feel wobbly and she cursed herself under her breath to make it back to her office before they gave out.  
She also couldn't just run around and pull her gun on people to make them do their work, because eventually they would gang up on her and shut her up by any means necessary. So much had become clear to her during Alfie's outburst. But that also meant that she had nothing, nothing but that black hole in her stomach growing to swallow her whole. God, she really missed home and Polly and Finn and... and John.   
  
  
It was two days later, when help knocked on the door of her office unexpectedly. Charlie didn't get the chance to respond as Olli already pushed himself inside and flashed her a crooked smile when he closed the door behind him.   
  
“Look, I don't have much time, I'm supposed to check on the pub on Berkley Road. But I think you should know about this-“   
  
He started fumbling with his pocket and drew out a folded piece of paper. “It's one of our rarely used warehouses. Go there tonight and show them that you belong here.”   
  
Charlie stared at the simple number scribbled in dark ink and couldn't decide which one of the countless questions in her head she wanted to ask first. When she lifted her head to meet Olli's eyes, he answered with an encouraging nod.   
  
“You do a good job.”  
  
 Then he turned around and added already back on his way out, “But don't tell anyone that I tipped you off. Especially not Alfie.”  
  
  
A single beam of light crept out of the boarded up window of warehouse number 22. Charlie stood up on tiptoes and held onto the windowsill to sneak a peek inside. Wooden boxes and barrels had been pushed to the sides to make room for about forty men standing in a large circle. The air was filled with a tickling thrill of excitement and loud, often explicit cheering that surpassed much of what she'd experienced at the racetracks. Three men seemed to collect money. They were the loudest, doing their rounds, taking notes and yelling odds and offers. And then as the wall of broad backs that blocked a better view from the window drifted slightly apart, Charlie caught a glimpse of two bare-chested men facing each other at the heart of the circle. It was a makeshift boxing match.   
She lowered herself back into the shadows, her mind racing to try and come to a decision. Olli wouldn't send her here if he hadn't thought that she could actually stand a chance, right... right? There was only one way to find out and that one might be her only shot - to meet them at eye level, to earn her place in front of enough witnesses that no lies could cast a pall over what had really happened. In that moment Tommy's and Alfie's words came back to her and she tried to suppress that nervous tingle in her insides with determination. She was going to make them see why she was a Blinder.  
  
  
Nobody took notice of Charlie when she set foot in the warehouse. Her heart was hammering against her ribcage while she was still trying to convince herself that this was actually a wise thing to do.  
  
“Oi, whatcha doin’ here?”   
  
Charlie's head shot around and she met the disapproving eyes of one of the bookies for the night. Instantly she tried to straighten herself, make herself taller to radiate an air of confidence.   
  
“I want in”, she gave back firmly. “I want to fight.”   
  
He scoffed in response and simply shook his head. “Go back to your desk, sweetie. Or better even, home to your stove. This is no place for you.”   
  
But Charlie didn't budge. She started fumbling with the pocket of her trousers and taking another step forward, she pulled out a wad of money. “I said, I want in. These are twelve pounds. On me.”   
  
She could feel the other men standing close to them shifting as she attracted their attention, but kept her gaze fixed on the bookie as she waited for him to take the offer. It was her entire wage from two weeks, everything she had to buy food and support Ada with the house. _This better works out._ That was when one of the men to Charlie's left chipped in.   
  
“Ay, I'm in! One pound on the lady.”   
  
She looked at him in surprise and realised that it was one of the few peaky boys she had worked with back on the racetracks. He offered her a nod and an encouraging smile.   
  
“Don't make me laugh!”, a second man blurted out. “Two pounds on the guy who fights her. No matter who it is, but put that money on him.”   
  
Suddenly word of her presence spread like a wildfire amongst the spectators, who had the bookie cornered so quickly to place their bets that he had no choice other than calling Charlie's name up next. She took off her gun in its holster and handed it to the peaky man, whom she trusted not to use it against her before multiple hands pushed her through the crowd to the middle of the room. Her hands were covered in cold sweat and her insides were so tensed up that she felt like she could have thrown up right then and there.   
But then she laid eyes on the group of waiting fighters on the other side of the room and in an instant her nervousness was replaced by blind rage that burned its way through her guts and deafened the surrounding noises and bawling to her ears. Second in line was the scumbag who had tried to rape her. She clenched her fists so hard that her knuckles turned white and her breathing became rapid. It had just gotten personal. She had troubles tearing her gaze away from his sneering face when her first opponent approached her. He was bare-chested like all of the fighters and so Charlie decided in a rash action to take her blouse off. The hooting just got louder even though she was still wearing her bra and a vest, but she needed the room to move. With a swift motion, both of her knuckledusters were in place and she lifted her fists to signal that she was ready when her opponent took a step back.   
  
“Forget about that, sweetheart. Rules say, no weapons allowed.”  
  
“ So you're afraid of fighting a girl, aren't ya?”, Charlie shot back. “Look I'll take one off to make you feel better, alright? And then you can run home and tell your mummy about the girl who beat your arse.”   
  
His nostrils flared and she knew she had hit a sweet spot. Attacking their pride would cause any one of these men to overestimate themselves. She just had to take advantage of that. So Charlie let the old knuckleduster slide back into her pocket and adjusted her new one on her right hand. It fitted perfectly.   
  
The referee blew a whistle and within a split second she had to duck down as he brisked up to her. His first punch hit thin air, but its force let him stumble forward. It was Charlie's chance. She bobbed up in a half-turn, covered the distance between them with a big step and aimed at his lower back. The pain that surged through his kidneys drove him to his knees while the crowd roared in protest. Their shouting brought him back to his feet, his face still twisted with pain. Again he lunged forward, but Charlie realised that he couldn't stand up straight so she could easily dodge his blow, instead grabbing him by the wrist and yanking him in her direction as she punched him in the solar plexus. It drove the air out of his lungs and the strength out of his bones, so that he staggered sideways. But Charlie didn't let up. This time the knuckleduster hit his face, metal bursting skin open and dislocating his jaw. It finished him off. He threw one of his arms up in surrender and the referee blew the final whistle. At once the suspense which had held the room firmly in its grip erupted in ear-splitting noise as most of the spectators who betted against Charlie were trying to get their money back.   
  
“She didn't even take a punch!”   
  
“Ed's a horrible fighter, anyway.”   
  
“That was pure luck, she couldn't pull that off again!”   
  
Normally the bookies would ask the winner of a match whether he was in for another round or wanted his share, but Charlie's mind was elsewhere. She overheard most of the comments, didn't notice the tumult around her and instead was solely focused on the next fighter in line.   
  
“You”, she said, pointing at him. “It's your fuckin’ turn.”  
  
Cold fury gathered like storm clouds inside of her. She wanted to make him suffer, wanted to see him bleed. He hadn't been the first guy who had tried to have his way with her, but he was first who had turned her into the offender when she had been the victim. She was ready to release hell on him. The turmoil around them subsided as all eyes focused on them now.   
  
“You still haven't got enough, pet?”, he jeered, moving sideways to circle her. “You were lucky that I didn't report you to the big boss. He wouldn't be too happy about some tart stepping out of line.”   
  
“Believe me”, Charlie growled, barely able to contain herself any longer. “If that tall story of yours was true, you wouldn't have made it out alive. ‘Cause that's what you get when you dare to fuck with a peaky Blinder.”   
  
He stopped dead in his tracks, tensed up and narrowed his eyes, taking her provocation just the way she wanted it. The entire room was dead quiet for the fraction of a minute before the referee blew his whistle again and Charlie lunged at him. Her right fist met his cheek, but he was quick to react, blocking her next punch and dodging another one. Suddenly he took a step to the left while aiming at Charlie's chin at the same time. His blow knocked her head backwards and she groaned in pain, the metallic taste of blood spreading through her mouth. She spit it out and took a sharp breath, ready to launch into a second attack when she noticed his scornful grin.   
  
“That'll teach your dirty mouth a lesson”, he scoffed but Charlie already darted at him another time. She was blinded by rage, driven by the thirst for revenge - and reacted too late.   
Taking advantage of the force that impelled her, he ducked away at the last moment and tripped her up so that she flew forwards and was barely caught by some of the bystanders. They were quick to push her back into the ring accompanied by some gloating remarks.   
  
_Fuckin hell-_  
  
She needed to concentrate, she needed to get a grip. If this was just another hour of training with John, what would she do? Suddenly a smirk spread over her face and her senses seemed sharpened. And then she waited. Her fists lifted in anticipation, her shoulders hunched but she waited until he had fired off another row of insults and grew impatient. She needed him to make the move, and when he did, it was over for him. She let herself fall to the ground, aiming a heavy whack at his kneecap, which cracked in protest while he howled in agony. It brought him down right next to her and as soon as his back hit the dirt, she was onto him.   
  
  
He was hiding in the shadows at the upper banister. Once again he had to doubt the attentiveness of his workers when he had found the back door of the warehouse unlocked but tonight it played to his advantage. He came to watch her, he wanted to see for himself. Olli might had thought that these matches were the best kept secret of his staff, but he knew far more than any of them suspected. Including that neither of them should mess with that peaky girl.   
  
He watched her in silent attention, watched how she sat on top of her assaulter, pinning him down with her body weight and bashing his head in. He watched how she broke his nose, how she knocked two of his teeth out, how blood poured in streams down his face, how he tried to tap out but she wouldn't give in. He saw the madness in her eyes, her face, her whole posture, how it fuelled her, how it forced her to keep going, how it ate her up. He witnessed all of that and felt strangely calm and at rest.   
Finally three of his men rushed forward to drag her off of her opponent and as that wild expression turned into shock and realisation, he felt the strong urge to gather her up and carry her out of here. He didn't, though. Two more men examined the state of the damage she'd done and announced that that bleeding pile of flesh was still breathing. He huffed. It wouldn't have been much of a loss.   
  
  
Charlie's breathing was still fitful, her heart hammering as if it was about to burst out of her chest when her gaze followed the two men helping her opponent to his feet and carrying him to the side. The stillness that cloaked the room was almost palpable and only interrupted by his coughs and groans. Suddenly a chuckle that came from behind her dissolved some of the lingering tension and offered a sense of relief. When Charlie turned around she saw the other peaky man, who had betted on her, nudging his friend.   
  
“Well, that should teach him not to pick a fight with his superior officer again.”   
  
He offered her a grin and a wink while an approving nod spread through their ranks. That was when one of the bookies appeared in front of her, eagerly counting a bundle of money.   
  
“So that'd be yours - or third time lucky?”   
  
He pointed over her shoulder where the next fighter had already taken position. Charlie was sure that she was straining her neck when she tried to look up at him. He was easily twice her size, a mountain of muscles and strength so impressive that she felt herself shrinking just standing next to him. Wordlessly she took her share from the bookie, counted twelve pounds, shoved them into her pocket and offered the rest to the giant.  
  
“I might be mad, but I'm not stupid”, she said, grinning up at him. “I surrender.”  
  
He mirrored her smile almost immediately and as he accepted the money, he patted her on the shoulder.   
  
“That's alright, most of them aren't wise enough and try it anyway.”   
  
Charlie sensed the last bit of tension crumbling away and suddenly she was so very tired. So she picked up her blouse, wrapped it around her shoulders and collected her gun from the fellow Blinder. Then she made her way to the door and feeling their collective eye on her, she once again straightened her back and held her head high.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Business and pleasure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sending a ton of thank yous and hugs to everyone who left comments, kudos or other lovely feedback! I'm so grateful for all of it!  
> This took a while since I had a nasty cold but again it turned out to be longer than most of the other chapters.  
> Enjoy this one, I had so much fun writing it! x

It had been two days since the boxing match and Charlie had the morning off since she expected to stay especially late today to handle a last minute shipment. The house was peacefully quiet as Ada had already left for work and dropped off Karl at one of their elderly neighbours, who'd take care of him until she got back from the library.   
Still Charlie had to kiss her initial plan of sleeping in goodbye when the telephone started to shrill in the downstairs living room, waking her with a start. She clambered out of bed, blindly feeling for a robe that she wrapped herself up in as she practically fell down the stairs to pick up the earpiece in time.

“At- at Shelby's“, she yawned, rubbing her heavy eyelids as the squinted against the bright daylight that fell in through the curtains. There was a small pause on the other end, which was finally followed by an amused snort.

“Char, it's ten thirty in the morning. It's almost lunch time- did I just wake you?“

“Johnny, hey- I- no, no I've been up for hours“, she gave back, trying to stifle another yawn as she felt some heat rising to her cheeks. She was sure that he was just mentally assembling a list of quips for sleeping in on a workday. Instead he responded with a low chuckle and another question.

“What does your boss have to say about this?“

“Well, hand the phone to your brother and I'll ask him“, she shot right back, a grin spreading over her face as she knew very well that he was referring to a certain London-based baker.

“In case you're talking about Alfie, whom I work with and not for“, she added quickly before he could start the teasing, “he isn't expecting me before one today. Said something about how I deserved it or the likes of it.“

Silence on the other end of the line, and then, “Are you sure you're alright, Char?“

His voice was quiet now, every hint of amusement replaced by an edge of concern.

“You didn't- last time we talked, you sounded strained. Not like yourself. Also, you said you would call last weekend and you didn't.“

Her smile grew soft and she felt that familiar warmth spreading through her chest.

“I'm alright now, Johnny, I promise. It's gotten better. A lot better, in fact. But I'll tell you all of it once I get home on Friday.“

"That's why I'm calling actually", he said quickly, more eagerly now. "You can't come up this weekend. Tommy won't be around and he wants Arthur and me to come down to pay a visit to the racetracks on Sunday. So we'll take you out and we get to see each other anyway."

He sounded pretty satisfied with himself but Charlie couldn't help but feel a ping of disappointment clenching her throat. She was glad that she’d be able to see the two of them of course, but she had still been looking forward to playing cards with Polly and Finn, to helping Curly with the horses, to her own room which continued to feel more like home than any place in London. 

He must had sensed her hesitation because seconds later he added gently, "You'll be home for Finn's birthday in two weeks in any case. That's all set, trust me, yeah?"

"Yeah, of course- of course, I trust you, Johnny", she smiled, her mood brightening instantly at the prospect of Finn's reaction to the present she'd already gotten him.

"Alright, then you might want to delve into Ada's wardrobe", he suggested. "Word is that these London races are a lot fancier than the ones up here."

"What's that supposed to mean?", she retorted, meaning to suppress a snicker, which wasn't crowned by success. "Am I not fuckin' fancy enough for you, Shelby?"

Instead of answering, he burst out in gleeful laughter, which was so genuine that it sent a surge of happiness through Charlie that only John ever seemed to be able to elicit.

 

 

It was the evening of the same day and Charlie was just signing the last documents when she heard his deep rumble booming down the corridor.

  
"Ollie! Ollie, for fuck's sake- get your fuckin' arse in here!"

She looked up, putting her pen to the side and pondered her options. Ollie had left about an hour ago when Alfie had still been out and about and both of them were fairly certain that he wouldn't come back in today. It had been past nine after all. She listened intently for another vital sign of him, trying to decide whether he possibly just wanted to wreak his anger on somebody or was actually in need of help when another stream of curses disrupted the anticipatory silence. With that, she stood, turned off the light on her desk and hurried down the hallway. She entered Alfie's office without knocking - and gasped audibly as she turned around and laid eyes on him. On his forehead gushed a broad cut, sending trickles of blood down his face, which gave his furious grimace a raving edge.

"What are you- where the hell is Ollie?"

He was fumbling with a whole heap of dirty cloths that looked like they had treated many wounds before. Within two heartbeats, Charlie was by his side, ignoring his question and instead hectically searching for a reasonably clean piece of fabric. It was only then that she realised that another long cut gaped at his left palm. She cursed under her breath and pressed her own hand to it to stop the bleeding. He groaned but held against it, watching her as she felt for her knife and pointed to his shirt. They exchanged a look and then a wordless nod before Charlie let go of his hand to quickly cut off one of the sleeves. She wrapped part of it tightly around his palm and then turned to inspect his forehead. The gash didn't seem to be particularly deep but all the more broad and so she set to cleaning it with the rest of his sleeve and a couple drops of rum from the bottle he kept in his drawer.

"I know I'm not Ollie, but will you tell me what happened?", she asked quietly, her fingers moving carefully to not brush against the sore skin all too often. At first he only grunted but then she heard him mumble something like "Fuckin' Italians."

Her hands stilled, waiting for him to go on and he heaved a sigh.

"Had a meeting with a new buyer, owns a pub that one. Should have been my territory - no, it was my territory. ... Four of them. I don't think they had orders, just a couple pints and big mouths as they had me outnumbered. Well, it didn't do them any good." 

Charlie didn't need to ask what had happened to Sabini's men. She felt a small lump forming in her throat as some of the rumors about Alfie crossed her mind but she resumed her work without letting anything show. When she had almost cleaned all of the blood from his face, she realised that he was peeking up at her, studying her features.

"What is it?", Charlie prompted, scratching the last bit of red off of his temple.

"How bad is it?", he asked back, although he didn't seem too worried about the state of his injuries. So Charlie stifled a smile and said with only the slightest hint of amusement in her voice, "Oh I think you're just barely going to make it."

Then she took a step back so that she could meet his eyes and dead-panned, "Still, I'm no nurse, never have been. So I wouldn't count on it if I were you."

A moment passed in utter silence and then the most unexpected thing happened. A broad grin split Alfie's face and it felt as if with it the entire room lit up in warmth and comfort. It was strangely out of place to see him out of all people smile like this and yet so infectious that Charlie felt her breath hitch for a split second before she found herself grinning back like a fool. His eyes lingered on her lips for longer than necessary but then he cleared his throat and pointed to a cupboard opposite of his desk.

"There might be some clean bandages in there. They would probably increase my chances of surviving, now wouldn't they?"

Charlie nodded in response, unable to tuck her smile away just yet and uttered a little sound of triumph when she found what she was looking for. She dressed his wounds with trained fingers, brushing the calloused skin of his palm carefully as she tightened the last bandage.

"In fact, Charlotte-", he started, "in fact I'm glad that you showed up instead of fuckin' Ollie, who's probably sound asleep in his little boy's bed by now, isn't he?"

Her hands stilled and she looked up at him.

"I need to ask for another favour."

Her eyes grew a notch wider and her fingers clenched around his wrist.

"Do you have plans for Friday night?"

Confusion flitted over her face but she shook her head. "As of this morning, no, not anymore."

Alfie could hear the hint of disappointment in her voice but decided not to probe into it. Instead he explained, "Sabini's new club opens on Friday and considering everything that has happened today, it's time to set a fuckin' sign."

'Wait, so you've just been beaten up by his men on your own territory and now you intend to cross the line and hand yourself to him on a silver platter?"

She settled back against his desk, an incredulous look on her face. Alfie scratched his beard with his uninjured hand and leaned forward.

"We're at war, Charlotte, so this is exactly what I need to do. If I lay low, swallow the beating, he's going to think everything here, all of this is there for the fuckin' taking. So I'm going to go to his own fuckin' club, make some noise, see if I can bribe the person who runs it for him and maybe even claim the place. That'll keep him on his toes."

Charlie was about to object something when he moved the wrist she was still holding onto. She caught herself and let go as if she'd just burned herself.

“It‘s just going to be the two of us that evening", he added, studying her reaction closely. "That way, everyone will think we're purely there for pleasure when we're actually sending a message."

"What if Sabini's there himself?", Charlie asked quietly. The corner of Alfie's mouth tugged upwards.

"Too many witnesses to shoot us. Besides, we're not acting as a treat but as if we just want to spend the evening there."

His fingertips brushed the knuckles of the hand she used to support herself against the table.

"If", he said slowly, "if something should go wrong then I know that you could handle yourself. See, that's why I'm asking you."

She knew that this was proof of the trust he seemed to put in her and that if this evening was supposed to turn out as he planned, she needed to return just that - trust. Something churned inside of her even though she couldn't quite place a finger on it. Suddenly he started fumbling with the pocket of his trousers as if he had just thought of something else.

"Since this is your very valuable time that you'd put in, this offer of course includes compensation-"

"Alfie, no, seriously-", she lifted a hand to stop him, "you're not going to pay me for pretending to take me out. That'd feel- weird."   
She scrunched up her face but went on. "Let's just say you owe me a drink and-", in that moment he caught glimpse of that cheeky glint in her eyes again, "-and a dance."

Now Alfie might have been a lot of things but a dancer was surely never one of them. And still that look she gave him as she waited for his response, the one that was oozing confidence and challenge, daring him so temptingly that there was no way to resist - it was that look that brought a crooked smile to his face for the second time today and made him offer his hand to accept the deal.

 

 

It was a posh club equipped with luxurious furnishings, an impressive chandelier and the most expensive choice of drinks Charlie had ever laid eyes on. She had taken John's advice to heart, letting Ada pick her outfit for the night, which turned out to be a dark blue, sleeveless shift dress that ended right above the knees with the waist dropped to the hip. Alfie at least had made a little sound of appreciation when she had climbed in at the back of his car, settling on the seat next to him.

"Hello darling", she had greeted him, testing the feel of it on her tongue and then giggled to herself when he had raised his eyebrows in response.

"Speaking of which", he had given back and reached into his coat pocket to reveal a small velvet box. "That's for you for tonight. It's my grandmother's, so I'd like to have it back."

He had revealed an old-fashioned silver ring to her that looked so delicate that Charlie could simply gape at him, fearing that it might break as he had pushed it past the knucklebone of her left fourth finger.

"Are you- are you making me your fiancée for the night?", she had finally managed to ask.

"Well, I'm sure as hell not making you my whore - which is exactly what people would think if you'd show up there without wearing that ring."

"Alfie", she had sighed, "I really couldn't give less of a fuck about what these people will have to say about me."

"I know." A smile had been hidden in the corners of his mouth as he gestured with his hand. "But if it's my call and they're going to talk then they'll talk fuckin' proper about you."

Once again Charlie now led her left thumb to her finger to assure herself that the ring was still in place. She held onto Alfie's arm with her other hand and could feel how numerous pairs of prying eyes followed them as they made their way towards the bar.

"Nobody's going to steal it off your finger', he grunted, amusement resonating in his voice.

"It's your grandma's", Charlie hissed back, feeling the urge to check yet again. "It's like you've said, 'Look, here's one of my most valuable possessions. Try not to loose it.'"

"Right, the one fuckin' thing that fazes you is a simple fuckin' ring", he shot right back, unable to suppress a chuckle any longer.

Charlie didn't get the chance to answer as they reached the bar and one of the barmen practically dropped everything to attend to their every need. As Alfie ordered their drinks, she risked a look around. They were surrounded by the richest people of the neighbourhood and the likes who wanted to consider themselves as such. It was a place of excess and exorbitance, of cocaine and champagne, of men thinking they could buy pretty women at the best rate like cattle. Charlie felt exposed, revolted and entirely out of place all at once.

"Fuckin' scum of the city if you ask me", Alfie grunted close to her ear as he handed her a glass of whiskey, "but what I'm doing business with."

He guided her to a booth that offered a bit of privacy and still a view of the rest of the club. Once again she could hear whispered remarks and hushed voices as they walked over but what really worried her was a certain table near the back. At it sat six men in sharp suits that looked all about business instead of pleasure. They clearly belonged to Sabini's army, watching their every move with close scrutiny and great displeasure. She touched Alfie's forearm lightly with her fingertips and mumbled, "What's the plan?"

His response was accompanied by a crooked smile, the one that once again had that strange flutter erupting in Charlie's chest.

"Having a fuckin' lovely night, that is."

But then he leaned closer and added, "We don't make a fuss, we'll let them come to us."

As if on cue an elderly man with small, round glasses that sat on the tip of his nose cleared his throat, redirecting their attention to him as he stood right in front of their table. 

"Mister Solomons", he chirped as soon as they looked up at him, "what a pleasure to meet you again, sir. Won't you introduce me to your beautiful company?"

Alfie didn't bother standing up to shake his hand but nodded as he declared, "'tis Charlotte. Charlotte, this is Mister Huntington."

Mister Huntington's voice went two pitches higher as he offered them his good wishes and complemented Charlie on her ring, taking a seat before either of them could even invite him to their table. What followed then would have sounded like ordinary small talk to untrained ears but when you listened closely you could understand the hints and agreements the two men discussed. It was plain business talk wrapped up in casual stories, just as unambiguous as one could be when striking a deal on the enemy's turf. But once Mister Huntington was finally satisfied, it turned out that the night was still young. Throughout the next hour the two of them were approached by three different men in a strikingly similar manner. And while all of them proceeded to ignore Charlie after a couple of empty phrases, Alfie kept one of his hands on her upper thigh, squeezing whenever he wanted to indicate that he was gaining ground. Charlie soaked it all in and simultaneously tried to look as bored as most of the women on the other tables as to evade any suspicion.

That was up until she stood and declared that she had to use the lady's room when one of the potential business partners went off on a tangent to explain his mistress' sexual merits. To her surprise, Alfie grabbed her hand and pulled her back down towards him to press his lips on her cheek close to her ear.

"Hurry back", he rumbled quietly, his eyes a likeness of gathering storm clouds that sparked of annoyance, impatience and something else, something that was meant for her. All Charlie could do was nod in response.

 

In the bathroom, she let some cool water run over her wrists in the hope that it would soothe the hot prickle surging under her skin. She felt like she had been on high alert ever since they set foot in the club, trying to watch Sabini's men out of the corner of her eye, make mental notes of all the information that could be of importance to her or Tommy, and play her assigned part for the night at the same time. If she had learnt anything about Alfie by now, it was that he was an intense man. And it was this intensity which didn't exactly make her tasks any easier but proved to be rather distracting. She took her small handbag from where it had been sitting on the edge of the sink, checked that it still held her gun and shook her head to herself as if to cast away the presence of any lurking thoughts. As she opened the door, two women were just about to enter, so Charlie made way for them by stepping to the side in the hallway - and in that moment, it happened. 

Two rough hands grabbed her by the upper arms and yanked her away from the lighting into a dark corner. Her first instinct was to reach for her knife, her gun, any weapon at all but the grip was so strong that she could barely move. Only a split second passed and she had already opened her mouth to shout out as loud as she could, when suddenly hot lips collided with hers, teeth clashed against teeth and she was pressed up further against the wall. She recognised his smell, she registered how his beard scratched sensitively against her skin, she felt the whole force of his intensity crashing over her like a breaking wave as he kissed her fiercely, urgently, and it took her a couple of heartbeats until she realised that this was most likely an attempt to silence her. Still she got a taste of his tongue and he bit her lip ruggedly before he let up on her, his chest heaving visibly much like her own.

"It's a trap", Alfie rasped, searching her eyes, "it's a fuckin' trap, Charlie, we have to go right now." 

And with that he grabbed her hand another time and dragged her further into the darkness to find some way, any way out. 


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It's all just pretence."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so endlessly thankful for every single comment and kudos! It means so much to me so truly, thank you.  
> I hope all of you enjoy this chapter, it's one of my favourite ones so far. Soundtrack: The Pretty Reckless - Mad Love. I have it on repeat as I'm typing. x

They hurried down the corridor, flying by locked doors and scattered ceiling lamps that emitted a murky beam of light at best. Charlie felt her heart pumping in her throat, her hands sweaty, her feet almost slipping out of the unfamiliar shoes as she expected one of Sabini's men to turn a corner at every second. They reached the end of the hallway and Alfie cursed under his breath when they found yet another closed door. Their heads shot around as clatter sounded from their right, announcing a waiter who seemed to be on the hunt for clean glasses. Within two heartbeats, Alfie grabbed the handle of the door in front of him, forced it open even though the wood creaked in protest and pulled Charlie inside.

They found themselves in perfect darkness and froze in place. By her side, Alfie fumbled with a box of matches and when the mingy flame illuminated their surroundings, shedding light on crates and boxes and numerous bottles of alcohol, they realised that they had stumbled into a storage room.  
Alfie was about to utter another stream of curses, when Charlie touched his elbow.  
  
“Windows”, she prompted, “we have to look for windows.”  
  
Without waiting for a response, she started to make her way towards the far wall, again cloaked in darkness and thus especially careful not to knock anything over. Alfie lit another match as he followed her and together they wrestled with a ponderous stack of wooden boxes to eventually reveal what they were looking for - a way out of here.  
With a sound of triumph on her lips, Charlie clambered onto the boxes first, using them as a makeshift ladder so that she could push the window pane open and lower herself out into a dark back alley.  
  
Alfie was right behind her, hitting the cobblestones with a grunt before he adjusted his hat. They exchanged a look and he pointed to their left, indicating the direction in which he thought his car and driver waited. Charlie nodded, but before they could actually gain some ground, a gunshot cut through the evening air. Within a split second, she was pressed up against the wall another time with Alfie's frame hunched over her, his coat shrouded around both of them like a black wall that merged into the shadows. They heard angry shouts followed by the nervous stomping of many feet that seemed to swarm out.  
  
Alfie didn't move. Charlie felt his breath brushing against her hair, his chest heaving by her side and she couldn't help but cock an eyebrow at him.  
  
“You making a habit out of this?”  
  
“Keeping your fuckin’ dress from reflecting the light”, he growled.  
  
“It's not like I can take it off right now”, she hissed back, squinting up at him just in time to see something dark, something hungry clouding his eyes. She felt her skin erupting in goose bumps.  
  
She saw him wrestling with something that sat on the tip of his tongue, wanting to be said while he tried to decide whether it would be a wise thing to do.  
  
_I could help with that-_  
  
Before he could open his mouth though, heavy boots scratching over the pavement sounded from right behind Alfie's back. Their eyes widened in panic as they hadn't realised that somebody was close, this close. There was no time to run, no place to hide in, no chance to make a dash without attracting attention, so Charlie did the only thing that came to her mind right then and there. She grabbed hold of his face with both of her hands, pulled it towards her and let her lips clash with his in the attempt to make it look like they had retreated to this darkest of places in need for some privacy. She hadn't planned on his reaction though.  
  
It took him a moment to catch up on what was happening but when he did, Charlie felt him descending on her. He put one hand against the wall next to her head to stabilise them while his other shot up to her cheek, titling her face upwards for better access. His lips were ravenous, his tongue demanding as it twisted around hers, his teeth biting and eliciting an unbridled moan from her throat as he pushed one of his knees between her legs so that he ended up pressed flush against her.  
  
It took all of Charlie's willpower to force her eyes open and peek over his shoulder to check on whoever went past them. It was an older man, staggering visibly in a drunken stupor and therefore merely dismissing them with a wave of his hand and an unintelligible mutter.  
  
She would have sighed in relief but since Alfie just sucked her lower lip into his mouth, it came out as a moan. She felt how a grin split his face and took the opportunity to break the kiss, trying to gain control over her rapid breathing. The look in his eyes was still holding her in place. It seemed to pierce right through her as if she was stripped bare in front of him but instead of shrinking away from it, something inside her unwound, rising up, up to cloak her throat and making it almost impossible to say something.  
  
“It's- it's all just pretence”, she croaked out, sounding as if she had to convince herself. She swallowed hard. An amused glint flitted over his face and while he appeared to be reluctant to release her, he offered her a simple grunt in response. Then he finally took a step back and glanced around.  
  
“The car should be around two corners to the left. We have to move”, he rasped and she nodded quickly, the severity of the situation crashing back down on her with full force.  
  
They kept to the shadows, steering clear of the main road and rather pushing themselves past people's back doors and washing lines, always aware of that tickle of tension creeping up their necks. Eventually they turned another corner and this time Charlie did sigh when she laid eyes on Alfie's car and his driver leaning against the hood, a cigarette dangling from his mouth. One word from Alfie was enough for him to throw it to the ground and hurry behind the wheel.  
  
They climbed in to the backseat and once they sped off, re-entering Alfie's territory without facing more obstacles, Charlie felt her body going limp. She was drained from all the adrenaline it had to muster up that night, drained to the point where she simply wanted to crawl up in her bed and stay there for the rest of the weekend. But this wasn't over yet. So she sat up and pinned Alfie down with a look.  
  
“Will you tell me what the hell was going on?”  
  
He was pinching the bridge of his nose with index finger and thumb and looked just as tired as she felt.  
  
“That prick Turner opened his fuckin’ big mouth and for once I'm fuckin’ glad he did”, Alfie finally mumbled.  
  
Charlie crunched up her face at the mention of the last potential business partner with his tendency to overshare, but waited for him to go on.  
  
“As soon as you were gone, he told me he was going to secure seats for him and his company in the dancing room. Fuck yes”, he commented the confused look on her face, “there seems to be an even bigger fuckin’ room in that place mainly for dancing, where a band was setting up. Apparently every single fuckin’ person in that club had been told either by invitation or right by the door to switch rooms at a certain time for the big event of the night. Every fuckin' person except for us.”  
  
“Maybe they just forgot-“  
  
“That's what I thought”, he spoke on, “but then I went to the bar to get you another drink and the little fuckers working there didn't realise I was standing right behind them. They talked about how they had to clean up that mess afterwards and how fuckin’ Jewish blood always ruined the carpets.”

 He practically spit out the last words just as Charlie felt her blood turning cold and a shiver running down her spine.  
  
_But that- that meant-_  
  
She gulped.  
  
“He was getting rid of the witnesses”, she stated, her voice almost soundless. Alfie simply nodded as she rambled on, uttering everything that started spinning in her head.  
“He could have made it look like it was self-defence- he had more than enough people to confirm that we were there by choice- he fuckin' set you up! He sent these guys to beat you up the other day because he knew you would come back at him!”  
  
“Well, it didn't fuckin' work, did it?!”, he snarled, his eyes narrowing threateningly as he tried to built himself up as much as the backseat allowed it. The arrogance in his voice left Charlie both speechless and furious.  
  
“It was pure fuckin' luck, Alfie”, she blurted out, unwilling to let herself be cowed by him this time. “I told you I thought it was too risky and then I fuckin' trusted you, thinking you had it under control.”  
  
“I did get us out of there alive, in case you haven't bloody noticed”, he gave back, obviously irritated by the need of having to defend himself.  
  
“Yeah, but just barely”, she retorted, a pleading edge sneaking into the sound of her voice. “If there was ever a time when you could walk into one of Sabini's clubs and act like we did tonight, then it's fuckin' over! You need to accept that!”  
  
Alfie opened his mouth, but Charlie didn't let him get the word. “You're the head of this bloody mission, Alfie. If you can't face the truth, then we'll all be fuckin' dead soon enough.”  
  
Only now Charlie noticed that his nostrils had started to flare and that his lips were pressed to a thin line. He looked like he was on the verge of snapping, not knowing how to channel his anger in the confined space of the car. Every instinct told Charlie that this was the moment, when she should back down or run as fast as possible but since they were still driving, there was no way out. So she met his glare with a defiant look and jutted her chin forward.  
  
“That the way you talk to Shelby?”, he rumbled, increasing the tension even further.  
  
“No, ‘cause Tommy seems to know what he's doing.”  
  
That was it. A growl filled the car and shook her right to her core. She cursed herself mentally that she just couldn't keep her mouth shut around him, expecting a verbal assault or even a slap at every second. Instead she was yanked forward as he grabbed her by the upper arms and almost gasped when his lips crashed onto hers. It took Charlie two heartbeats to make the decision, to abandon the last bit of reason for tonight.  
  
_Fuck this.  
_  
She could grapple with all of her concerns bubbling in the back of her mind later on. So she put her hands on his shoulders and pushed him back into his seat while their lips moved furiously against each other. Instead of shouting at her, he savaged her mouth, he bit her lips red and swollen, he sneaked his hand under the hem of her dress and up for a better grip. He had to lose control, he couldn't keep it at bay, and this - this was a much better way of going spare than his usual outbursts. He had never met someone that could piss him off and turn him on like that at the same time.  
  
She sat up but there was not enough room to straddle him, so she leaned against his side, got rid of his hat and ran her fingers along his scalp through his already messy hair. It drew a groan from his throat that had a hot frisson of want cursing through her, exploding in her lower abdomen. His grip grew tighter and he was about to lift her up and onto his lap, when the car came to an abrupt halt in front of Charlie's house so that she lost her balance and almost tumbled off the seat.   
  
Alfie adjusted his hands just in time and drew her closer, their faces ending up mere inches apart even though they had to break the kiss. Slowly, only slowly Charlie's heart rate returned to its normal speed while she felt a blush creeping to her cheeks as she took in his dishevelled appearance.  
  
“Don't fuckin' mind”, he rasped, a lazy grin tucking at the corners of his mouth. “It's all just pretence”, he echoed her words from before, lacing them with a mocking undertone.  
  
A whole number of emotions passed over Charlie's face, ranging from bafflement to uncertainty.  
  
_Of course, of fucking course._  
  
“Oh, fuck off”, she finally huffed, settling for mild annoyance.   
  
He was about to say something else but she had already freed herself from his grip and waved a hand at him, stopping him short. Then she grabbed her purse and jumped out of the car, knowing full well that his eyes followed her the entire way to the front door. She shook her head to herself, unable to hide a small smirk any longer. It was only when she had closed the door behind her and leaned back against the wood that she realised that she was still wearing his grandmother's ring.


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ada's always right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry to have kept you guys waiting for so long! I've been working non-stop over the past weeks and at the moment I'm just immensly tired all the time. Which doesn't mean that I've forgotten about Charlie, Alfie and John at all! So to make it up to you, this is easily one of the longest chapters so far :)  
> Also, I'm completely blown away by all your lovely feedback! It always keeps me going so thank you so, so much! x

The next morning, Charlie woke up to some weight pressing down on her mattress, dipping it to the side. She squinted against the light and found Ada sitting cross-legged next to her, a cup of steaming tea in each hand. She sat up, accepted one of it gladly and saw that Karl was blissfully lost in a play with his toy horses down on her carpet.  
  
While Ada gave her friend's brain a couple of minutes to shed the sleepy haze it was still in, she studied her closely as if looking for specific details that might had changed about her since last night. When Charlie then lifted her free hand to tuck some unruly strands of hair behind her ear, Ada's gaze fell on Grandma Solomons’ ring, still firmly in place. In an instant, her eyes went wide and her jaw dropped. She quickly lifted her own cup to her lips, hiding the broad grin that spread across her face when she decided to keep that ace up her sleeve for the moment.  
  
Charlie took a sip of tea and cradled her cup with both hands before she gave Ada a tired smile.  
  
“Soo, how did it go?”, Ada finally asked, biting her lip to contain her excitement. Charlie heaved a sigh that turned into a yawn halfway through, causing Ada to snort into her tea.  
  
“Not at all as planned but we made it out alive, so it could have been worse, I guess.”  
  
She recapped last night's events briefly but deliberately forgot to mention any of the three kisses. While Ada's eyes went wide at the thought of what could have happened to her friend, she was still waiting for something particular to fall from Charlie's lips. They both took another sip once she had finished her story and Ada tried hard to shed the uneasiness that had crept up her back and tried to settle in her stomach. Charlie was back home, right here with her and she knew how to handle herself. At least that was the mantra she clung to whenever the same anxiety, she associated so strongly with her brothers took hold of her in these days.  
  
“So, how did you sleep then?”, she asked instead, unwilling to dwell on it any longer.  
  
“Surprisingly well”, Charlie gave back innocently.  
  
Ada huffed impatiently and leaned in closer as she lowered her voice and wiggled her eyebrows suggestively. “I thought so.”  
  
Finally Charlie caught up, so she eyed her friend suspiciously, a small smile playing at the corners of her mouth. “What are you on about?”  
  
“Oh nothing, I'm sure it's nothing”, Ada shot back, a broad grin spreading over her face now, “just that I'm glad that I got the bedroom next to yours and not Karl.”  
The perplexed expression on Charlie's face must have been quite a picture because Ada looked like a kid on Christmas morning.  
  
“I mean”, she went on to explain, “since the noises you made practically kept me up half the night. And it wasn't my brother's name that you were moaning.”  
  
“Ada!!” Charlie's head went bright red as she whisper-shouted at her, gesturing towards her son well within earshot on the carpet.  
  
“Oh, he doesn't know what that means”, Ada shrugged with the wave of a hand.  
  
“Yeah, but he repeats everything he hears”, Charlie hissed, the prospect of which promptly had Ada erupting into giggles. She had to wipe tears from her eyes before she once more grinned so widely that Charlie buried her face in her hands.  
  
“Fine”, she groaned from in between her fingers. “We might have kissed... like three times.”  
  
Ada squealed and Charlie groaned another time, knowing very well that she would have to give her all the details.  
  
“But these were mainly driven by the will to survive so I don't really think they count”, she tried to save herself, looking up at her friend to check if she would buy it. Ada's smirk was so full of innuendo that Charlie knew there was no way that she was going to let this go.  
  
“Well, I'd say your subconsciousness was definitely driven by something else”, she teased, barely able to duck the pillow that Charlie aimed at her head.  
  
A whiney sound of protest escaped from Charlie's throat and when Ada paused to take in her friend's rosy cheeks and helpless expression, her laughter abated to make room for an affectionate, warm smile.  
  
“Alright, one more question”, she prompted, almost making Charlie flinch in anticipation. “Did you enjoy it?”  
  
Charlie's face turned a deeper shade of red and she squinched her eyes shut.  
  
“Yes”, she finally breathed and felt how Ada took the cup out of her hands to intertwine their fingers. She waited until Charlie reopened her eyes to nod encouragingly.  
  
“That's a really good thing, Char. After these past years, after everything that happened, you deserve to enjoy that”, she said softly. “So I want you to promise me one thing.”  
Charlie raised her eyebrows expectantly.  
  
“You turn your head off for the weekend”, Ada declared. “You promise me that you won't wrack your brain about what it means, what you're supposed to do now, what Tommy might say until Sunday evening when we have the time to talk about it properly without Arthur and John knocking on our door at every minute.”  
  
In that moment, Charlie's face fell. _John- she hadn't even-_  
  
“No! No, this is exactly what I mean”, Ada interrupted her train of thoughts as if she could read her mind, “You don't owe him an explanation least of all a guilty conscience. Just let yourself have this for once, love, alright?”  
  
As if on cue, heavy fists met the wood of the front door causing Karl to squeak excitedly. “Uncle Arthur, Uncle Johnny! Mummy, it's Uncle Arthur!”  
  
Ada, however, didn't move until Charlie finally answered her last question with a nod. Then she grinned fairly satisfied with herself, planted a small kiss on her friend's hair and hurried to catch up with her son, who was wiggling towards the stairs. She had already left the room when her voice sounded down the corridor again.  
  
“Oh, and I would really love to hear how exactly you got engaged.”  
  
Charlie's head shot around, yanking her hand up to her face to take in Grandma Solomons' ring before she fell back into her pillows with another groan. Ada was never going to believe this.

She had just clambered out of bed and put on a robe when John popped his head in through the door. As soon as he laid eyes on her, his signature grin spread from ear to ear and lit up the entire room. He covered the space between them with three long strides and within a heartbeat, Charlie was pressed against his chest. She buried her face in his shirt and waistcoat, breathing in his scent and wrapped her arms around his middle. For the first time in weeks, she truly let herself fall. Relaxing into his embrace, she let go of all the things she was so stubbornly trying to control and keep in check. In that moment, she was safe.  
  
“I'm sorry, I think I got terrible morning breath”, she mumbled into his chest.  
  
His ribcage vibrated from the chuckle that escaped his throat. “Nothing I don't already know”, he quipped.  
  
“Well, I'm _so_ glad to see you too”, she gave back with a scoff, trying to pinch him through the multiple layers of clothing.  
  
“Thought so”, he smiled softly, rested his chin on her head and adjusted his grip to hug her even tighter.  
  
“Can other people have their turn as well?”  
  
Charlie hadn't even realised that Arthur had followed his brother upstairs, but as she now peeked over John's shoulder, a wide grin split her face. There he stood, one hand propped on his hip in playful annoyance, Karl resting on the other one with his little hands holding firmly onto his uncle's neck. She wiggled free from John's grip to swap it for one of Arthur's short but heartfelt hugs. As he drew her into him rather ruggedly, he pressed a kiss to her temple and rumbled, “We've missed you, woman.”  
  
Charlie swallowed quickly to keep her throat from closing up. It's only been a couple of weeks but with everything that had happened, she felt like she hadn't seen them in months.  
  
“You don't have Finn with you, stacked in a suitcase somewhere by any chance?”, she asked half jokingly, half hopeful as she took a step back.  
  
“He's grown again”, John chimed in, “he won't fit in no bloody suitcase anymore.” Charlie was about to sigh and pout on top of it, when he added, “We could try and squeeze Karl into one if it makes you feel better.”  
  
The same enthusiastic expression appeared on both Karl's and Arthur's faces and Charlie just giggled as she led them down the stairs to meet Ada in the kitchen.  
  
  
  
It was one of the rare occasions when Charlie had a whole day off. John and Arthur had said that they had a couple of meetings with potential suppliers but that there was no need for all three of them to go. So instead Charlie went to the park with Ada and Karl. They sat on a bench, enjoying some scattered rays of sunshine while they watched the littlest Shelby chasing a squirrel on wobbly legs. Then Ada gently nudged her side.  
  
“You took it off”, she stated without turning her eyes away from Karl.  
  
Charlie knew instantly what she was talking about. Instinctively her gaze flitted down to her bare finger, trying to fight some heat rising to her cheeks. She had various explanations on her tongue - how it was only meant for one night, how Alfie needed it back and she didn't want to lose it, how she wanted to shun any comments from John or Arthur. Instead she took a deep breath and simply told Ada how she got it in the first place. Her friend listened intently, eyebrows shooting up at Charlie's recollection of some of Alfie's words, but never interrupting. Once she was finished, she risked a glance to the side and saw that Ada had her lower lip drawn into her mouth, biting down on it as if to keep any questions or thoughts or sounds from spilling out. So they sat in calm silence and Charlie was immensely grateful for it.  
  
  
  
On the same evening, they found themselves next to Arthur and John in one of Alfie's pubs. It was close to their house and Ada had promised their neighbour that she'd only be gone for about two hours. Charlie stuck to whiskey while the guys indulged in Alfie's rum und their spirits grew higher and louder by each sip. Soon their table was crowded by many men Charlie knew from the bakery, who wanted to be introduced to the notorious Shelbys and hung on Arthur's lips as he dished out some of his favourite stories. The whole pub roared in laughter when he recounted their last fight with Sabini's men in which more than one of Alfie's chairs had been broken and Arthur's opponent did a runner crawling on all fours. Suddenly a hand patted Charlie's shoulder and one of Alfie's men bent forward.  
  
“You should've seen our Charlotte at the last boxing matches. She practically bashed the guy's head in until he couldn't even crawl on his own anymore”, he boasted with another pat that made her flinch. She didn't need a reminder, much less wanted one. The guy was back at work by now, but his nose was still crooked and his teeth certainly wouldn't grow back. It wasn't like she thought he hadn't deserved it - on the contrary. It was the powerless feeling of losing control as she had sat on top of him that she was trying to shove away as far as possible.  
  
“You don't need to tell me, I train with her!”, Arthur gave back as she met John's gaze. It was fixed on her, following every last movement that passed over her face while his eyebrows were raised to the point where they almost met his hairline. At a loss of words, she simply offered him a small shrug and a lopsided smile.  
Despite knowing that she had some more explaining to do later on, she felt strangely at ease that night. Things were always easier when John was around but the longings also tended to get harder to ignore whenever she got drunk in his presence. So instead of seeking closeness, instead of anticipating his touch, tonight her mind wandered elsewhere as the alcohol started to addle her senses.  
  
  
  
_His lips left hers bruised and still craving for more as he travelled down, down, his beard scratching thrillingly against her skin, his teeth biting the spot where her blood pulsated in hot temper, further down until he had reached the top of her breasts. He impatiently ripped the last of her blouse open, and hesitated for a second to take in the sight of her only in her underwear. It took too long, he took too long, so she grabbed hold of his shirt, pulling him close again and taking control as she needed his mouth back on her own, needed to taste him, needed to feel his heat all over her body. A growl vibrated in his throat, fighting to take back the lead when he suddenly picked her up and moved them back against the wall. She wrapped her legs around his hips, could feel his hardness straining against his trousers, pressing against her thigh and heard a whimper escaping her uncontrollably._  
  
_“Say it”, he rumbled, “say what you want me to do.”_  
  
_“Alfie-”_  
  
_His name sounded like a distant echo to her own ears, unable to form a coherent response when he just pushed aside the fabric of her bra to suck her nipple into his mouth. Another moan and he stopped to repeat his demand._  
  
_“I want you to say it, love.”_  
  
_“Alfie-”, his tongue was back on her skin, swirling and teasing, pushing her closer and closer, “...fuck me.”_  
  
  
  
The restlessness in his bones was only feeding his impatience and he would have started to pace back and forth, had he not been in the fanciest room of the racecourse. It was Sunday and normally, he would have left as soon as he had made his round, checked on his bookies and collected his share. He would have avoided the rich folk trying to socialize at any cost. But today he sat amongst them on a table that was cleared for him when he had just as much as sat foot in the room. This place was good for business and business was what it was really all about today. When Tommy had given him the call, announcing that his brothers would come down to watch the races and talk further collaboration, he hadn't said anything about her. If Alfie was entirely honest, admitting only to himself that she had been right the other night, he needed the Blinders to keep his tracks safe, his bookies protected. So this was business, plain and simple, and there was certainly no room for whispering thoughts, wondering whether she'd come along.  
That was until a murmur went through the room and he sensed her before he saw her. He fought the urge to look up and around, especially since Ollie, who sat right next to him, already confirmed his hunch.  
  
“There they are.”  
  
But then the hushed speculations reached the table next to his and he heard two older ladies say, “These must be the gypsies from up north. Dressed like this on a Sunday- this is a proper event and not some racket at a pub.”  
  
When he laid eyes on her, all his attempts to silence a rush of excitement cursing through him were shattered. She wore a beaded, crème-coloured dress, cut down low at the back with her hair done up in soft finger waves. To each side of her was a man in a sharp suit and newsboy cap.  
They were surrounded by an air of authority as if nothing could touch them, as if they couldn't give less of a fuck about the snide remarks and glances, as if they already owned this place. Alfie could muster up a decent amount of respect for this attitude, he needed strong partners after all. But what bothered him without any particular reason was the guy to her right, the taller one.  
Cocky grin already in place, he puffed a cigar with one hand while his other arm was wrapped around her shoulders. Now he leaned in, drew her closer and said something that brought the widest smile to her face. She shook her head and chuckled when the other guy turned to them. Alfie grunted at the sight of it and drew his lower lip into his mouth.  
  
  
  
“So, which one is ours then, Char?”, Arthur said, clapping his hands together, his gaze directed at the numerous tables.  
  
Charlie cocked an eyebrow at him. “How am I supposed to know?”, she asked right back and smiled in confusion.  
  
“Well, you're the only one of us who knows what he looks like”, Arthur declared.  
  
“Who are you talking-“  
  
“Your boss”, he interrupted her, still glancing around the room.  
  
It took her two seconds to catch up and just as she did, her eyes locked with Alfie's and went wide. Somehow her stomach dropped and jumped up to her throat at the same time.  
  
“He's- he's not my boss-“, she mumbled but her voice gave out as her thoughts started to tumble over one another. This was the moment in which Ada's advice to keep herself from overthinking failed. She needed a plan, she needed to know how she wanted to face him. She led Arthur and John towards him, feeling the heat rising to her cheeks.  
But after all, this was a business meeting right? So effectively there was only one way to go about this and so she made a decision and smiled professionally as they reached his table.  
  
“Alfie, I didn't know you were going to be here.”  
  
He didn't respond right away but his eyes were fixated on her as if he didn't even notice her company. His beard twitched and she saw a small smirk playing at the corner of his mouth, which made her skin prickle in just the wrong way - or was it the right one?  
  
“Mister Solomons, pleasure to meet you, sir”, Arthur chimed in and redirected their attention. Charlie quickly cleared her throat, grappling to maintain her focus and proceeded to introduce the guys to Alfie and Ollie. Both of them stood as they all shook hands, Alfie offering Arthur and John a firm nod.  
  
“Ollie, mate”, he said, once they had taken a seat, “how about you go and get our guests a drink? Whiskey for you, is it, Charlotte?”  
  
He pinned her down with another look but she just nodded and declared, “Since you have business to discuss, I'm gonna go look for the bathroom.”  
  
She had already turned around when a hand shot out, grabbing her by the wrist.  
  
“Char, you alright?”  
John's brow was furrowed as he tried to read her expression.  
  
“Yeah sure, I'll be right back”, she said and smiled softly.  
  
“You know, Tommy wanted you to know about this, too”, he added.  
  
“Then you'll just fill me in.”  
  
She squeezed his hand reassuringly before he let go of it and she got the chance to catch her breath and ask herself how exactly she had gotten into this situation.  
  
  
  
For the briefest of moments she actually considered reverting back to old habits and just bolting out of the back door. Just the thought of sitting at a table with both John and Alfie made her feet itch. She was horrible at things like this and she knew it. She'd prefer taking a punch to the face or stomach at any time to trying to navigate her way through the mess of emotions and blurry boundaries she just found herself in. This is what happens when you mix business with your private life. She could practically already hear Tommy giving her a lecture and groaned as she let some cool water run through her fingers. And then again there was that defiant side of her that stirred whenever somebody tried to meddle in her personal affairs. In fact, it was starting to rise up just now.  
  
She closed the tap and grabbed the edge of the sink with both hands. Fuck this, Ada was right. She didn't owe John an explanation for a kiss that possibly didn't mean a thing. She didn't owe Alfie an explanation for being so close to John. And she sure as hell didn't need to justify herself to Tommy, who was quite frankly the king of mixing business with his private or love life - considering Grace, then Lizzie and whatever he was up to at May Carlton's place right now. So after a last glance into the mirror she straightened herself and went back out, hoping that the whiskey Ollie had ordered was already waiting for her.  
  
  
  
They talked about how many of his new bakers Alfie needed as protection for his bookies, they negotiated sending down extra men, they discussed payments and shares and eventually turned to plan an offensive against Sabini, because they all agreed that it was time to strike fast and hard. They were just deciding on a day when John nudged Charlie's side gently with his elbow. She glanced over and saw that his gaze was directed at her glass of whiskey. Ollie had gotten him some kind of rum but apparently he had now changed his mind. She rolled her eyes playfully at him but swapped their glasses which brought a broad, content smile to John's face. He leaned back, took a sip and draped his arm over the back of her chair. Charlie turned her head back around to focus on what Arthur was saying when she realised that Alfie was staring at her - or more precisely them. The look in his eyes was piercing, unwavering, much like the one he used when he wanted to force information out of somebody.  
  
But Charlie wasn't impressed. By now she had gotten used to his demeanour, being aware of the intentions and tactics behind it and knowing very well when it was time to back down. That wasn’t the case now. So she cocked an eyebrow at him, almost challenging him to say what bothered him, to ask what he wanted to know. A glint flitted across his face and suddenly he stood, cutting Arthur short.  
  
“Saturday in two weeks it is then, gentlemen. I believe we will all be discussing the details with Tommy soon enough, but it's a deal, innit?"

  
He spit in his palm and shook Arthur's and John's hands on it before he turned to Charlie. She offered her hand in agreement and he took it but instead of shaking it, he let his thumb brush over her skin, holding her in place.  
  
“Since business is done, I would like to settle some other debts at this table.”  
  
His gaze sent waves of electricity down her spine and she could feel her throat closing up again in anticipation of what was to come.  
  
“Charlotte, I still owe you a dance”, he declared and she could almosr feel the surprise being written all over John's and Arthur's faces. She tried for a mockingly doubtful expression just to hide the excitement setting her every fibre on edge.  
  
“You know, that was actually tied to a certain setting and time but if it makes you feel better”, she quipped nonchalantly. His beard twitched in the attempt to hide a grin as he went around the table without so much as looking at the other guys again - including Ollie, who looked no less baffled than the Shelby brothers.  
  
There was a small stage at the other side of the room, where a band played slow, smooth tunes that rather accompanied the atmosphere than determined it. Alfie led her to the middle of the dance floor, past some other couples that swayed leisurely and wasted no time in placing his other hand on her lower back to pull her close. So within seconds, Charlie found herself pressed against his chest while he took the lead and the touch of his warm fingers burned itself through the thin material of her dress. She tried to calm her racing heartbeat with a deep breath and prayed that he couldn't feel it pounding wildly against her ribcage. She had no idea where to look as he guided them slowly, delicately from one side to the other and so she risked a glance over his shoulder.  
  
Back at their table, the three men followed their every move. She could see that John's jaws were pressed together so tightly that it must have hurt and now watched how Arthur put a hand on his shoulder, mumbling something into his ear. John just shook his head as his brow furrowed even further before he finally looked away and downed the rest of her whiskey in one go. A ping of guilt spread through Charlie's chest even though it was just a dance. He had watched her dance with several Blinders back at the Garrison.  
  
“You're not wearing it.”  
  
Alfie's deep rumble pulled her out of the mess that was her thoughts and now she had to meet his eyes. Again he used his thumb to brush down her bare left forth finger to clarify what he was talking about.  
  
“It's at home”, she explained, “I wanted to give it back to you tomorrow at the bakery.”  
  
Alfie nodded slightly, looking as if he pondered on something before he suddenly tightened his grip and drew her closer.  
  
“Keep it”, he said. Charlie's eyebrows shot up in surprise and for a second she simply gaped at him. “Wh-what?”  
  
“I want you to keep it”, he declared as if it wasn't much of a deal. “It's safe were it is now, right?”  
  
Charlie just nodded.  
  
“Right, I got no use for it at the bakery, you know what my desk looks like, I'm just very likely to lose it there. Just keep it safe for me, will ya? And wear it whenever you think it might be useful.”  
  
Charlie was still too perplexed to think of a comeback so she nodded again, trying very hard not to read anything into it. Alfie on the other hand evidently revelled in her speechlessness and to make matters worse, he bent forward so that his lips ended up right next to her ear.  
  
“I'm not the marriageable kind of man, Charlotte”, he rasped. “But my grandma would have liked if it was worn. Especially by someone like you.”  
  
His breath tickled her skin and his hand on her back dropped even lower, pressing her against him. The goose bumps erupting all over her body turned into a wildfire that chased down, right down to her core, unleashing a yearning that she almost couldn't control. They were close, far too close for a normal dance, far too close for a public event. And still, she couldn't have cared less because as his lips just barely touched her earlobe and an impatient growl rose in his chest, she knew she was screwed.


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uncharted waters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so completely blown away by your feedback for the last chapter! I love and appreciate every single comment and thought you guys have shared with me! So again, thank you so much, also for your patience and continued support <3  
> Enjoy this one, it's taken a bit of fine-tuning but I really like what it's become :)

“The fuck is going on between you and him?”  
  
John slammed the door shut behind them and frankly Charlie was surprised that he hadn't already erupted on the drive home. She shot a quick glance in Arthur’s direction but when she saw his helpless expression, she knew she couldn’t expect any support from him. So she steeled herself for the inevitable confrontation as she turned around and narrowed her eyes on John. Before she got the chance to answer though, Ada marched down the corridor, pointing a warning finger at her brother.  
  
“Could you keep it the hell down? Karl just went to sleep-“  
  
On cue the littlest Shelby's cry sounded from upstairs, causing Ada to huff in exasperation. She was about to turn back when Arthur seized the chance to escape the situation at hand and said, “I'll get him.“  
  
As soon as he was gone, John pinned Charlie down with a look and built himself up in front of her. His whole posture oozed of proprietary arrogance so that Charlie almost laughed in disbelief. _This is ridiculous_.  
  
“Would you cut the crap, John?”, she scoffed and shook her head. “I feel like I got a déjà-vu. It’s not Arthur’s birthday this time but I’m still my own fuckin’ person and I don’t need to justify myself. So can we just leave it at that?”  
  
“The fuck we can”, he snarled and inched closer. “I want to know why he practically groped you on the dance floor!”  
  
“Who did what?”, Ada interrupted them with wide eyes.  
  
Charlie simply shook her head and shot her friend a meaningful look that told Ada everything she needed to know.  
  
“Her boss”, John went on to inform his sister, a jeering undertone lacing his voice. That was the moment when Charlie felt her patience crumbling for good and so her head shot around as she glared at him. “He's not my boss for fuck's sake. Tommy's my boss. He's a bloody business partner that I work with.”  
  
“Amongst other things, by the looks of it-“, John gave right back, pushing her over the edge of her composure.  
  
“Fuckin’ hell, John what exactly do you want me to say?” She felt her face hardening and her hands balling into fists. “You want the truth? The whole god's honest fuckin’ truth? I DON'T FUCKIN KNOW, ALRIGHT?”, she shouted at him, taking a step closer. “God, I wish I had a bloody clue but I just don't know what's going on between us. And you can stand there and judge me all the fuck you want. There's nothing else that I can tell you.”  
  
John didn't budge but his chest heaved just as heavily as hers. For a split second she saw something like realisation paired with insecurity flitting over his face but it was gone just as quickly as it had shown up. Instead he crossed his arms in front of his chest and shook his head, unwilling to accept her answer.  
  
“I don't trust him, so-“  
  
“You just shook hands on a bloody deal”, Charlie cut in with an incredulous laugh.  
  
“That's fuckin’ business, alright? Plain and simple and I still wouldn't turn my back on him in a fight”, John growled, bending down so that their faces ended up only inches apart.  
  
At the same time, Charlie felt how Ada stepped closer, quite literally having her back as they both glared at her brother.  
  
“But in any case, he's not fuckin' good enough for you”, he declared as if it was his decision to make. “Oh fuck off”, Charlie scoffed. “First of all, why do you think that we're any better than him?”  
  
“He's a fuckin’ animal! The things I've heard about-“  
  
“It's called a fuckin' reputation, John”, she exclaimed, “and it's what you need in our line of business! Just go to any pub and listen to the stories they tell about us, about the mad, murderous gypsies from up north. You won't spot a fuckin' difference.”  
  
John had opened his mouth again, about to talk back but Charlie wasn't finished yet. “And I know that there's only one man that'd be good enough for me in your eyes. But unfortunately that man's married and has five kids by now. So maybe it's about bloody time for both of us to move on and accept that!”  
  
John stilled. His gaze was still fixed on her but instead of sparking with anger and annoyance, now she could only see hurt. Hurt and defeat. Her throat closed up and she wanted to explain it to him, wanted him to understand when he leaned in another time, his voice barely above a whisper.  
  
“I don't think I'm good enough for you, Char. If I was, I wouldn't have let you talk me out of us.”  
  
That was it. Tears started to swell up and she cursed herself for not being able to contain them any longer. She wanted to shout and run and beat his chest with her fists for saying something like that but there was nothing. Nothing that came out, nothing she could have said or done. He must had seen how his words affected her because there was something burning in his eyes, almost pleading before he looked away to address Ada.  
  
“Tell Arthur we're leaving.”  
  
And with that, he turned on his heel and marched out, leaving Charlie empty and numb and utterly lost for words.  
  
  
  
It took several glasses of whiskey from a bottle that Charlie found in the back of a cupboard, a couple of full-blown streams of incentives and about twice as many angry outbursts from Ada cursing her brother and his awful timing to break the spell and eventually lull her to sleep that night. At some point, Charlie's thoughts became too muddled to follow everything her friend was saying but there was one thing that stood out, that Ada repeated over again.  
_It didn't change a thing._  
Whatever John wanted to insinuate, wherever he wanted to put the blame for what had happened between them, there was no way of going back now. And as Ada insisted, she couldn't get lost in false hope or guilty regret. It was the one thing that the alcohol didn't wash away that night, that remained as prominent as her headache in the morning. So she got up with a groan and the realisation that she'd see him at Finn's birthday next week at the latest. That'd give him enough time to calm down to eventually talk properly.  
  
  
  
She entrenched herself in her office that day, tackling the mountain of paperwork she had neglected over the past two weeks and secretly glad that she could stall her next encounter with Alfie. The minute she let her thoughts wander to him, hot craving erupted in her lower belly, cloaking her senses and quickening her pulse and breath. So yes, she wanted him, that was safe to say by now as denying it was simply off the table. But what else and more importantly what now? This was still a workplace and even though every primal instinct told Charlie to abandon reason and act on them, making that move could cost her the credibility and respect she had fought so hard to establish.

So she stuck to her forms and letters and tried to ignore the small nudge of disappointment when it became clear that this was going to be one of the occasional days on which they simply wouldn't run into each other. Still, late in the afternoon, something scratched at her door and within a heartbeat Charlie was out of her chair to open it for her favourite visitor. She knelt on the ground for a proper hello while Rupert was so excited to see her that he licked her straight across the face.  
  
“Now, that's a good boy.”  
  
She buried her fingers in his fur and gave him an extensive rub before she went back behind her desk with a sigh. Meanwhile Rupert curled himself up on a small rug right to her feet that she had swiped from one of the storage rooms. They stayed like this until the numbers on her sheets started to become blurry and Charlie had to rub her eyes to keep an impending headache at bay. She had just reached under her desk about to touch Rupert's sniffing nose, when the door to her office was yanked open.  
  
“Charlie, I need your help-“  
  
“Calm down, Ollie, he's here with me”, she said before Alfie's assistant could finish his sentence. Ollie let out a breath and shook his head.  
  
“I know- that's not what I meant. I need a favour.”  
  
Charlie arched an eyebrow and waited expectantly.  
  
“Alfie had a meeting on the other end of town, so he's already left. Now normally, I'd be my task to bring Rupert home but-“. He scratched the back of his neck with one hand. “Well, tonight's important to me and I can't be late. Would you take him? He likes you better anyway.”  
  
Charlie felt her heart skip a beat. “That's not true”, she mumbled and watched Rupert contradicting her by resting his head in her lap.  
  
“So could you do it?”, Ollie went on, ignoring her last comment while he took a step back. “Andrew's waiting outside with the car, he'll take you and get you home afterwards.”  
Another step.  
  
“Thanks, mate, I owe you! I'll see you tomorrow!”  
  
 And with that he was out of her room and away before Charlie even got the chance to turn him down. She sighed, trying to suppress the nervous flutter in her stomach and tickled Rupert between his ears.  
  
“Alright, boy, let's get you home then.”  
  
  
  
The car drive only lasted about 10 minutes and when they reached Alfie's house it was not at all what Charlie had expected, considering she was dealing with one of the wealthiest men in town. It was a smaller, compact building, the last one in the street and certainly at least three decades old. As she climbed out of the car, she felt a strange sense of familiarity taking hold of her. She contemplated the grey bricks, the small windows, the simple front door that had seen too many winters and thought of home. It reminded her of Watery Lane.  
  
She swallowed hard and let Rupert pull her through the front yard, already eagerly wagging his tail in anticipation of his dinner. Charlie's heart was pumping in her throat with every knock on the door before she stood back and seconds suddenly felt like minutes, like small eternities. When Alfie answered the door, she opened her mouth to explain herself but nothing came out. Their eyes locked and instantly, heat came crashing down on her, rising to her cheeks, further up into her head, making her dizzy and tongue-tied. He looked ruffled with his hair even messier than normal and the top buttons of his shirt undone, so that she felt like she was invading his privacy. But at the same time his gaze was burning a trail down to her mouth, and before she knew it, before she could even set her head straight to grasp what was happening, he took a step forward and cradled her face with his hands to let his lips meet hers.  
  
It was slower than their last kiss but no less intense, as Alfie was taking his sweet time to let his tongue wander across her lower lip before it entered her mouth. She almost sighed and held onto his wrists with both hands to keep herself from staggering. Meanwhile Rupert was pushing his way past Alfie into the hallway. When they finally broke the kiss, Charlie kept her eyes shut for a couple more seconds.  
  
“Thought you were expecting Ollie”, she eventually rasped, blinking up at him.  
  
“Hmm”, he rumbled, “that's how I always greet him.”  
  
She snorted with laughter and he flashed her his toothy grin. “Come on then”, he added and gave her hand a gentle tug to pull her inside.  
  


He led her all the way down the hallway to the kitchen past what looked like a sitting room with a small fire place when she caught a peek inside and another closed door. The floors were made of polished dark wood and the kitchen must have been renovated recently. Rupert was already waiting next to his bowl as Alfie bent down to free him from his leash and collar. Charlie seized the chance to look around, taking in the blue and white tiles, the numerous stuffed shelves and cupboards, the large pot on the stove until she noticed the table at the other side of the room. It was laid with two plates and sets of cutlery.  
  
“You set this up”, she stated and her jaw dropped. “Ollie doesn't have some fancy plans for tonight - you told him to send me here.”  
  
“That's only half the truth, love”, Alfie grinned and straightened himself after filling Rupert's bowl. Charlie tried hard to ignore the little somersault her stomach did at his use of the pet name.  
  
“His mother introduced him to a girl and he is meeting her for dinner”, Alfie went on to explain. “But sure, he could have dropped him off before that.”  
  
Charlie crossed her arms in front of her chest and raised an eyebrow at him.  
  
“But Rupert likes you better”, he added, a smile still tugging at the corner of his mouth. He went past her and pulled one of the chairs out from the table.  
  
“So, will you stay?”, he asked quietly and all the humour in his voice was gone. It was replaced by an echo of uncertainty and in that moment Charlie realised that these were uncharted waters for both of them. This was a new level of privacy and intimacy, the first time they were together without any business intentions determining their meeting. Charlie's thoughts picked up pace and she felt her heart racing to catch up as images flitted before her inner eye of what could happen tonight. This wasn't at all on what she had planned but she'd be damned if she let that opportunity slide.  
  
“Could I- could I make a call?”, she croaked.  
  
That caught Alfie somewhat off guard but he nodded quickly and pointed to the closed door down the hallway.  
  
“Phone's in my office. You're not- you're not calling Tommy right now, are you?”  
  
“What- no! Hell, no!” Charlie scrunched up her face and shook her head vigorously. “This is none of Tommy's business. I'm living with my best friend”, she explained. “If I'm late or not coming home, I have to let her know. Otherwise she'll send every peaky man in London out to look for me.”  
  
Alfie nodded again and watched her vanish into his office, leaving the door a crack open. He busied himself with filling their plates with a good serving of his housekeeper's best holishkes but couldn't help but overhear part of her conversation.  
  
“Ada, no! Could you-.... Could you stop these noises? I bet Karl's somewhere near you and you don't want to teach him that, do you?”  
  
What followed was a soft laugh that set something free inside of Alfie's chest.  
  
“I don't know- I'll have to see how it goes. In any case, you don't need to worry or wait up for me, alright? ... Alright, give Karl a kiss from me. I'll see you tomorrow, poppet.”  
  
She hung up and moments later took the seat across from Alfie. He noticed her rosy cheeks and had troubles hiding a grin as he could all too well imagine what kind of noises her friend had made. That Ada seemed like a person he could get on with. So he asked her about her and if it was just for the sake of dispelling any lingering tension. If there was one thing Alfie revelled in it was telling stories. So he listened and stuck to simple things like the very complicated relationship Ollie had with his mother, Rupert's shenanigans as a puppy and how he sometimes sneaked into the distillery rooms when no one was there and messed with the kettles and instruments just to test his men. And he watched how little by little she relaxed, how her shoulders lost their rigidity, how she dug in heartily once the knot in her throat had dissolved. There was a little pause between them and suddenly Alfie thought of something that he wanted her to know.  
  
“The other night, when they held their boxing matches, that they all think I don't bloody know about- I saw you”, he stated. “Saw how you put them in their place, how you did that pig's head in, didn't you?”  
  
It was meant to sound approvingly, meant to let her know that he supported it, was even impressed by it. But now he saw how something in her expression closed up and she averted her gaze. She took another bite and chewed thoughtfully. Finally when she realised that he was still waiting for an answer, she shrugged and said quietly, “It's when the madness takes over.”  
  
Alfie grunted softly in response.  
  
“There's madness in every one of us, love. It just depends on what you do with it.”  
  
Their eyes met for a heartbeat and Alfie saw something that he couldn't read before Charlie reverted to looking at her plate. He knew she wasn't going to say anything else but somehow he couldn't let it go just yet.  
  
“You regret that night?”, he probed, hoping that he didn't push her too far.  
  
“No- no, I don't. It was necessary”, she hurried to say. Then she put her fork down and let out a long breath as if she was bracing herself. “Sometimes I just- sometimes, I wish I wasn’t capable of doing it. That I'd hesitate and then-“, she stopped herself. “But then again, it's been the only thing that has kept me alive.”  
  
She tried for a lopsided smile as if attempting to ease the subject. But Alfie leaned forward, visibly agitated by now and said, “That bugger, he had it coming, and I'm fuckin’ glad you did it yourself- there's no blame in defending yourself-“  
  
“Alfie, just-“  
  
She reached for his hand to stop him short from talking himself in a frenzy. “Believe me, I don't have any sympathies for that guy. He can rot in fuckin’ hell if it's up to me. But we both know that what I do goes far beyond merely defending myself- I just-“  
  
She sighed heavily, knowing that this was one of the rare moments when she had to open up and let him take a peek behind her walls.  
  
“To some degree I chose this life, Alfie. I mean it wasn't like there were a lot of options but-“  
  
He squeezed her hand and it helped her to regain her focus.  
  
“You see, when the men went to war, they took all of them, the old, the strong and the weak, the boys, so young that they were still just kids, expecting each and every one of you to fight, to kill for their country, to not shed a tear over all the horrors you had to endure ‘cause that's what men are supposed to do. No one expected me to fight. I could have given in and would have been ten times dead by now, and no one would have blamed me. I chose not to. But that doesn't make me a good person.”  
  
Charlie took a deep breath and studied his reaction closely while her chest felt so tight that it might as well burst. There were about a hundred different things that had passed over Alfie's face and even more that sat on the tip of his tongue waiting to be said. Instead he pressed his lips together so that they vanished behind the hairs of his beard and pinned her down with a look.  
  
“Well, now I've never seen the use in being a fuckin' good person”, he finally grunted and stood at the same time, pulling her up with him as he was still holding her hand.  
“Come on, let's turn your bloody head off.”  
  
He put his hand on the small of her back and led her into the sitting room, where Rupert already lay sprawled out on the smaller one of the two sofas. Charlie took a seat close to him so that she could bend forward and rub that spot behind his ear while Alfie fumbled with one of the wood cabinets in the corner. He fetched two bottles and a glass to put them on the side table in front of her.  
  
“You see, whiskey's for business, innit? That's why it's the only thing you ever drink.”  
  
He pushed one of the bottles a couple of inches away, a mischievous glint sneaking into his eyes.  
  
“But rum, now that's for fun and fucking.”  
  
Charlie almost huffed at him not even trying to be subtle. But at the same time a prickle surged through her and she could feel the excitement pulsating in her ears. He surveyed her curiously, about to say something else when she already reached for the bottle of rum and poured herself a glass. Then she cocked an eyebrow at him, bottle still in hand.  
  
“What about you? Do you drink at all? I think I never saw you-“  
  
“Rarely, if ever, love. But you just go ahead”, Alfie chimed in and leaned back to watch her lead the glass to her mouth. His eyes lingered on her lips while the fingers of his right hand played with his beard as if to keep them busy. In that moment Charlie felt strangely exposed, but not in a bad way. She relished the tension increasing with every heartbeat that he didn't look away, like the calm before a storm. She took another small sip, let the alcohol burn its way down her throat and decided to give voice to the one thing that had been swirling around inside her head for days now.  
  
“Alfie, what is this? What are we doing?”  
  
A small smile appeared at the corners of his mouth, even though he tried to hide it. He moved closer and propped his left arm on the backrest behind her.  
  
“I got no clue, love”, he said quietly and the rasp in his voice sent chills of anticipation over Charlie's skin. “But I'd love to see where it goes.”  
  
She nodded, fighting hard to keep focused when he was just so close and his scent started to engulf her.  
  
“Why did you make me come here tonight?”  
  
“Because you're far too much of a fuckin’ grafter to let loose at work, aren't ya?” She felt how his fingertips sneaked their way into her hair, wrapping a strand around them. “Besides”, he added and his voice dropped even lower, “you're not the kind of girl I want to fuck across my desk.”  
  
Her eyes widened a notch and her breathing became more rapid but she couldn't help but ask perkily, “Well, what kind of girl am I then?”  
  
A rumble rose in his chest and he bent forward so that his lips brushed her ear. “The kind that deserves to be fucked senseless on a proper bed until even your loose tongue won't know what to say anymore.”  
  
“Well, that sounds like quite a fuckin’ challenge”, she breathed, leaning into his touch, testing him, “and you think you can help with that?”  
  
That was it. A growl escaped his throat like a thunderstorm, and she could barely make out his next words _, the fuckin' hell I can-,_ before his mouth crashed onto hers, ready to teach her a bloody lesson. He picked her up, spun her around and pulled her on his lap so that she ended up straddling him while he never let her get a chance to catch her breath. Alfie kissed like he lost his temper, fiercely, unpredictably and all-consuming. He had one hand tangled in Charlie's hair when the other arm was wrapped around her hips to keep her in place. She moaned against his teeth that bit her lower lip and welcomed his tongue with her own while she already fumbled with the buttons of his shirt. Then suddenly he broke the kiss and moved his lips along her jaw, mumbling, “About fuckin' time- I wanted to do this since you first opened your bloody mouth.”  
  
He found her pulse beating erratically at her neck and sucked the skin into his mouth, causing Charlie to whimper in pleasure. “Shut up”, she rasped almost disbelievingly which made him glance up, searching her eyes. Before he could say something though, she had opened the last button and pushing his shirt off his shoulders, she added, “You promised me a proper bed.”  
  
In a heartbeat, Alfie's lips were back on hers and he stood, lifting her up with both hands on her bottom. He carried her up the short flight of stairs, kicked the door to his bedroom open with his heel and lowered her on his bed in a smooth motion. Charlie pulled him right with her, letting her fingers run through his messy hair, feeling the muscles of his neck and shoulders, down further down across his firm chest and the black ink of scattered tattoos from the war. Her every sense and fibre were on edge, tasting him, smelling his scent, craving for more even more as she sucked his lip into her mouth and pushed her hand past his waistband to feel the whole length of him. He groaned in pleasure, by now at the end of his patience and willpower so he simply ripped her blouse open at one go.  
His lips travelled lower and lower, past those sensitive spots that made her skin hum while at the same time he pushed her chemise up and over her head. Suddenly she was tinged with self-consciousness as she thought of the last time someone had touched the broad scar running across her belly and she had to explain how she got it. So she braced herself, looking for the right words in the blurred mess that was the current state of her mind. But Alfie wasn't going to stray from his path and so he continued his trail of bites and kisses across the scarred patches of skin until he had reached her knickers. His beard scratched, his lips left wet marks and his breath tickled so delicately that hot shudders cursed through her from head to toes. Then suddenly his fingers took their place and his mouth was back at her ear, breathing heavily.  
  
“You're fuckin' gorgeous, love”, he rumbled and she could feel his whole chest vibrating, “Now turn your fuckin' head off.” And with that his fingers dipped and Charlie gasped as he took her like a force of nature and wiped her mind completely blank.


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A one-night-thing?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so immensely sorry to have kept you guys waiting this long! Most of the time, I literally fell asleep while I was trying to write simply because I've been sick for a while and then there was so much to do at work. I really hope I can make it up to you with this chapter and Charlie and Alfie trying to manoeuvre their way through the morning after :)  
> (Also if you're reading this, thanks so much for sticking around!) x

The next morning, Alfie was the first to wake up to some weight shifting by his side. He squinted against the grey daylight already sneaking its way through the curtains and heard the constant pit-pat of the rain tapping against his windowpane. Then his gaze fell on her and a prickle doubled the speed of his heart, leaving heat wherever their bodies touched. She was nuzzled against his side, her face pressed against his chest while one of her hands rested on his belly. His arm framed her, somewhat strangely draped around her head and shoulders but it wasn't uncomfortable. On the contrary. Alfie's breath quickened. Suddenly, he had to fight the urge to adjust his grip, to reach for her hip and pull her up on top of him, to pick up where they had left off last night, pantingly, covered in sweet sweat and lost in echoes of ecstasy. His fingertips skimmed the skin of her waist up to her hipbone like climbing a small hill only to slide down again. They adopted a steady rhythm of ups and downs until she stirred in her sleep and Alfie's fingers stilled.

 It took her a couple of heartbeats to realise where exactly she was after she'd opened her eyes but when she did, she jolted up, breaking the embrace he had held her in.   
  
“Fuck, I- I'm- sorry”, she mumbled still somewhat disoriented as she hurried to wrap one of the blankets around her bare chest. “I didn't plan on- I didn't mean to stay the night-“  
  
Alfie watched her struggling to free her legs while simultaneously trying to cover the rest of her body and avoiding his gaze at any cost as he propped himself up on his elbows.   
“What the fuck is going- Now I can't remember that I'd asked you to leave or did I?”   
  
The irritation in his voice caused her to stop and peek at him through the mess that was her hair. “Never said so”, she rasped and jutted her chin forward. “But it's- it's just what I do.” Then she sighed and swiped her hair out of her face before she added reluctantly, “I'm just not used to this level of intimacy.”  
  
That brought a lopsided grin to Alfie's face, which dissipated the awkward tension between them in an instant. He sat up and moved closer, so close that he noticed how her breathing picked up pace. His fingers tucked some stray strands of hair behind her ear while his lips followed their trail, teasing and just barely touching.   
  
“Can't say I am, love”, he grunted, a smile still evident in his voice. “Still, I wouldn't have thought of kicking you out so don't you dare fuckin' apologizing for this, alright?”   
  
Before she could answer, he found the spot at her throat that had made her cry out in pleasure just last night and sucked it into his mouth. Charlie groaned, having to use all of her willpower to not give in just like that. She put her hands on his shoulders, meaning to push him away to keep a clear head but instead they sneaked their way upwards and into his hair, pulling him even closer. His beard scratched along her jaw up until their lips met and Alfie instantly deepened the kiss as he pushed her back into the pillows. He was just about to climb over her and get rid of the blanket still stuck between them when a loud knock on the bedroom door gave both of them a start.   
  
“Mister Solomons?” It was an older voice, strained from many years of service but still carrying an air of authority. “The kid's on the phone asking whether you or the girl plan to come into work today at all.”   
  
He met her eyes and was able to see the various questions in them. “My housekeeper”, he mumbled under his breath, “she's blind as a fuckin’ mole and horrible with names but I never had a better one.” Then he sat up reluctantly and shouted at the door.   
  
“Tell Ollie that he can wait and see like a fuckin’ good boy and that I'll cut his bloody wage if he checks on us again.”   
  
That seemed to be enough of an answer for her as they heard her walk away. So Alfie nodded to himself and turned his attention back to Charlie. “Right, where were we?”, he rumbled while he bent down, yanking the blanket between them to the side. But Charlie's mind had switched elsewhere and so she put a hand on his chest on stop him short.   
  
“Alfie, wait, I just need to know what time-“   
  
She had turned over and was now fishing for her trousers from the edge of the bed to fumble for her pocket watch – “Oh, bloody hell!” She jolted bolt upright. “It's almost half past ten! I have a meeting in- in about forty minutes on the other end of town and I don't even have the papers with me-“   
  
She jumped out of bed and started to gather up her clothes, not noticing how Alfie's brow furrowed as he sat back. When she was just about to wriggle into her chemise, he cleared his throat and grunted, “Just fuckin’ cancel it.”   
  
She stopped dead in her tracks. Blood rushed to her head as her thoughts started to tumble over one another, and the speed at which they bounced back and forth made her dizzy.   
  
“What- ... why?”, she finally croaked out, still gaping at him. It had felt like a bold move, practically addressing the questions they'd been dancing around for a while now until Alfie turned the tables on her.  
  
“Was this a one-night-thing for you?”, he asked back matter-of-factly as he scratched his beard and pinned her down with a look. Charlie felt her chest closing up. He had her cornered and immediately a rush ran through her from head to toes, making her feet itch and her eyes flit across the room towards the door.   
  
For god's sake, she didn't know, alright? She had no idea if last night had meant anything much less how they were supposed to go on. For so long now, her head had been wired to find excuses, just any reason why things like these couldn't work out and most of the time she had been right. Rationality had proven to be a valuable weapon to keep herself safe, protected and all too often detached. Suddenly John's last words from their fight echoed in the back of her head and she was filled by a wave of guilty wistfulness. Maybe, just maybe there had been a germ of truth to their hidden accusation. So there was something holding her back now, urging her to act against her instincts, to put herself out there.   
  
“I don't-“ _know._ She swallowed hard. “-think so.”   
  
Alfie's eyebrows shot up and his fingers paused in place.  
  
“I mean”, she added quickly, “whatever this is, if it's up to me, it doesn't have to end just yet.”   
  
She let out a long breath and felt nervousness starting to creep up her neck as he still hadn't said anything. But then he nodded slowly and tilted his head to one side.   
“Well, then you've got the answer to your question. Just cancel the fuckin' meeting and take that stuff back off at once. I won't tell on you.”   
  
He pulled the corner of his mouth up into a lopsided grin, which brushed her pent-up tension off in a heartbeat. Still, Charlie had to shake her head.   
  
“As much as I'd want to, this isn't about the bakery and Tommy expects me to call later on to tell him how it went.”  
  
Alfie opened his mouth to object but she wasn't finished. “If we're doing this”, she gestured between them, “I got one condition.”   
  
Now that silenced him and he waited expectantly.   
  
“It can't affect our work”, she explained and straightened herself after putting on her trousers. “We need to keep it out of the bakery - I mean you know what it took to make them listen to me and I don't think that they'd take another order from me if they knew that we're- that we're-“   
  
She ruffled on the floor looking for her blouse before she resurfaced with a huff that blew a few strands of hair out of her face. Then suddenly her expression changed and her eyes went wide.   
  
“Ollie”, she exclaimed and within a split second she was back on her feet. “Ollie knows! And Andrew but he doesn't really talk to the other guys. But what if Ollie-“  
  
“Nah, don't worry, love”, Alfie chimed in while he was feeling for something in between their messed up sheets. “Ollie's fuckin’ terrified of you so he won't do anything to upset you.”   
  
That caught Charlie somewhat off guard but before she could probe into it, Alfie pulled out her blouse and handed it to her. She meant to put it on when she realised that only one button had survived his attack from last night, clinging pitiably to a single thread.   
  
“Take this”, his dark rumble offered and she looked up to him standing close to her now, holding one of his shirts.   
  
“But-“  
  
“Take this”, he repeated, inching closer, “I sure as hell don't want anybody to see you in your underwear. Andrew will get you home to change and then to your meeting so you'll make it in time. But-“ and now his hand moved up to cradle her face and tilt it upwards, “you stay the fuck away from my office once you get into work today, alright?”   
He bent down and pressed his lips against hers, moving slowly against them as if he had to restrain himself while he wrapped his other arm around her middle and pulled her closer. She opened her mouth to grant access to his tongue and he groaned when this time she was the one to deepen the kiss. Then suddenly she put her hands on his shoulders and pushed him back.   
  
“I got some documents you need to sign”, she argued, still breathing raggedly. He just shook his head as he dug his fingernails into his palms to keep himself from picking her up and throwing her back onto the bed.   
  
“Send Ollie, will ya? You want to keep this out of work and I can't guarantee for anything if I see you there later on. Give me some time to adjust.”   
There was darkness in his eyes that sent chills down Charlie's back. It was both a promise and a warning and in that moment she knew that eventually she'd drown in it. But it didn't frighten her. So she stood up on her tiptoes, planted a last kiss on his lips and then slipped out of the room to prevent both of them from giving in to that tempting tension.  
  
  
  
It was a long day and an even longer meeting with a guy that showed Charlie every last corner of a couple of houses in need of renovation, hoping that Tommy would want to invest in them. By the time she finally made it to the bakery, it was almost four in the afternoon and the pile of fresh paperwork on her desk had doubled its size since yesterday. She sighed and closed the door to her office with a kick of her heel, knowing that it would take the rest of the day to get through all of this. Skimming the letters and various papers, she started an extra stack for everything that Alfie needed to see or sign so that she only had to ask Ollie once to bring it to his office. Even though she was tempted to just do it herself and act like really nothing had changed between them, she had heard him erupting in one of his notorious outbursts just about an hour ago, leaving the guy a quivering, sobbing shadow of a man, who hurried down the corridor past her door and was probably still licking his wounds in some dark corner somewhere. So she stayed put and avoided getting herself in the line of fire by ignoring his wishes. It had gotten dark when she finally popped her head out of her door and called for Ollie.   
  
“Charlie? I didn't even realize you were here. I haven't seen you all day.”   
  
He stepped into her office and she moved back to her desk.   
  
“Yeah, I know, there was a lot going on- could you bring these to Alfie?” She handed him the stack of papers, an excuse waiting on the tip of her tongue. “I'm still waiting for a call and I don't want to miss it.”   
  
He nodded as he flipped through the documents. “Sure, but you know that Alfie's gone already, right?”  
  
 Thankfully his eyes were still fixed on one of the pages so that he didn't see Charlie's face fall. She quickly cleared her throat and tried to regain control over her expression while shoving that drop of disappointment in her stomach to the side. She didn't know why she'd assumed that she'd see him again today at some point, she just had. But it was fine, he had said that he needed time, so it was fine, just fine.  
  
“Yeah, no-“, she croaked, “that's alright. Just put it on his desk, will you?”   
  
Ollie nodded again and before he could answer, Charlie changed the subject. “How was your night then? Does your mum have good taste in women?”   
  
In an instant, his head went bright red and Charlie had to try hard not to grin at how flustered he got. “Well, yeah I'm- she- we had a good time-“, he stammered, “and my mum likes her so that's good, but- but still- probably not as exciting as your night so I don't-“  
  
“What was that?” Charlie's voice had dropped and suddenly there was an air of menace clouding the room to the point where Ollie shrunk in his boots.  
  
“There was absolutely nothing exciting about my night and if you tell anyone otherwise, I'll make sure to put every beating you've received from Alfie to shame. You hear me?”  
  
Her words were barely above a whisper but judging from the panic that stood wide in his eyes, they had the desired effect. So Ollie nodded hectically and clutching the papers to his chest, he stepped backwards until he was out of reach.   
  
“Of course- of course, I would never- I-“   
  
And with that he was gone, hurrying down the corridor quite similarly to that poor bloke a couple of hours ago. Meanwhile Charlie grinned to herself, convinced that she wouldn't need to worry about him spilling the beans. Well, it looked like Alfie had been right about that. -

  
  
“I don't know, _love_ ”, Ada relished the look on Charlie's face at her using the pet name, “both of you certainly need to learn to open your damn mouths even if it's just for the sake of knowing when you'll meet again- but the rest? The rest sounds pretty fuckin' great.”   
  
She clinked glasses with Charlie, smirking from ear to ear when her friend took one of the throw pillows from behind her and pressed her face into it. They were already in their nightgowns and recapped the most recent events with a bottle of wine by the fireplace. Charlie groaned and Ada erupted into giggles while she poked her with her big toe.   
“Would you stop being so melodramatic? Sure, you don't have the _easiest_ taste in men but it's not like you haven't slept with a gangster before.”  
  
 Charlie yanked her head up and Ada burst out laughing again. “Oh come on now, Char, just let loose for once and bloody tell him tomorrow that you're up for another round- and another and another and-“   
  
She was stopped short by the pillow that hit the side of her face and almost knocked her glass out of her hand. But Ada didn't mind and simply struggled for breath in between fits of laughter, while Charlie took a big swing for her next hit. Her friend was only saved when the door bell rang and Charlie jumped to her feet to get it.   
  
“Don't think I'm finished with you”, she said over her shoulder.  
  
“Tell whoever that is to be bloody quiet, Karl's asleep!”, Ada answered and poured herself another glass of wine.   
  
Charlie glanced at the clock on the hallway wall and realised that it was actually far too late for any normal visitor. So she pulled her knife out of the pocket of her coat that hung on the hall stand and grabbed it tightly as she opened the front door only a crack. Peeking out, all she could see was a huge bouquet of flowers.  
  
“Ehm, we don't- we don't want to buy anything, thank you”, she said quickly and was about to shut the door again.   
  
“Dear lord, woman, is that your natural reaction to a bunch of flowers? Will you just let me in?”   
  
The deep, familiar rumble made her stop in her tracks.   
  
“Alfie?”, she asked back in disbelief. “What on earth are you doing here?”   
  
“Well, what the hell does it look like, Charlotte?!”  
  
He lowered the flowers to the side and shot her an irritated look - that was until he noticed that she was practically wearing nothing but her underwear.   
  
“I stand fuckin’ corrected”, he rasped while his gaze wandered down her body, “I came to take you out for dinner but we could also just skip that.”   
  
Charlie resisted the urge to tighten her robe around her and instead crossed her arms in front of her chest (which coincidentally further emphasized her cleavage).   
  
“I'm sorry to tell you but we've already eaten and were just about to go to bed”, she gave back rather perkily, thinking that it wouldn't hurt if she didn't throw herself at him every time they saw each other. “But I'll see you tomorrow at work if I'm allowed to enter your office again, alright? Okay, bye then.”   
  
Her second attempt to close the door in front of his face was thwarted by Ada, who came up from behind and glanced over her shoulder.   
  
“Who is it, Char?”  
  
_Oh please, no..._  
  
“Ah, you must be Mrs Thorne if I'm not mistaken”, Alfie opened his arms wide and flashed Ada his broadest smile, the one that made Charlie's stomach flip every single time she saw it.   
  
“I've heard so much about you. Excuse me bothering you at this hour but do not come empty-handed.”   
  
He took her hand in a gentleman manner and offered her the big bouquet, which caused Ada's eyebrows to shoot up and Charlie's jaw to drop. Alfie noticed the look on her face and sneered gleefully, “You didn't think these were for you, did you?”   
  
Then he turned his attention back to Ada, who looked beyond amused,  was barely able to contain her laughter and answered in her most posh accent, “Why, thank you Mister Solomons, how very kind of you. Don't you want to come in and keep us some company?”  
  
She stepped to one side to usher him past them, while Charlie just rolled her eyes and heaved the biggest mental sigh. This - them ganging up on her - was the exact reason why she should have kept them apart at any cost. But it was too late now and so she watched how Ada showed him around while they talked about wallpapers, carpets and how these floors just needed so much care, always keeping up their game only to irritate the living hell out of her. When Ada went to fetch a vase for the flowers, Alfie strolled over, his hands shoved in his pockets and a mischievous smile still in place. He stopped right in front of her when he was so close that the tip of his boots almost touched her toes. Then he placed two fingers under her chin and lifted her head so that she had to meet his eyes. There was a searching look in them.   
  
“I didn't take you for a girl, who fancies flowers.”   
  
Again she crossed her arms and shrugged defiantly. “I got a sunflower once. I still have it.”  
  
“I'll get you a whole fuckin' field of bloody sunflowers if you want me to”, he growled and inched even closer so that his lips already brushed against hers. Charlie felt her defences dwindling, noticed her fingers sneaking up his chest to grasp his shirt and was ready, ready to feel him, to taste him, to wipe that bloody grin out of his face - when Ada audibly cleared her throat and startled them apart.   
  
“Now in all seriousness, I'm totally on board with whatever this is” - she vaguely waved in their direction – “so I'm going to bed now to grant the two of you some privacy. But if you somehow manage to wake Karl up, I'm gonna beat both of your arses and I don't give a damn about anyone's reputation.”   
  
She studied Alfie's reaction very closely but he just offered her a firm nod in response. “I promise that won't be a problem, Mrs Thorne. Have a good night. It was a pleasure meeting you.”  
  
And then he let himself be pulled into the living room by Charlie, who couldn't help but stuck her tongue out at a now widely grinning Ada before she closed the door behind them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've edited this pretty quickly so please excuse any mistakes or language errors!


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A fragile connection.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys, I can't tell you how sorry I am for not having updated in so long. I was in a massive writing slump to the point where I'd just stare at my screen and get really frustrated with myself. This had nothing to do with this story or Charlie, Alfie or John as such - on the contrary, I rather felt like I couldn't do them justice at that time. So I only wanted to update when I'm really happy with the new chapter, which I am now, even if it's taken so long. As always a massive thank you for the lovely feedback, it's always a source of happiness and fresh energy for me.  
> Enjoy this one x

There were rough palms that stroked up her legs leaving bruises on her thighs looking just like fingerprints. There were fingers running through his hair, scratching his scalp and pulling his head back by some strands for better access. There was hot breath close to his ear, whispering, moaning, darting right down to his core and fuelling him, pushing him to go further. There were lips tasting like escape and lust swirling into delicious delirium.  
  
His grip tightened, her mouth swallowed a groan, he lifted her onto his lap to get closer, even closer when there was no space left between them. Skin against skin, sweet sweat mingling as their bodies merged into one and he hit that spot, oh just that spot and she gasped. He cursed under his breath when her fingernails left red marks down his shoulder blades and his name fell off her tongue again and again, he wanted more, he needed more and she was just so- then suddenly his hand shot up and he covered her mouth with it, leaving her wide-eyed and out of breath.  
  
“We- we can't wake the boy”, he panted, “you're so loud, I fuckin' love it but-“  
  
She just nodded and pressed her hand over his, indicating that he should leave it were it was before she started moving again. His head rolled back mirroring the motion of her hips, picking up pace and he could hear the strangled sounds it drew from her throat. He relished the sensation of her teeth sinking into the skin of his palm when that raw pain combined with their rush of ecstasy pushed them both over the top.  
  
The tension left their bodies and she slumped against his chest, her head falling to his shoulder where her fitful breaths sent chills over his wet skin. He didn't notice how his fingers travelled up her spine to support her, hold her close until the beat of her heart had calmed down enough for her to stir and break the connection. She searched his eyes and he could see a glint of nervousness or uncertainty in hers. But she plucked up her courage and asked hoarsely, “Do you-... Do you want to stay the night?”  
He did.  
  
  
  
They adopted an unspoken rhythm over the next week that consisted mainly of avoiding each other as far as possible at work and meeting up afterwards in the dark alley behind the bakery by Alfie's car. Most nights they drove to his house and simply ripped each other’s clothes off as soon as they entered the hallway. In case they made it into the kitchen, there was dinner waiting for them on the stove prepared by his housekeeper but food seemed to be of secondary importance these days. They were driven by an urgency that neither of them could put into words much less even intended to talk about. It was a routine, a fragile one at best but one that both of them wanted to hold on to. And then there were these moments that stood out, that had the potential of both shattering or strengthening whatever bond started to form between them.

  
It was one afternoon when Charlie walked into the great brewing hall to find one of the men whose scribble she couldn't decipher. There she saw several of the guys standing in a circle. She moved closer, still not able to make out what they were looking, and that was when she heard him.  
  
“-kind of fuckin' bastard you have to be to leave that kettle unsupervised and practically ruin the whole goddamn drumming - which is costing me more than any of you brainless fuckers is earning in a whole fuckin' year! So how are you going to make amends? Well, I guess a good way is by starting to cut your fuckin’ wage for the next-“  
  
“Alfie!”  
  
The whole room fell dead silent and Charlie almost instantly regretted raising her voice. She had never done that, had never interrupted one of his tantrums to redirect his attention to her and the look he shot her now reminded her more than irrefutably why.  
  
“Don't you see that I'm in the middle of something?”  
  
His voice was one piercing growl and his posture looked like a thunderstorm about to descend upon her.  
  
“I do”, she gave back, trying to swallow the lump in her throat. “But I have to talk to you. It's got to do with this.” She pointed at the shell of a man that had been the target of Alfie's wrath. “And I believe you'd rather do this privately.”  
  
Without waiting for his response, she marched towards the closest storage room and let out a deep breath when she heard him slamming the door shut behind them.  
  
“Alright now love, don't think you've got the sudden right to act like that in front of my men just because we're fucking.”  
  
She swirled around and glared at him. “This has nothing to do with us fucking or not - and don't you bloody call me that here!” She put her hands on her hips. “Now listen! You think Harris is responsible for that mess last week? Well, I've been here that night unlike him.”  
  
Alfie's eyebrows shot up in confusion but Charlie already went on to explain. “He got a call saying that his wife had been in labour for several hours but- but there were complications so they weren't sure if she was going to make it-“  
  
She swallowed hard, trying to keep her voice from trembling. Alfie narrowed his eyes on her and inched closer. “Why is this affecting you so much?”  
  
“It's not!” The expression on her face hardened as she chased away the thoughts of her own mother. “You just need to see that you got the wrong guy. Before he left, he asked Turner to take over for him, which he obviously hasn't taken very seriously. If you don't believe me just ask Ollie - he was the one to take the call from the doctor.”  
  
“Why didn't you tell me about this?”  
  
“Well, I thought you knew!”, Charlie gave back in exasperation. “I thought you’d actually talk to Ollie instead of simply rushing ahead and making assumptions. But Alfie, if you let this slide, blokes like Turner will think they can just push the weaker ones in front of the wagon.”  
  
He scratched his left cheek, ruffling the hair of his beard and grunted once in response. Then he suddenly turned on his heel and marched out of the room without another word. Charlie's stayed behind but she couldn't overhear his growl that sounded through the great hall.  
  
“Since none of you spineless buggers have the guts to stand up to me and correct me I've almost, just almost made a mistake. Turner!”, he yelled while searching the crowd. “Ah, there you are. Let me tell you a story, yeah? About a little fuckin' coward just like yourself that I met in France, who left both of his arms and a fuckin' foot on the field - oh well, I guess I've just ruined the fuckin' end for ya, haven't I?”  
  
Charlie shoved the illegible note into her pocket and decided to stay out of trouble until things had calmed down. However, the next time she went to the pub with some of the bakers, the bartender placed a pint in front of her that she hadn't ordered. She looked up and around to find Harris at the other side of the room, offering her a small salute.  
  
  
  
It was only two days after the incident in the great hall when Alfie unexpectedly entered her office late in the afternoon.  
  
“Are you done?”, he asked while crossing his arms in front of his chest and jutting his chin forward. “I am. That last meeting was cancelled. So I thought we could-“  
  
He trailed off and raised one eyebrow suggestively. Charlie struggled to hide a smirk as she shook her head.  
  
“I'm not quite done yet. Give me twenty minutes, alright?”  
  
He sighed theatrically but slumped into the arm chair right next to the door. That caught her somewhat off guard as she hadn't expected him to watch her work but she tried to shake it off while she turned her attention back to that last stack of papers she needed to check. She hadn't gotten halfway through them when there was another knock on her door.  
  
“Hmmm?”  
  
Her eyes remained fixated on the black ink, adding up numbers in her head and she only looked up when someone audibly cleared his throat. It was the new boy, who had started in the bakery just about two weeks ago after his dad had called in a favour that Alfie still owed him. He was jittery, always on the hop and usually talked too much. Charlie now offered him a small smile, secretly hoping that he'd be brief for once.  
  
“Is there anything I can help you with, James?”  
  
He was clutching his hat in his hands and only now Charlie realised that his ears were bright red.  
  
“Yes- I mean no, this isn't about work. I- I was wondering if-“, he took a deep breath, “-if you would like to have dinner some time?”  
  
Charlie's eyebrows shot up in surprise while she couldn't help but glance quickly in Alfie's direction. James was so flustered that he hadn't seemed to notice his presence and now the waterfall of words broke loose.  
  
“I know you often work late, longer than I ever have but maybe there's an evening when there's not as much to do and I could take you out to a place where you'd like to go. I mean I just thought you might be interested because none of the guys knew if you were spoken for and I didn't see a ring or anything so-“  
  
Charlie raised one hand to stop him short while she tried her hardest not to get distracted by the look on Alfie's face. He had leaned forward, his right elbow propped up onto the armrest of the chair as he scratched his chin and burned holes in the back of James head with his gaze. Charlie cleared her throat.  
  
“Well James, it's very sweet of you to ask-“, Alfie's brow furrowed further, “but- but there's a ring.” She felt blood rushing to her head and simply hoped that she could keep her voice neutral.  
  
“I keep it safe at home ‘cause I'm always afraid of losing it but yeah, there is a ring.”  
  
The disappointment was writ large in James' face, still he nodded understandingly. “Alright, at least I can say that I tried. That's one lucky bastard you have there. Have a good night then, Charlie.”  
  
He turned around - and almost gasped when he finally laid eyes on Alfie. “Mister Solomons! I didn't realize you were here! I'm so sorry - I hope I didn't interrupt anything! I'm already gone- “  
  
Alfie just shook his head and said, “Don't worry, son. We were just discussing some business matter”, before he waved him off and James hurried out of the room.  
  
Alfie's eyes still lingered on Charlie. He had resumed a more comfortable position and simply watched her as his finger wandered back and forth across his lower lip. Charlie didn't glance up. She pretended to be engrossed in her papers when she could feel the tension between them with every fibre.  
  
“What?”, she eventually asked but kept on reading. “He's a bloody kid. I'm not gonna go out with him.”  
  
Alfie hid a grin behind his hand and grunted.  
  
“You know that he's only a year younger than you are, right? That's a lot closer than we are.”  
  
Charlie paused in her movements. “Well, you didn't seem to mind.”  
  
“Oh I don't”, Alfie said quickly, “on the contrary, if you believe the boy I'm one lucky old bastard.”  
  
That was when Charlie finally looked up.  
  
“Well, they do say that James has impeccable taste”, she retorted perkily, a smirk tugging at the corners of her mouth and still Alfie didn't miss the blush that had crept to her cheeks. He held her gaze and instantly the air between them seemed to be charged with a dark anticipatory buzz.  
  
“You see Charlotte, patience is a fuckin’ virtue, innit?”, he rumbled. “And I wouldn't call myself a virtuous man.”  
  
For a split second she pondered letting him stir for a little bit longer but her hands already betrayed her in pushing the papers together into a neat stack. So they both jumped to their feet at the same time, Charlie grabbing her coat on the way out and then they hastened downstairs towards Alfie's car, where their lips clashed as soon as the door fell shut behind them. They were a tangled mess of limbs and hands and panted curses when they arrived at his house, making it one of those nights when they barely made it across the threshold fully dressed.  
  
  
  
It was the evening before Charlie would go home for Finn's birthday, when she knocked on Alfie's office door, knowing that most of the men had cleared out by now. He was skimming through some letters, his half-moon glasses sitting on the tip of his nose.  
  
“I have to take care of a late shipment. Will you be around?”  
  
The question was innocent enough but both of them knew what she was actually asking.  
  
“Just let Ollie handle it”, he grunted and looked up in irritation.  
  
“I can't.” She shook her head. “I promised Tommy to do it myself and get it done tonight. So are you-“  
  
“No, I have plans”, he cut her short and turned his attention back to the correspondence in front of him.  
  
Charlie felt like she had been hit over the head with a wooden board. There was a whole number of questions popping up in the back of her mind but she swallowed them all and left his office without another word.  
  
It could be a family matter for sure. Or a late night meeting that'd provide new information about Sabini's next steps. Or it could be a girl. It could very well be another girl because who knew who else he was sleeping with. Charlie felt her stomach sink and cursed herself for letting her thoughts take this turn as a wave of disappointment filled her up. They still hadn't defined whatever was going on between them, refusing to let the other one take a glimpse at their own vulnerabilities because opening up meant acting against all their natural instincts. So what exactly was she going to blame him for? She huffed and pushed the back door open that led to the river and the bakery's landing stage. It was still empty. The black water was merely reflecting the light of a distant street lamp. So she pulled a cigarette out of the pack in her pocket and struck a match to light it.  
  
Men had it so easy. They could claim that one girl wasn't enough for them, that they were just acting on instinct and people would say it's in their nature. If she were to do the same, it'd be a matter of days before she'd be known as the whore from up north, inevitably losing every bit of respect and credibility she had worked for.  
  
So what if he had another girl? She didn't want it to matter to her. She didn't want to be affected by it. If she was entirely honest, she was most upset with herself for falling so easily into that fragile pattern that it only took one simple answer from him to throw her off course like that. It didn't matter now, she'd be home tomorrow anyway, which conveniently played in favour of her urge to run from the whole situation.  
  
Another half an hour passed before the boat finally docked at their landing. Curly tightened the ropes with a practised hand and then pulled her into a firm hug that she clung to a little longer than necessary. He loosened his grip and looked her over closely.  
  
“You alright, Char? It's damn good to see you for sure.”  
  
She tried for a weak smile. “You too, Curly. I'm just tired that's all.”  
  
“Well you might get some sleep once you're home, I would think”, he offered with an earnest nod and patted her shoulder.  
  
_Certainly more than during the last two weeks_ , Charlie thought but kept it to herself.  
  
“Come on then, we'll be quick”, Curly added and was already back on deck. “John said you've got an early train to catch tomorrow.”  
  
“You- you talked to John about this?”, she asked somewhat stunned as she felt her heart sting. They hadn't talked ever since he had turned his back on her in the hallway and quite frankly, Charlie's insides were a muddled mess when she thought about facing him the next day.  
  
“Yeah sure”, Curly said. “He hasn't- hasn't been in the best of moods lately but it's gotten better. Polly told him to pick you up from the station.”  
  
Now that was good to know. So Charlie nodded quickly and tried to change the subject by explaining that she'd go and see how many men were still there at this hour to help them unload the boat.  
  
It took another hour until everything was crossed off the list and stowed away. Once they were done, Charlie offered Curly some late dinner and a pint but he just shook his head.  
  
“I'm fine, I got everything I need on the boat. I'm still wide awake so I'll start right back.”  
  
They hugged once more before she watched him untie the ropes and navigate his way out of the narrow berth. The darkness had almost swallowed him whole when he turned around another time and waved at her with a broad smile on his face.  
  
“Let's see who makes it home quicker.”  
  
Charlie just chuckled and waved back, knowing that she'd beat him by hours. Then she fumbled for another cigarette, lit it and took a deep drag, all the while oblivious to the approaching shadow behind her.  
  
“Are you done for tonight?”  
  
His deep growl rushed down her spine and almost made her jump out of her boots.  
  
“Dear lord, Alfie”, she cursed, trying to calm her racing heartbeat, “what are you still doing here? I thought you had _plans_.”  
  
She wanted to stop herself but it was too late. Far too much innuendo and a specific snarl had been accompanying that last word to simply brush it off, but to be fair he had caught her off guard. So now he perked his eyebrows up and took a step back to examine her from head to toes. She felt exposed and defensive at the same time as she crossed her arms in front of her chest.  
  
“You got a fuckin’ trust issue, love”, he finally stated and the expression on his face gave away that he was enjoying this more than he probably should. She turned her attention back to her cigarette, determined to not let anything else show when she asked casually, “So did they stand you up?”  
  
“I'm not sure yet”, he gave back, amusement evident in his voice. It prompted her to furrow her brow even though she tried to fight it. So he leaned forward so that she had to meet his eyes and added, “It depends on whether you want to play this fuckin’ game or spent the rest of the night with me.”  
  
She opened her mouth in protest but he didn't let her get the word.  
  
“I've had plans for _us_ , Charlotte. And it's called a fuckin’ surprise which is why it pissed me off that you wouldn't delegate a bloody task at this godless hour.”  
  
That rendered Charlie speechless for a couple of agonizingly long seconds in which she felt her cheeks burning with heat. Alright, so she'd clearly taken the wrong guess but that didn't change a thing about her promise to Tommy.  
  
“I still had to do it myself”, she protested meekly, “also Ollie left hours ago to meet that girl his mum knows again. I'm sorry about this Alfie, I had no clue, but it's gotten pretty late and I have to catch an early train so I should probably-“  
  
He took a step forward, invading her personal space. “If you bail on me now”, he growled, “I swear I'll call Thomas and repeat every single word to him that you whispered in my ear last night when you begged me to go harder.”  
  
Charlie's eyes went huge.  
  
“Are you- are blackmailing me to go out with you?”, she asked almost laughingly. A grin twisted his lips even though he tried to keep it to himself.  
  
“Call it whatever the fuck you want, mate, but I think you know that I mean it.”  
  
“Fine”, Charlie exclaimed, throwing her hands up in surrender and exasperation, “fine, I'll spend the night with you! But I'll make bloody sure not to ask for anything again if you use it against me.”  
  
“We'll see about that then”, he smirked and offered her his arm, which she accepted reluctantly.  
  
He led her down a deserted alley, turned right once and then two times left before they neared a broader street and Charlie became fidgety. She let go of his arm and drew her lips into her mouth. “Alfie, whatever the plan is, you know that word travels fuckin’ fast around here so if someone sees us-“  
  
He cut her short by pushing her into the shadows until her back hit a brick wall and pressed himself up against her as his lips came crashing down on hers. She responded within a heartbeat, opened her mouth and threw her arms around his neck to pull herself up and him even closer. His hands moved down, further down to grab her bum and wrap one of her legs around his hip. Dizziness threatened to overpower her, sent her spiralling and still she pushed for more when he answered with a groan. They finally broke the kiss in need of air but Alfie didn't release her just yet.  
  
“If it was up to me, I'd do this whenever the fuck I wanted to”, he rasped. “You demand a fuckin’ lot of willpower from me, so turn your bloody head off for once in return, will ya? I know what I'm doing, love.”  
  
So just this once, Charlie didn't try to stay in control, and instead nodded slowly to signal that she was ready to go along with it. Alfie grunted in satisfaction and let go of her to lead the way across the broad street and past a couple of houses. He made sure to keep his distance to Charlie, always staying two steps ahead of her which she noticed with relief. Then suddenly he stopped dead in his tracks and she almost bumped into him. They stood in front of a recently refurbished building with large windows and an even bigger sign above its entrance. It read _Charlie Chaplin in The Kid_.  
  
“We're going to the pictures?”, she asked and her eyes lit up in excitement. He shot her a curious side glance.  
  
“Well, I thought since James offered you dinner, I had to keep up somehow. Luckily I own this place so the film won't start until we're there.”  
  
He opened the door and held it for her while she stepped inside. The hallway was empty expect for a man who was sitting behind the counter. He immediately jumped up as he laid eyes on Alfie.  
  
“Mister Solomons, sir, it's all ready for you.”  
  
Alfie simply nodded and put a hand on Charlie's back to guide her towards the hall. It was lined with velvet seats, only lit by dimmed lamps and again devoid of people. Charlie opened her mouth and was about to turn around but Alfie beat her to it.  
  
“Being the owner's also practical while telling people to stay the fuck away when you want the place all for yourself. You're putting your mind at rest now?”  
  
She closed her mouth audibly with a plop and made a locking motion next to it with her fingers, which earned her one of his rare smiles. Then they took two seats right in the middle and as soon as they had made themselves comfortable, the lights were turned off and the film was started. Now it was Alfie's turn to follow his own advice and actually calm the restlessness in his bones. He wasn't a man who went to the pictures. In fact he could think of a hundred more efficient ways to spend his time, most of them business-related. But she'd told him the other night that she'd only ever been to the cinema once and judging by the glee in her eyes, he'd guess that his surprise had been a thorough success. Moreover, it seemed like an effective way to help her unwind as she got utterly lost in the events chasing each other across the screen. That was until she huffed at a particular scene and Alfie watched how something in her expression closed up.  
  
“What is it?”, he asked, paying even less attention to the film.  
  
She shook her head slightly and didn't turn her gaze away when she mumbled quietly, “It just reminded me of something my mum used to say... She always told us, love will find a pure heart and a good soul.”  
  
She paused, prompting Alfie to comment casually, “Now I don't know a lot about love, but she was probably right there, wasn't she?”  
  
Charlie's brow furrowed and for a moment he didn't know whether it was directed at him or her cinematic namesake. She opened her mouth and closed it again without saying something, never looking at him but pretending to concentrate on the plot of the film. Finally she sighed almost inaudibly and murmured more to herself, “There's no such thing as pure hearts in our line of business.”  
  
It was obvious that she didn't want to elaborate on it but Alfie wasn't one to give in easily. So he turned to face her and probed, “You don't think you deserve to be loved ‘cause of what we do? Ay, know the feeling, mate. But that doesn't mean no one will love you for what you are. Should start wrapping your fuckin’ head around that, right?”  
He watched her flinch and could have sworn that she was holding her breath when he inched even closer.  
  
“You are above all other things that I cannot count on my fuckin’ fingers, one thing - fucking loyal that is. And that's more impressive and valuable than anything else in our line of business. I'd just fuckin’ wish you'd be as loyal to me as you're to that Shelby fucker. I'd wish that you'd be mine.”  
  
Charlie couldn't help it. Her head shot around and she had to check the look on his face, just to see if he was playing her for a fool. He wasn't. His expression was calm but earnest, and as their eyes met, it picked up the intensity that had threatened to sweep her off her feet since the very first minute. She was overwhelmed and speechless at the same time. What the hell exactly was he saying? That he'd wish she would work for him instead of Tommy? Or that she would be his on an entirely different level? Did he just say that he wanted her? Like all of her as partners, as lovers, in a serious commitment? Her head started to swirl but none of these questions made it past her sealed lips. They were dangerous, holding the risk of ruining their fragile connection _and_ working relationship, so she needed time to think this through, to weigh the possibilities. And still she felt the need to break the silence that had crept up and spread between them like thick fog.  
  
His eyes were back on the screen so she followed suit and said carefully, “I'm-... when we share a bed, when you stay the night then I'm sound asleep. During the past week, I haven't had a single nightmare or any dream at all. I'm just actually resting.”  
  
There it was. She had put part of herself out there and yet she was still afraid what he might do with it. Alfie didn't respond right away. It took a couple of heartbeats before he grunted once and then suddenly stood, holding out his hand to pull her to her feet.  
  
“The film's not over”, Charlie remarked, taking the offer anyway, “what are you doing?”  
  
“We're gonna to drive to your house”, he rumbled deeply, “sneak in, so we won't wake Ada or the boy, and then I'm gonna strip you bare and suck at every fuckin' last inch of your body that you'll offer me.”  
  
He bent down so that she could feel the anticipatory vibrations in his chest pressed up against her. His beard scratched that spot right behind her ear while his breath mingled with the heat already radiating from her skin.  
  
“And then”, he added more quietly, “then you'll get at least a couple of hours rest before you have to catch that train in the morning.”  
  
“Alright”, she said simply and nodded, already forgetting about Chaplin and moving pictures and velvet seats, but still eager to savour the night to its fullest with him without thinking about what might be tomorrow.


End file.
